Do long distance marriages/relationships work?

Question

My husband lives/works in another state more than he is home in ours. Married 6 years. 0 kids. Ages 33, 34

Human spid. There has been one reason after another why we don't have kids. HE has alway said, "we didn't have enough money". And, then 1 year ago he took this job when we were finally getting more serious on the kid thing...and now..he'll be gone for @ least 1 1/2 years. He ultimately will always work away from home. HIS ideal schedule is to work 7 and 7. Not so ideal in my book if I were home alone with an infant.

The people commenting on having had a long distance relationship sounds like they communicated so much better than we are. Since, he left the one constant norm was that he called ALMOST everyday. But, to him that's the extent of what he's had to do. I say I'm lonely and depressed. He says' but I call you everyday...he's not getting the send the cards, flowers, Im's, text's etc. I did expect him to make more of an effort since it was his idea to work in another state.

Answer 1

It depends on the couple. It is certainly workable. My wife and I dated long distance for two years. You both need to be in the same space that you want to make it work. When you are apart, day to day life makes it easy to lose the connection. We beat that by constant communication. Phone,text messages, email, video email, letters, cards- whatever it takes. We spoke everyday. Even if it was just to say "goodnight - I am thinking of you". I swear, I got to know her so much better during that time. I fell way more in love with her. Just remember that as you cannot read his mind, he cannot read yours. So tell each other what your expectations are and be good listeners.
We also racked up a lot of frequent flyer miles and car rental discounts :) I also think I presonally kept two florists in business. When we had the chance to be together, we took advantage of it. Sometimes doing something special for the weekend, sometimes just being near each other, but always enjoying each others company.
Just a note - sometimes in this situation it is easy to put the pressure on one person to do all the commuting. Maybe you could both fly or drive halfway to meet each other sometimes?
Also it can be easy to put pressure on yourselves when you see each other for it to be fireworks everytime. That won't always happen.
I think it would be easy to fall into a pattern where you are not really connecting. As long as you are both truly open to making this work, it should.

Answer 2

If you have mutual agreement on what needs to be done to keep yourselves together, yes!

My sister and her boyfriend have been living across the country from each other for 3 years. She's an actress in Toronto, he's an improv comedian in Edmonton. (both Canada). It's about a 5 hour plane ride to see each other.

Their secret, I think, is to always make the effort to communicate. Every night, no matter where they are, he calls her at exactly 9pm her time to say sweet dreams. Even if she's not in bed. They have not missed a call yet. Even if they only have a minute to talk, the call still happens.

The other piece of this is that they never take for granted what time they have. The moments they do get to see each other, they always take a moment to have together, just the two of them. Despite the distance, they know they still have something worth keeping. Some people who live in the same house don't even realize that!

I think the two pieces are mutual committment to what needs to be done to keep the love alive, and constant communication, in any way. In this world of high tech cell phones, email, text messages, etc, there is no shortage of communication. Use it!

Answer 3

Completely depends on the couple. If you are two people that prefer time on your own and it doesn't bother you sleeping alone, then a long distance relationship will work. Now if you had kids, I would say different, because the ideal situation for kids is to have both parents around, but since you don't, whatever works for you and your husband is perfect for you. I know another couple that has a home on each coast- one for her and one for him and they fly back and forth to see each other, but for the most part, they spend time alone and it works great. So, if it's working for you, that's awesome!

Answer 4

With respect trust and love and long distant telephone calls
My husband works out of town most of the month and is only home 6 days (2 one week and 4 the next) we also stay in the honeymoon stage so when he's home it's just the 2 of us we shut out the rest of the world
Good luck

Answer 5

That really depends, my parents have been separated every week and some weekends because of work for years, and they make it work, although it is hard on my Dad having to travel so much. The important thing is if you are willing to make it work, or if something needs to change to help your relationship out. I don't think I could handle a long distance relationship, so I avoid situations that might lead there. Good luck!

Answer 6

That sounds difficult. Personally, I feel long distance relationships usually do not work due to the absence of communication and affection. It's great to try and work on a relationship if you really love the person but in the long run, you will not feel content or satisfied with it and you will want to find someone else who is close to home.

Answer 7

I sure hope so , My SO works a 14-7 or a 28-14 You gotta be strong. I barely hear more than 2 phone calls from him whiles he's out on the boat and am lucky to get an email .

It FN Sucks.

Answer 8

Often they don't work...although the marriages tend to be able to tolerate it better than dating relationships, especially when the couple were long-distance when they originally met.

It's not something I would choose to participate in for very long...the whole point of being in a relationship is to share life with someone special...kinda hard to do that when they're many miles and hours away.

Answer 9

It depends on how much each person is willing to work on the relationship. If you stay in touch and talk everyday, then there is at least 95% chance it will work. Also try seeing each other every holiday or maybe every other week. Don't let anybody tell you it won't work no matter how much you love each other.

Answer 10

Depends