I know my wife is a nice person at heart but there are a few things that infuriate me...She can be VERY argumentative. Even when I try to cool things down by listening calmly to her and try to work out matters in a civil manner, she does not stop discussing the issue for days on end. Finally, I get aggravated as well and we end up having a very bitter exchange of words.
This can't be good for our relationship and I was wondering what else can I do?? I've tried speaking to her about this but she simply refuses to acknowledge the fact that her behavior might be causing us to drift apart!
2006-12-29 05:12:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Put a muzzle on the broad.
2006-12-29 05:32:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell U what 1 man did for his wife & marriage -- found a friend who sticks closer than a brother, Jehoviah. A marriage only exist when GOD is in the midst, otherwise it's a mirage.
i'm a wife. . .hub & i been 2gether 4 10 yrs (8 married). anyhow, he's witnessed a lot of changes in me spiritually, emotionally. a lot of maturing on every level. ex: the first yr of marriage was also my 1st yr away from parents & in svc -- i had an affair w/ another. we stayed 2gether. i've jumped him, accused him of nearly any/everything, belittled him in public, bitten him & beat him, yet we've stayed 2gether. i WAS an extremely argumentive & hostile & nagging woman. . .through it all my husband stayed his ground as a loyal godly man who believed what the word of GOD says and has faith in GOD & prayer. . .
Needless 2 say over time he has witnessed what perseverance, prayer, and consistant faith can truly do in a marriage.
U R welcome 2 seek outside help through "marriage counselors" etc. . . We had until we realized that the only real help would have to come from the creator of marriage ((GOD)) & not man. Of the 10 yrs we've known each other, within the last 2 have I come to learn what my hub has known b4 we'd even exchg'd vows... in order to chg someone, we must 1st chg ourselves. Become the example for your wife. Seek GOD in all you do. When she slaps your cheek (w/ negativity), offer the other. It will be a pain in the beginning. . . U R going 2 need a good listener, someone to let go on when it becomes overwhelming ((I, even my hub would be willing to help in that area)). Remember that life & death are in the power of the tongue, so b careful and pay close attn 2 what you say, think, and who you receive advise from.
Call on GOD & watch him make waves in you & your wife. It sounds like you love her, which is awesome. I love to meet couples who are trying to make it work.
Pls, don't give up. . .There is NO problem too big for GOD.
2006-12-29 14:14:04 · answer #2 · answered by 4everFaithful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may or maynot be a help but here goes:
I am the same way as your wife. I know it, but never admit it to my husband. The aggressive arguments make me feel better. I know is odd but I need the heated exchange to get my feelings out. I happen to also be someone that enjoys agressive make-up sex..so the harsh fight adds to it.
If this is just me being a psycho...then sorry for the two cents. Get into marriage counceling or better yet an affective communication class. You wife may also need anger management (I went and it acctually helps even though it doesn't seem so from the writting above)
Best of Luck!
2006-12-29 13:36:17 · answer #3 · answered by buggerhead 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every couple argues. Just as long as it doesn't get physical, I think the two of you can get through this. When you argue, do the two of you ever come up with a solution, or is the problem just ignored in hopes that she'll forget about it? If you talk about the problems, never walk away from it unless the two of you have agreed on a type of solution for the problem, and mainly follow through with it. (Don't put it on the back burner) It isn't good for your relationship at all. But if you love her, and she loves you, this tactic should work. If it does not work, then maybe it is time to get out before it progresses into hate. And neither of you want that, I'm sure. Good luck :-)
2006-12-29 13:21:28 · answer #4 · answered by Mother of One 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she feels like she isn't being heard. She's obsessing on the issue, which tells me there is some part of it that she isn't receiving validation on. She probably has no idea that she is doing this. Will she see a counsellor? Sometimes it takes an objective third party to point out something like this. Perhaps a friend? Family member? Have you tried asking her what it is that she needs to hear from you? Try that and see if she can even answer that.
2006-12-29 13:22:39 · answer #5 · answered by Peace 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people like to argue, and some ABSOLUTELY must have the LAST word. I know I love to argue, and sometimes after the argument is over, I think of a great comeback, but for me it's over; maybe she rehashes this in her head and keeps picking to get in the last word and WIN.
Maybe you could be the bigger person, and let her THINK she won the argument (you'll know in your heart what your feelings are), of course stand your ground on those things that are truly important and cannot be compromised.
Good luck!
2006-12-29 13:20:07 · answer #6 · answered by Mary Lou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My guy and I have a pact. It is this: once a fight has ensued we hash it out, but once we go to sleep (and never angrily either) and wake up, then the fight is then in the past and cannot be brought up again, unless one of us is foolish enough to do the "mistake" again that peeved the other off. Tell her that once she opens her eyes in the morning, the fight is off. And for all those who claim that marriage counselling works, I have two words for you "IT DOESN'T". It's up to you and her to work this out, and no one can tell you or her anything differently. Time to make a pact with the wife and hopefully she'll agree to it.
2006-12-29 13:30:03 · answer #7 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my hubby and i have the same problem. we can argue about the same crap for hours. when there is nothing more to say, i leave it alone. however, he will seek me out no matter where i am in the house and start the whole argument all over again. it makes no sense to me why he does this because we have already said everything that needed to be said. when he comes back around, i tell him that i have said everything that i wanted to say and that i am done. if he wants to continue after that, i refuse to talk to him. he just wants someone to argue with and you can't argue with someone who won't talk back to you.
2006-12-29 13:18:00 · answer #8 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two words, Marriage Counseling!
2006-12-29 13:16:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell her how you feel and tell her that the next time she does this, you are going to walk away until she stops...then do it...see what happens....try not to have a bitter exchange...things are always said in anger that you wish hadn't been...good luck
2006-12-29 13:16:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋