Being the new friend?

Question

I've been going out with some fellow students from university for about a year. They used to know each other long before I entered the group. As a result I feel a bit left out sometimes. For example, they talk about shared experiences and memories, they look at each other meaningfully when I say sth e.t.c. Should I give them some time or things like that ought to have subsided by now?

Answer 1

Yes, they go over the same old things; but Honey you are the newest thing to enter their lives, you don't have to make a huge impression straight away to make a lasting impression.
Slowly but surely. They are still your friends after one year and vice versa, feel Lucky - they should.

Answer 2

If you've been friends for a year, there should be experiences you have shared with them too, so introduce those into the conversation. When they start talking about something you weren't part of, ask them about it and tell them your stories too.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'meaningful looks' when you speak, but if you are feeling left out or picked in, its probably best to make some other friends. Don't necessarily ditch these ones, but if you still feel a bit left out after a year, maybe there are better friends for you out there.

Answer 3

Well basically i had a similar experience and i think its a lot better if you tell them how ya feel, sure they have past experiences but they should also acknowledge that u r there and you are part of the group and if you sit and talk tell them all thats botherin ya or send 'em a letter, you will see they will soon start to include you or jus try and join in the convo by sayin ooh i remeber that as a joke etc.

Answer 4

They will always have the life time memories. However, they should be more empathetic with your feelings. Why not try telling them about similar experiences and sharing more of your life with them?

Answer 5

There is a saying that ‘the only way to have a friend is to be one.’ A lot of truth there is in that statement. Sometimes persons are lonely and feel ‘left out’ of things by other young persons whom they may admire. Or they may have had friends only to ‘lose’ them. They may feel hurt because of this. But friendship is a two-way street.

So we do well to ask ourselves, What am I doing to be friendly to others? How much sincere and unselfish interest do I take in others and what do I do to contribute to their happiness and their good? What qualities am I cultivating that would make others feel they would like to share my companionship more often?

The way you go about trying to find friends will generally determine the kind you get. Some seek to win friends by spending money on them or by inviting them to share the pleasures of other material possessions—a stereo outfit and records, sports equipment or other such things. True, this may draw certain ones to you, just as the book of Proverbs says that “many are the friends of the rich person” and that “everybody is a companion to the man making gifts.” (Prov. 14:20; 19:6) Many people act friendly when a person spends his money in a lavish manner. But when the money runs out so do such ‘friends.’

Sometimes it is not money or material possessions that we might use to try to ‘buy’ friendship. We could do it also by flattery or by catering to another’s every whim and fancy, letting ourselves be used by that person for his or her selfish interests. But worthwhile friends cannot be ‘bought’ in these ways. Any friend that can be bought is never worth the price—no matter how small it may be. True friends are attracted to you by what you have in the way of worthwhile qualities—not by what they can get out of you.

So, it is good to have a friendly disposition toward people in general; but if you want genuine friends you need to be selective about those you accept for close companions. David was. He says: “Anyone slandering his companion in secrecy, him I silence. Anyone of haughty eyes and of arrogant heart, him I cannot endure. . . . There will dwell inside my house no worker of trickiness. As for anyone speaking falsehoods, he will not be firmly established in front of my eyes.” (Ps. 101:5-7) Why is it so important for young people today to be selective as to close companions?

Answer 6

let them talk about these things, but if u have had similar experiences tell about urs. but sometimes just listen, cuz no one likes when ppl butt into conversations. if u keep hangin with them, then ull all make memories to talk about, and since u were there u willl have sumthin to say.

Answer 7

You are a new friend. spend more time with them and in time you will have memories with them. You cant exclude yourself from being included by giving them some time!

Answer 8

ok i think thats only normal as u are a new member and they have a lot more to share but with time u will be feeling that u have to share more and more with them

Answer 9

umm.. i think all you can do is try and make some more memories with them so you can talk about those things with them instead of them only talking about themselvs, i have a friend who gets angry if we tell our old inside jokes around her and she confronted us about it, we arent going to stop telling our jokes but we try to talk about things she was included in too while she was around .

Answer 10

try to start the conversation, talk about simaler past experiences you had with ur old friends.