How to call off a wedding??????

Question

Without hurting anyone???and not giving away all the details to everyone?The situation is as follows i have been with my bf for a year and half but no matter what i do i cant seem to shake my feelings for my ex.f who i feel like i am still in love with?I have tried very hard and i care for my bf very much but do not feel what i think i should for him but i dont want to hurt him.I agreed to marry him because it seemed the natural progression of things in the relationship . I mean my bf is the perfect guy that my parents always wanted for me he went to Harvard and is a lawyer.I cant help but miss my ex.bf though we still keep in contact call each other from time to time this only makes me miss him more.Reason for my break up with him was my parents who thought i could do better and threatened to stop paying my college tuition.I realize that i cant marry my bf but dont know how to tell him?

Answer 1

there is no way you can do that without hurting someone. and if you marry him and still have feelings for someone else that is not fair to either of you. it doesn't seem that you are a very strong person....you are marrying someone because it seemed like the natural progression. you should marry someone because you are in love with them and want to be with them for the rest of your life. if you dont feel that way then you need to do yourself and your boyfriend a favor and call of the wedding immediately.

Answer 2

Well, um...you are in trouble. But there has to be some reason that you broke up with your ex. Otherwise there was no use in breaking up with him. My advice: Let him go. Obviously he's not good enough for you. Go with the lawyer. And hey, if your ex gets mad and tries to hurt you, you have a lawyer, free of charge.

But that's not really the answer to your question is it? If you wanna call off the wedding it depends. How much work the people put into planning your wedding. If it was a lot of planning with the whole white, off-the-shoulders, lace dress with gold-spray-painted flowers in between pink carnations and baby's breath and cute little ornaments at the reception table saying Christy+John (just an example), then your problem just gets harder. If it's a simple wedding without the works, then its not so hard. An easier solution would be give him a chance. If you don't think it's right living with the lawyer then there's always divorce. If you do get divorced and he asks you why, tell him the truth. How you didn't feel comfortable marrying him in the first place and that you just wanna go back to dating him and other people.

Answer 3

Call it off the sooner the better. Tell him the truth so he will hate you. That will make it easier on him and ultimately easier on you.

You are going to have to stop letting your parents tell you want to do. Grow up. If they won't pay for college, find a way yourself. If they won't accept the man you really love then it sounds like they are a bit shallow.

Why did your parents say you could do better? Was the old boyfriend a loser? Jobless? Lacking ambition?

Big Flipping Deal if your current fiancee is a lawyer from Harvard. What does that signify? He's a lawyer. Wow-wee. He graduated from Harvard. Wonderful. How does that ensure "good enough" or true feelings of love.

He may be a nice guy and therefore he deserves to be loved by a woman who can't get enough of him. Not by you because you are focused on a different man. Love is hard sometimes.

You just gotta call it off and resolve the thing with the old BF. Get back together now. Why waste precious time?

If your parents are going to be jerks about it, then tell everyone the truth and let your parents look like the snobbish asses that they really are.

You can fake a lot but you can't fake true love. You deserve more than what you have now and so does the Harvard grad.

Answer 4

You need to sit down and tell him the truth. Go with your gut feeling. You don't want to go thru the steps of getting married, having kids, etc. then going through a divorce. That would hurt him more.

I have been there myself and it was the hardest thing for me to do. I got married to a friend and not someone whom I loved. After being married, I needed out because I got married for all of the wrong reasons. The man was good to me and I miss him dearly. But I could not lead him through life thinking everything was grand.

Don't worry about what your parents or friends say about your current BF. I am sure he is perfect in their eyes. But in reality, it is your life and you need to do what is in your heart.

As far as college, there are grants, etc that you can apply for. It is wrong for your parents to threaten you like that.

I am not sure how old you are, but my suggestion to anyone is to enjoy life. There is no rush for marriage. People are getting married later these days and it's OK to do that. I wished I had done the same thing.

In the end, you will lose some friendships and have some heart aches. But you will become a stronger person.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

I would not rush so fast. Think about it first. I mean is the ex that great. Did he treat you all the good? Obviously your parents saw something in him they did not like. Sometimes parents can since that. I think you need to figure out what exactly you are holding on to with your ex. Things happen for a reason. What does your ex have that the lawyer does not. Does the lawyer treat you well. I think you need to take a step back and cut ties with your ex for a bit. Also you might be holding on to your ex because of fear of getting married. I think you need to take some time to your self. Think about things. I hope you figure it out because there is not a good way of calling off a wedding without hurting someone. If you do call it off you will have to have a reason. People will want to know why. You at least owe the lawyer a reason. Sorry.

Answer 6

You've got to break this relationship off with your fiance as soon as possible. It appears that at this point you are not even considering going ahead with this marriage. Tell him that you care for him very much but you are very confused and not sure whether you are ready for marriage with anyone. He doesn't have to know anything about your contact with the ex unless of course he already knows. You don't have to tell him anything more than "I'm just not ready for marriage!". Don't get into the "let's just be friends" situation because that will never work if he has deep feelings for you. You've got to cut things off to the point at which you don't have contact with him for at least a month so that you can sort things out in your mind and decide which way you want to go.

You will hurt your fiance and family much more if you go ahead with the wedding and then discover that it was a mistake. Your parents will not like your decision but forget about everyone else's reaction and tell yourself, "Hey, this is my life and I deserve to be as happy as I can!". If this fellow really loves you he will understand and put your happiness first. You have to do what's best for YOU! "Nobody but YOU!!" (incidentally a hit song by the Human Beinz back in the 60s)

Answer 7

You certainly need to tell someone asap, before the progression is so deep it will only hurt even more. Just come clean with him, and tell him you feel guilty, but at the same time, you do not want to hurt him in any way, that you thought your feelings were over with the other guy, but you find yourself thinking about him, and you still have deep feelings for him. And how you know how unfair it is to your current b/f, and tell him you wouldn't want him to do that to you. Just explain how much worse it would be for you to tell him this down the road. And if you love your EX, and he loves you, it wouldn't be fair to either of you as well. Be true with yourself. Eventually it will all work out for the better. If you marry, it will truly be an unhappy marriage. Goodluck to ya :-)

Answer 8

OK, so you know how you feel about the ex, but what are his feelings for you and is it worth throwing away what you have now? You said you only talk with him from time to time which leads me to believe it is only friendship on his part. Your best bet is to cut him loose all together. I mean, how would you feel if your current boyfriend kept in touch with his ex? If you still feel that you can't marry your current bf, then just tell him that you just don't know if you can go through with it. Perhaps it is just cold feet you are experiencing - wondering if what was is better than what is. Just remember that once you break it off, chances are you won't get him back.

Answer 9

There is nothing you can say or do that won't hurt him at least a little.

Tell him you feel like you aren't ready for marriage, and would like more time before making such a big commitment. You are young, and want to mature more before taking such a big step. Try to stay away for cliches, (it's not you it's me, I need more me time, etc...) as they only hurt more than the truth ever would. Let him know that you love him, and want the relationship to continue, but just aren't ready for that big day to come just yet.

Then I suggest that you stop talking to your ex. Yes, I know that you still care for him, but it's only making things worse on you. The longer this goes on, the less likely you are to ever get over him. You need to close that chapter of your life, and get on with your future, with or without your current fiance depending on how you feel after you've cut ties with your ex. Given a few months, you may find that without your ex in your life as a reminder of the past, you'll realise just how wonderful your current love is, and decide that you do want to marry him.

Answer 10

You are between a rock and a hard place. Definitely call off the wedding if you feel you love someone else. Otherwise you are postponing the inevitable breakup, but through divorce.
He will be hurt but time heals all wounds. And, with some time you will be able to sort out your feelings regarding your ex boyfriend. Who knows, you could still end up with your Harvard lawyer.