Shy & Being TOO honest - revealing negative things?

Question

Because it takes me a long time to open up to others, sometimes when people talk to me and I DO open up, I tend to reveal negative things - not all the time, but it still happens...

For instance, I just had a short conversation with a friend who asked how my holidays were. The truth is that a LOT of good things happened and it was a lot of fun, but I chose to discuss the one negative thing about the holiday. Granted, I briefly just said that my Christmas Eve was weird b/c we were with the side of the family that is engaged in a long family fight. I then switched and said, "But Christmas Day was a lot of fun!" But that's all I said about it.

Does anybody else go through this? When you FINALLY are comfortable to talk to people, you will reveal a negative piece of personal information. Why do we do this and does it turn other people off from talking you?

I'm just starting to worry that because I said that and do that, people won't want to talk to me.

Is this true?

Answer 1

What you are experiencing is not weird or uncommon.

You mention how it takes you a long time to open up to others. It means that you generally want to protect yourself. When you make a negative comment about something, it's basically an observation about someone other than yourself -- but when you share a positive comment, you are revealing your own personal hopes and dreams, and you now run the risk of being laughed at or made fun of.

The comment you describe in the context you made it should not have gotten anyone's undies in a wad, reasonably. I would consider it a light joke, or just sharing a piece of information.

(If you went on and on about how much a jerk your family was being, and how so-and-so said this, and so-and-so did that, then that would be different; but just to make a general comment about a negative experience and then trying to soften it with a positive comment is fine.)

Yes, you could turn people off if you are always negative, but have you experienced any rejection because of this yet?

I think you simply need to keep an eye on yourself. Don't beat yourself up, or get paranoid over every little thing you might say -- you'll just close up more -- but just keep reminding yourself to share positive things along with any negative comments. As long as you have a basic understanding of how the other person might be viewing you, you can work on sharing things that mean something to you rather than "safe" criticisms.

Another way to let people know you are a positive person (or are interested in them as people) is to ask them questions. Listen to what they say, then ask questions based on their answers. This lets them know you care, so they would be less prone to judge you for any negative comments you might make later.

But it sounds like you are self-protective to some degree, so you might be reading too much into their reactions. Also, if your family fights alot, you have probably gotten a little over-sensitive and expect a negative judgment from others (since your family probably is critical of each other).

Most people are not constantly evaluating you, however, for flaws; just allow yourself to enjoy the conversation. Don't be afraid to open up. :)

Answer 2

I think we tend to talk about the bad things because they really are the most interesting...not always the best thing to do I guess but, we can't change who we are. Maybe you could put a rubber band on your wrist and every time you say something negative snap that rubber band . You may stop after a while.lol But, just being yourself is fine, if someone likes you they should like all of you even the bad so don't stress, be yourself and take the friends that come along that stay and find you interesting. Let's face it really good friends are hard to come by even for people that are nice all the time and only discussing nice things doesn't a lifetime friend make or break. They are not going to be your best bud anyways if they aren't around for all the things you experience. Good luck.

Answer 3

I think it is quite natural to reveal positive AND negative things to your friends. I would feel odd if a friend only brags and tells me "wonderful" experiences. We all have good and bad things in our lifes and it is ok to express both. You don't have to be "positive" all the time. A lot of shy people are overly concerned with what to say. I think it would be more important for you not so much to worry about what YOU say - instead listen to the OTHER person and share their experience.

Answer 4

you and me are like two peas my friend. I do the same thing. but when I do it its to get attention because that was the only way I could get anyone to even talk to me in gradeschool and highschool. In the end its a bad idea, you need to draw positive attention, not negative. It turns people off you because despite the old addage that opposites attract, it doesn't apply to attitudes. Positivity begets positivity. No one wants to be around a rain cloud 24/7.

Answer 5

I tend to do that when I am nervous with someone -- it does not happen often but it just happened to me yesterday. I don't feel confident in my relationship with this person so I said some inappropriate things, which now makes me more nervous. I think I just need to stay away from this person because I am usually quite a confident person.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I think I'm just like you, when I trust someone I burden them with all my worries.
But I'm starting to have some control over this, when I talk to someone, I keep reminding myself to SHUT UP all the time, and just talk about things that does not concern my private life, just keep in mind that not everybody should be trusted, have only two or three friends whom you trust and stay formal with the others.
Good luck