Good or bad for the kids?
2006-12-29 05:08:44 · 39 answers · asked by ftz 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why the thumbs down? This isn't me... just thought about Pitt/Jolie and others!
2006-12-29 06:02:30 · update #1
I don't think it is a good idea.
Families need stability and security. When families split (not necessarily saying this one would but I believe there is a higher chance with out the marriage commitment) the childrens lives are put into disarray. Many kid's grades plummet, their self esteem falls, and they will carry wounds of berayal or hurt forever.
Marriage isn't necessarily a fail safe against this, but it does help create a better environment for the children. If they are truly commited enough to each other to have kids and raise a family together, the commitment of marriage shouldn't be difficult.
I believe otherwise the motivation to have kids may be selfish or they may not be ready yet to have kids. (Just because they are getting oldr and their biological clock is ticking, doesn't mean the couple should rush into this).
good luck
2006-12-29 05:35:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
In my country couples can declare themselves legal spouses without getting married (although many who do this still call themselves husband and wife - something that had completely confounded a couple of LDS missionaries I ran into during last summer!). I think such espousalments are no more or less strong than marriages that have/had actual marriage ceremonies with marriage licenses and bans and stuff.
Meanwhile, my understanding is that unmarried heterosexual couples with kids in western countries that do not have non-marital espousalment, which are most of them, generally do so at the instigation of the female partner, which can cause more friction than if she decided to be a single mom living without a male.
2006-12-29 05:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that's immoral. It is a clear message that one or both people have no intention of making a commitment and the kids will only suffer for it. Maybe each thinks that they will stick the other person with rasing the kids when they tire of the relationship and want to move on. OR worse stick the kids in an orphanage when they tire of them... why try to commit to anything?
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Even though some marriages enventually end in divorce. Their intentions were good before they had kids, if you're not intending to stay together... for the kids sake... don't have kids! Once you have kids you have a responsibility to them and the family! That's what a Marriage is!
2006-12-29 05:15:03 · answer #3 · answered by Darren 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, that tells me they want children, but don't have what it takes to make a marriage work and therefore aren't choosing to legally bind themselves to each other. I guess that would be a good thing because then even the kids grow up knowing the parents weren't committed to each other in the first place and so when it comes to the time that one or both of them are going separate ways, everyone will be expecting this and no one gets hurt having to go through the messiness of a divorce.
2006-12-29 05:16:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Really dumb idea.
Given the best intent to be together long term, why not get married?
Given the total lack of legal recourse from being friends, why not get married?
Given that he/she can pick up and move on a moments notice to another state or country and get married to someone else without legal recourse for spousal or child support why not get married?
Given that you are having a kid who will need to deal with business paternity / maternity issues at places like schools, insurance agents, life and health, social security etc. why not get married?
Given that friends should never buy real estate together and marriage offers specific legal protections, why not get married.
If you are so committed that you are considering parenting , again, why not get married?
If you think that it might matter to a kid in school that his parents have different names, why not get married?
If you think that it is remotely important to give a child an approximation of a traditional family unit, why not get married?
I've asked a number of questions which illustrate practical reasons for getting married. There are very few reasons given which indicate a good reason to have kids while still single.
WHY NOT GET MARRIED?
Because you are not really all that committed, that's why. In that case you should not be having children.
Having children while not married is a Really Dumb Idea.
2006-12-29 05:10:21 · answer #5 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I think if the couple is in love that it shouldn't matter if they got married or not.. the more important fact is they are in love. People do not need a piece of paper saying that they are married just to be in love. And the kids will be just fine with it. And you never know maybe eventually you will get married. I hope this made sense.
2006-12-29 05:35:33 · answer #6 · answered by MARJ213 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So long as the parents are there for the children, I don't think whether they are married or not will have an adverse effect on the children. It may lead to questioning down the line ("Why aren't my parents like some other parents?"), but it's nothing that can't be solved with some dialogue between the parents and the children.
2006-12-29 05:11:34 · answer #7 · answered by auken_hill 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Marriage can be seen as just a piece of paper. BUT with marriage you also share rights to each other. If I'm not wrong, I believe you have to be married to a person to put them on any of your insurances: Life, Medical, Dental, etc...
Furthermore, it also gives one person the right to state what happens to their significant other, should an accident arise or death. Without it, let's say that said dead person has family across the country, and his family wants his body cremated there. But his significant Other wants to have his body buried in a local cemetary, where she and the kids will have theirs. Without marriage, his parents and family are going to have more say. Same goes with bank accounts and etc...
2006-12-29 05:48:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it matters whether or not you have a piece of paper recognizing a marriage. It doesn't strengthen the relationship any. If two people are committed to each other that is all that matters. And that is what's important for the kids to see.
I think its far more damaging emotionally and emotional growth-wise for a kid to see a married husband and wife that are not loving toward each other or fully committed to each other. That is their "snapshot" of what a relationship is and they'll be doomed to repeating the same in their relationships in the future.
All that matters is that the people love and are committed to each other. Everything else is just formalities.
2006-12-29 05:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Who cares? There are much worse things in the world to worry about, I personally worry more about people who can give a crap if they are pregnant or not because they will throw the baby in a dumpster or in a pile of snow or the street in NY and let it die. People do not need to get married to prove their commitment, its a nice sentiment but just a peice of paper...if they are commited and love each other and want to love and care for a child where is the problem?
2006-12-29 05:12:45 · answer #10 · answered by Dreamweaver 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋