I have been with my girl friend for 5 years now and from time to time I feel as I am traped. I wnat to go and explore myself, my life. Something I did not have a chance to do when I was with her as I was a protector and provider for her she came into my life when she had nothing... now she has a good job and can manage to live her life fully by herself I dont feel like she will need me to hold her hand throught thoug times anymore. Some how I feel as my job is done and I need to move on further and I want to but the only thing that stops me is I can not bare the fact she will be with someone else phsycally. That visual image just pops in my mind and I it keeps me form leaving. I think my questions are how can I leave her and get over the jelousy fact. Am I jelous because I am still in love with her? why can't I just walk away?
2006-12-29 06:00:45 · 17 answers · asked by Dragonboy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are obviously not able to cut all ties with her...you have doubts physically and emotionally. You are jealous but you also have some issues of a maintaining a normal or regular schedule to your life. five years was a long time to invest and just kick to the curb. Try talking it out with her...that which is bothering you or seek counseling. You seem to have a good relationship otherwise, a relationship that many would envy. Are you afraid to take the next step of a permanent "I do?"..is that the issue you do not mention?
I wish you the best....remember there are good times and bad in relationships. Being able to be honest and sincere is the way to work out a problem...guess that is why I am happily married 26 years and still going strong!!! Sammy :-)
2006-12-29 06:10:25 · answer #1 · answered by Sammyleggs222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you still have protective feelings for her, so you don't want her with another man because he might hurt her. If you've been her hero for the past 5 years, it's natural to feel that way.
What you need to consider is what's most important between these three scenarios: you continuing to be her hero, her need for you to be the hero, and your need to be yourself.
If you've grown beyond the relationship, you need to cut it off for the sake of the relationship. You can't continue to be the hero if you're not feeling it: heroes are there because they want to be.
If you still love her (love means give and take, not just give) and what she's become (good job, able to stand on her own), take a look at the two of you. Maybe there's a way you can stay in the relationship in a different capacity: companion and lover instead of hero.
And think about her, too. Does she now make you a better person than you would be by yourself? Longlasting relationships aren't based on dependency; they're based on mutual admiration, respect, affection and loyalty.
Sit down with yourself and really think about this. It could be that you're holding yourself back from what has grown into a wonderful relationship.
Have this conversation with yourself. Then have a similar conversation with her. Not a freak-out-where-is-this-relationship-going conversation, but a calm, rational talk about what you are getting out of the relationship. Why does she love you? What is she looking for in you? Do you make each other better than you would be by yourselves?
I hope this helps. Good luck.
2006-12-29 14:13:38 · answer #2 · answered by KD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a parent who doesn't want to entirely cut the apron strings to me.you speak of her as if she was a project and now that you've completed the project,you're ready to move on to your next.well you certainly can't have it both ways and if you are just staying in this to keep another from having her that's not love but selfishness and you don't have love where there is selfishness involved,that's why it's called self,concerned with ones self.I suggest you decide what to do by telling her the same things you've told us and then a real choice can be made after all this involves her life and it sounds like you've been making the choices for a while so give her a choice as well.
2006-12-29 14:10:29 · answer #3 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand that you have help her a lot with her life. Which is ok, just that its sounds like she used you. But other then that, breaking up is a big deal. And if you are just going to break up with her just because you want to explore YOUR life then, why does she block you from doing that???
You can still take time AWAY from her you know. You don't half to do everything together, it also seems like you still love her. So don't break up, because if she is the girl you wanna start a family with and be your life partner then stay with her...
2006-12-29 14:09:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay away for a while to see if u r still in love with her or it s better without her.i wish u the best and i think u ll find a good solution.
and pls don t be jelous because u don t need to be.
2006-12-29 14:07:43 · answer #5 · answered by laura v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there any reason you can do this exploring with her? Or are you wanting to explore with other women? If you don't love her anymore you should leave her. and find a way to deal with your jealousy.
2006-12-29 14:05:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are been unfair to her by not breaking up
so what that you may be jealous thats life will your life be happier with or without her u gotta ask yourself dont be a coward break up you may meet someone you really like and shes the one who will be jealous
2006-12-29 14:05:15 · answer #7 · answered by confused!!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are more afraid for yourself .like will i find someone for me. as an adult talk with her and let her know you need to have sometime for yourself and figure out what you want in your life-- do not feel trapped . you will regret not finding out if she is the one ,not to mention you will blame her for all of your short comings . let her experience her life with out you and she may see that she needs to find herself as well. NO Regrets
2006-12-29 14:16:51 · answer #8 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a valid concern. Get her completely out of your life.
2006-12-29 14:02:38 · answer #9 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not jealousy that is stopping you, it is loss of control over her life. Move on!
2006-12-29 14:06:30 · answer #10 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋