I'm not too much of a poet, but it is a hobby that I adore.
In this cold place
I remember
In this cold place
I forgave you
In this cold place
I did love you
In this cold place
I await you
Short and sweet, what do you think?
2006-12-29 04:04:34 · 16 answers · asked by Enterrador 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Personally, I really like it, but I agree with a previous poster: you can certainly add more to it. Actually, while i like the repetition of "In this cold place", but I couldn't feel a "cold place". I don't know what a "cold place" is or what it means to you. I want to know what the place looks like, smells like, sounds like, how it affects you. If this was my poem (and please don't be offended, I really do like it), I would take out all but the first instance of "this cold place" and describe the situation. If you want, you can show the person you're talking to. Show how and why the people are no longer together, but the narrator still loves the other. Details can only help.
I love the simplicity of the poem, but I think the repetition might not add anything to your work.
~~Nao
2006-12-29 04:21:35 · answer #1 · answered by lighted_crystal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very good, do you have any more? You should do what I'm trying to do.. put them all together in a book and get them published. It's a great big scary leap but its going to be worth it. The world is full of poets who know it but don't do it... and will one day lose it. Writing is a very good outlet. KEEP ON WRITING!!
2006-12-29 13:37:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, depends on what the cold place you are referring to is, and also who or what the poem is addressing. It does inspire some thought. It could, however stand to be a bit longer.
2006-12-29 12:13:33 · answer #3 · answered by David B H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good, and can be made better.
You needn't repeat the opening phrase. Instead, each couplet should begin anew: "This hot place" -- "This dark place" etc. You should extend it by several verses, and give it a suprise punch of an ending.
Hope this helps. Cheers, mate.
2006-12-29 12:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by Jack 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. I think it's what we all go through in the first couple of minutes after a brake up. We want to turn around and take it back but wait for the other to do it.
I like it.
2006-12-29 16:49:33 · answer #5 · answered by no name brand canned beans 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really bad, i am a poet and write books...but i will not say my name...
anyway, yes make it longer
besides the cold place where are you?
I did love you? what does that mean??
many many questions so many ansewrs!
2006-12-29 13:20:52 · answer #6 · answered by CountDownToFriday 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's short and sweet. I hope that gradually as you find more interest in composing poems, you'll start making nice long, thoughtful and emotional poems.
2006-12-29 12:13:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it a lot, a little short, My son is a poet he started out with short poem, go to www.youtube.com and check him out, he go by the name of J.Ivy.
Keep writing.
2006-12-29 13:32:32 · answer #8 · answered by Pamela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good. you should submit it on poetry.com. I have had many poems published by them and have gotten into 5 of their books. best of luck to you.
2006-12-29 12:13:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like your poem very much and well hope u make a job out of it 1 day
2006-12-29 12:08:53 · answer #10 · answered by miss suparstar 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋