My Fiance and I have been together for 3 years, friends for 3 years before that. His son and my daughter are 8 years old and we have custody of them. Together we have a 14 month old and I am 4 months pregnant with our second child. (we are getting married in the fall - the wedding was planned before I got pregnant).
The problem I need help with is with his son. Everytime we go to send him to his moms he acts out. He steals money from us, and my daughter, he pees in his toybox, and ON his bed, he lies to us and quite frankly I have had enough! I have my ECE and a backgroud in child psychology....I know its normal for kids to act out...but this has been going on for about two years. He tells everyone he is hapy living here, and loves us, but his actions really make me think differently.
When we figured out that he was peeing in his toybox, I gave him two choices...to clean them with lysol,or I would throw eveything away...not sanitary to play with pee covered toys.
2006-12-29 04:51:24 · 9 answers · asked by blue_eyes_1_ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I had to make him throw them out, and the worse part...he DIDN"T EVEN CARE!!!! he didn't cry, or get angry or anything!!! Do you think it's okay for us to stop him from going to his moms? She doesn't have court ordered access - she didn't even fight when we asked for custody- He only seems to act like this a couple of days before he goes to her house....I could relly use some answeres from men and women who are going through this.
Also, which doesn't help...I believe that maybe the kid needs a good slap in the butt...but his dad won't even deal with the acting out...his answer is always " I was a bad kid, he's just a boy, and he'll outgrow it"
And we did see a psychologist, but it made absolutely no difference!!!
2006-12-29 04:55:37 · update #1
What it seems like to me is that you are right in the fact that he enjoys living with you & your family. Nonetheless, according to your text it seems that he only acts out when you have to send him to his mother's house. Apparently that is who he is having the problem with. He's acting out at your house so that he'll have to maybe stay there & clean it or be punished & maybe you'll make his punishment not having to go to his mother's house, which I think he ultimately wants.
2006-12-29 04:56:25 · answer #1 · answered by leecarh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a child of divorced parents, I would say that he doesn't want to go to his mother's. The best thing to do would be to try a one on one. But, don't just jump right into the conversation. Lead up to it, maybe talk about just general stuff: school, movies, then slowly work up to his feelings about things. It is much easier to get something out of a child if you give them the freedom to express their feelings, and at their own pace.
My brother's son used to do the same thing. He even got to the point that he punched his step-sister in the eye. What it basically boiled down to, after they got it out of him, was his mom made him do everything around the house. He had almost no free time. She would make him wash all the dishes, clothes, watch the other kids while she went out. And when she was done with him, she returned him home. He was used more than loved. (he was about 10 at the time)
2006-12-29 05:14:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I give your marriage a year, two at the most. If your future husband's response to an 8 yr old peeing in a toybox, "heck, I was a bad kid too." or, "he'll grow out of it." Then your future husband is either an idiot or he has no intention of dealing with this kid. His son will not grow out of it and it will get worse until his father steps in and helps him understand what acceptable behavior is. My guess is you're already on the losing end.
2006-12-29 05:23:34 · answer #3 · answered by Martini61 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the step mother of two young boys, ages 8 and 6 and i also have two boys myself ages 6 and 4. First off hes probably acting out because he DOESNT want to go to his moms, and doesnt understand why you guys keep sending him there. Try to sit down and talk to him. We have never had to deal with these things as our ex'es are out of the picture 100%. But when my step son who is 8, sees a picture or hears something of his real mom, you can tell it affects him, He tells everyone she ran away. Thats the truth, but he acts out as well and he hasnt even seen her since he was 3. So to be honest with you i would say the best thing to do from what i think is to sit down and talk to him and try to get it out of him. Or stop visits for a few weeks and see how it goes? Goodluck i know its tough :)
2006-12-29 05:11:54 · answer #4 · answered by jess_n_flip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try to talk to him and find out exactly why he is acting out when he has to go to his mothers house it sounds to me like his mother is not treating him like a mother should treat him
maybe by not allowing to him to go to his mother's house you may see a difference especially if he only acts out at the time when he is about to go to his mom's house then that should tell you something. I would try to find out if maybe the mom has not told him that she does not want him there at her house and if that is the case then by you sending him to go spend time at his mom's house he is feeling that his is not wanted at his mom's house and now he is not wanted at his dad's house and it could also be because of the 14 month old and the new baby on the way he could be feeling that by you and your fiance having a family together that those children are going to take his place and that he will no longer have a place to call his own and he may be feeling that his dad is going to give more attention to the children by both of you then to him i would reassure him that even though he goes to his mom's house that he will always have a home with the two of you and i would also try to ask him if he wants to go to his mom's house let him have a say in the matter of him going to his mom's house or not. that may improve his behavior
GOOD LUCK!!
2006-12-29 05:08:09 · answer #5 · answered by bright eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either he doesnt like the fact you keep having children, and to him it may seem like this is his dad and now he must share with all these other kids.
If mom doesnt care, ask child if maybe doesnt want to go see mom, if says no then dont make him go.
Maybe have dad and mom go out to dinner with kids... all he needs is love, I am certain the behavior is because of all the children that keep coming into family. Allow dad to do things alone with his children, not seperate family but it seems like his need alittle more attention and care. Good luck
2006-12-29 05:03:56 · answer #6 · answered by Mystic Bell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello I have two things to say you. First since you said, you are two Semesters away from your Bachelor's Degree. So Its worth waiting for another two sems.The reason being you cant manage your studies new-born and might defer your Degree. Deferring your degree wont make sense. Second, I would also want you couple to have a word with your children once, since it will prepare them for their new sibling.
2016-03-28 23:48:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
very touchy subject here. it seems that he really dosent want to go to his mothers home. alot of children deal with their frfustration with anger and demolition. try keeping him away from his mom one time that he does this and see what happenes. if he starts to be normal, then you know the problem is with the visit that he knows is coming with his other. if she really dosent care about him, she wont mind. and children can tell how we feel about him. my son is 2 and everytime he comes back from his fathers he is very whiney and cries all the time. this is how he gets what he wants at his dads house. at my house he just asks and usually he gets what he wants. (juice, crackers etc.) there he has to throw a fit for it. good luck with your situation, i feel for you.
2006-12-29 05:04:05 · answer #8 · answered by country girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about the fact that maybe something is happening when he goes to his mom's house, check it out
2006-12-29 05:09:51 · answer #9 · answered by kat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋