pregnant at 17?

Question

I had an abortion a year ago, I didn't want to but my parents were extremely disappointed and my dad told me I was getting one (he thought he could actually-legally- force me too, which makes me reallly mad)

My boyfriend and I have been thinking about having a baby. I know it's crazy but I feel it will fullfill me. Were going to make our decision tonight, I just wanted some opinions.

PS I am pretty good at predicting common replies that I'll get, so if you can please avoid telling me the following: babies are not "dolls", they're a huge responsibility (trust me I already know that), you're too young.

Answer 1

Well, if you can take care of your baby, it's OK !!!

Answer 2

Here's the thing....I doubt a baby will fullfill you. To me, it sounds like there is some underlying issue either with your boyfriend or your own life. Now, I'm not saying it's not possible that it won't fullfill you, but given what you've said, it seems that you probably aren't ready.

What I think may be an issue is that you've had an abortion. You may think it silly now, but seriously think about it....are you trying to have a baby to 'replace' the baby you lost? Maybe you have this guilt and you have actually made yourself believe that if you have a baby, you'll be happy. By having an abortion, you will never be able to bring that baby to life with another baby and you will always feel a sense of loss for that baby (if that's what you feel now).

On the subject of your boyfriend...he may be a great guy and all, but is there something more? You're not doing this to make him happy, are you? Just weighing all the options.

Of course you know a baby is a huge responsibility, but do you really know how huge? Have you thought about EVERYTHING? I'm a mother and while I was pregnant I just thought about how much of a responsibility it is. "Yeah, I know" was my response. I had "prepared" myself. In reality, it's going to be a million times harder than you can EVER imagine. Why? Because you are the parent. It doesn't matter if you've raised your cousins or younger siblings, etc, it's totally different as THE parent. And the hardest part is that you don't get a break. After weeks of waking up multiple times in a row, you get exhausted and it just seems even harder. So this is a serious issue. You are wanting to bring a life into this world and raise it, but are you both ready? Financially? Emotionally? If you guys really want to start a family, you should get married first. The reason I say that is because marriage is a huge committment...if you can get through that and be fine...then it'd be time to start a family.

I want to add an edit on here. I just went through your other questions and one said something about being 18?? Are you 18 or 17? Also...are you still dating the mexican guy in your one question who doesn't want to go to school and you are the one having to work???

(I love him but he doesn't want to go to school or anything right now and I'm going to college next semester for pre-med. I just can't imagine myself being the money maker of the family...it seems to backwards. Everyone says its a bad idea to date him-- "he won't have money, blah blah blah"
Money just isn't that important to me, I just want a guy that loves me for me...and that's him.
SO why do I still feel pressured to leave him?)

That one was posted 18 hours ago so I'd assume you would still be with him, right? This is highly amusing me (or just ticking me off) that you think you are ready for a baby and you both aren't working? Great....let him stay home with the kid and you have how much college education? It's VERY hard to find a good paying job without a college education. Sure you can become a manager at a fast food place and get decent money, but you bust your butt (I know) and you don't get to see your kid. That's VERY SELFISH of you if you go that route and plan on having a child. Who cares if he's Mexican?? He can still get a J.O.B. And you're feeling pressured to leave him??? That's a great way to start off a family....

Good luck for whatever you decide...and I know I'll be getting a few thumbs down on this one. Oh well...

Answer 3

you are not a w/h/o/r/e or a s/l/u/t. and u seem mature for your age, however, make sure that all of these add up before bringing a baby into the world:

Emotional Stability- Are u mentally and emotionally ready for your baby? Unlike an abortion, having a baby isnt something that u can put behind u, this will be with you for the rest of ur life. Are you and your spouse committed? Does he feel the same as you? If he does, then Great! Communicate, and if you feel like you wanna be with him and have his children, discuss marriage.

Financial Stability- At least be able to give lil bit what he or she NEEDS in life. yeah, you're young right now, so finding the right career path etc will take a moment, but if you're seeking to have children now, make sure that you and ur spouse can support the family.

I personally think it is a wonderful idea. good luck with everything!!!

Answer 4

I would ask you to truly consider the possibility that you may want to have a baby in spite of your dad. It's a natural thing to want to be in control of your life and your dad did something life-altering to you. What better way to "show him" that you are the boss and he can't harm you again.
If you and your boyfriend really want to have a child it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship. If that is so, the relationship can survive and thrive if you have another year or two getting even closer before bringing a third person into the mix.
You will never be able to replace what is lost. You can have 10 children and you will still mourn what happened when you were 16. There are several groups (you can even do it via the net) that help women get through all of the feelings they have after an abortion.

Answer 5

Yes its True...Babies are Not Dolls...I am 20 years Old and Am 39 Weeks and 4 Days Pregnant ( 3 days until im due) I Did not get pregnant on purpose....But some thigns you should think of are can you support the baby.....and your self..during pregnancy and after it is born... i am on maternity leave right now ( unpaid) so my fiance has Been working 6 days a week 12 hour days to cover me not being able to work because we have bills and a car payment.....plus all the baby stuff which is expensive!!.Its not easy for him to get up and go to work every morning...but hes doing it.....also does the baby have a stable place to live....its not a good idea to bring a baby into this world if you do not have a home.....like people who move place to place...and will you and baby have good medical care......Just make sure you think about everything before you make your decision..what about school and thigns in your future....with a baby your whole life will be different......having a baby is not a short term thing.....its a lifetime responsibilty.....and its not a cure for problems in life.....Well best of luck to you!!! And Just consider Everything before you decide whats best for you!!

Answer 6

I have been there. I lost a baby through miscarriage at 16, and got pregnant and had a baby at 17. I thought it would fill the void I felt from losing my first baby, but it didn't. I love my daughter now 9 and have 3 more children all loved and well cared for, but it was hard. I would not undo having my daugther, because she is here, and I can't picture my life without her. If I didn't already know and love her though I would rethink my decision. My daughters dad and I divored when she was just 2 and me 19. He has been a good dad, and I remarried a great man who accepts and loves her. I even get to stay home with her and the 3 children my new husband and I share with his approval. That does not always happen though. You are very young and though you love your boyfriend that does not mean you guys will stay together. My first husband and I just grew into people with different interest and didn't want to be together anymore, even though we had been together since I was 13. We are still good friends, but my daughter now has to deal with having 2 separate homes and 4 parents. She loves her step mom and dad, who she calls mom and dad, her choice not ours. She would still like to have her real mom and dad together. She asked once if her real dad and me could get remarried, and then her step parents could marry each other, because she loved us all, but she really wanted to live with her real parents together. I am not saying you and your boyfriend won't work out, but why put anymore pressure on 2 young people in love trying to stay together. I would focus on your relationship with your boyfriend. He must really love you to being willing to consider such a thing, most young men would run away if you told them you wanted a baby at your age. I would also talk to a school psychologist and see about getting some help with your emotions about your experience and if your current boyfriend was the father, he could go withyou for support and to talk about his own feelings. GOOD LUCK and consider your actions carefully. P.S. Don't worry about people saying harsh things. They should not judge. They should only try to help. I bet they have never done anything wrong. Ha Ha

Answer 7

OK, well if you know all that, here's my response. If you are financially and emotionally able to FULLY support a family, without any additional support from ANYONE (including your parents) then you're ready to be a parent.

I will tell you a few things you didn't mention though, babies are permanent. Once you become a parent, your life is completely different. Think about this, and think about what other people your age will be doing over the next 10 years or so. They'll be going to college, having fun, going to clubs, hanging out with friends, etc. You'll be working hard, changing diapers, paying for day care so you can work hard, then dealing with homework, etc. When you're legally old enough to drink in the US, you'll have a 3 or 4 year old child, so you probably won't be able to go to a bar with friends, because you'll have to go to work the next morning, get the kid to day care, etc., etc. You will eventually resent the child's intrusion in your life. I have a 24 year old neice who is pregnant with her 4th (yes 4th) baby, and she dumps the kids on her parents and other relatives all the time. My husband finally told her to not bring her kids here anymore, because she'd ask me to watch the kids for a few hours, and then not show up until 3 or 4 days later. These kids don't deserve that kind of treatment from their mother.

Another point is, a child deserves both a mother and a father who are comitted to his/her care, again, both emotionally and financially. In my opinion, it's preferable if the parents are married, but sadly that's not happening as much anymore. You are thinking about a very serious, life altering decision. It's my advise to you to wait a bit, and grow up. See how you feel about this in a year, you may feel completely different about it. Good luck.

Answer 8

Do you really think that having a baby at 17 is going to make you whole? There is something missing in your life and I don't think that a baby is going to make this void go away, I think that it will only complicate your life. You really need to think about this before you do something that you might regret. Babies are a huge undertaking, they get sick, and cranky and are very expensive. Are you going to be able to afford having a child at 17? I really think I would try to talk to someone about this before you make a life altering decision. Just because you feel a void, does not give you the right to bring an innocent child into the world that will not be well provided for or that the state will have to take care of. This child deserves a Mother and Father who will be able to provide them with all that life has to offer. Maybe you think that you and your boyfriend will get married and ride off into the sunset, but let me tell it's not going to work that way. Your boyfriend 6 months into the pregnancy could walk the hell off and then what are you going to do? (don't think this can't happen - I have seen it happen before) Become a big sister to a little child who desperatly needs someone in their life, you could fill the void in your life and in someone elses without having to bring another baby into the world that will not be taken good care of. Go to college take some time to find out who you are. There are too many babies taking care of babies these day. Find out what is missing in your life before you make a huge mistake.

Answer 9

Think about this. We don't always like what we hear but nobody ever said "DOING WHAT IS RIGHT WAS EASY."
Sorry if you don't want to hear certain things but that is how life is. I am NOT trying to Preach to you but just to make you think of the CHILD and not yourself.
You may think this is a common reply and it may well be. By telling people to AVOID TELLING YOU COMMON ANSWERS shows HOW IMMATURE YOU REALLY ARE. That also shows that you are NOT READY to have children of your own. How much LIFE EXPERIENCE have you had compared to other adults?
1. What about MARRIAGE FIRST?
2. How can a baby "FULFILL YOU" you? To be honest it doesn't really sound like you are thinking about a child and what that involves. You sound SELFISH and only caring about yourself and what you want.
3. What about your EDUCATION? How can you expect to be able to teach your child later if you don't have an education?
4. Do either you or your b/f have a JOB? Kids are expensive.
5. Do you have a place to live, besides yours or his parents?
6. Who do you plan on having take care of the baby when you get frustrated, tired, going to classes, work?
7. What would you do if after the baby is born and you still don't FEEL FULFILLED? Have another one, and then what?

Answer 10

Man, there is so much fun you can have in this world at age 17, 18, 19, 20,... that you cannot have if you have a child. Just think of all the great stuff you'll be missing out on, or at least missing out on until you are in your 30's or 40's, by which time you may be too old!

I'm pregnant with my first child now, and I'm really excited about it so I can fully understand your reasons for wanting a child of your own. (And I'm very sad for you that your father forced you into an abortion.) BUT I'm 29 years old and the last 12 years of living without responsibilities have been fantastic, I couldn't imagine missing out on that stuff.........

Like, going on rollercoasters... I'm kind of imagining I won't be doing that for a long time now because it would be madness to pay for a baby/toddler to come into the theme park with me. I don't even like them as much since I turned about 25, but I sure as hell woulnd't have wanted to miss all the great times up until then!

Like, living in a horrible house and working a horrible job, but with the reward that my boyf and I went travelling in Peru with the money we saved... no way I would have wanted to live a shitty lifestyle while saving for the trip if I had had a baby! And no way I would have done what we did when we were there with a child.

Like, being able to stay out dancing all night just when the mood takes you (now I'm 29 i don't want to do that any more, but when I was 17, 18, 19, 20, you couldn't have stopped me!)

Like, going to stay with friends and sleeping on their bedroom floor on just your coat... I'm not putting baby through that!

Like, taking a job on the other side of town because I really wanted it even though I would spend 2 hours getting there and 2 hours getting back... couldn't do that if I had a child! (It would never see me!)

Like, spending the money I should have spent on healthy, nutritious food on cigarettes and alcohol...

Like smoking recreational drugs...

I'm not an irresponsible person, and I have no urge to do many of these things any more, but the point is that I could if I wanted to at the time, and I did! Of course I don't know you and what you are into doing, but I do know that being responsible for someone else really limits you. When you are in your teens you can do what you like and the world really is your oyster. It is wonderful to be able to be spontaneous and flexible with your life so that you can discover more about yourself and the rest of the world.

If I was you I would plan an exciting trip to somewhere, or go and live somewhere new, and just wait a few years on the baby. Your baby will always love you whenever you have him or her, and you will always love him or her too, but some of these other things in life that are fulfilling and exciting are just so difficult to do with a child that you may never ever do them if you have one now.

I wish you and your partner really good luck with everything, and I hope you make the right decision for you.

Don't listen to the mo'fo's on here that insult you, you are a good person.

Answer 11

If it's something you really want to do then go for it. I won't tell you that babies are a huge responsibility because you know that, but think of this. I got pregnant at 18. I have a 7 year old son who has ADHD and is a handful to deal with everyday. And this isn't a baby who cries this is a child who talks back and hits. His father left because he relized he was too young and now owes me almost 5 years of child support that I will never see. I wouldn't change it for anything, he brings me more joy then anything else in the world but it is HARD and if you really need to know that he is going to be there forever. Good luck with whatever you choose. And I'm sorry that your parents made you have an abortion, it's not right