He spinkled fairy dust upon her soul
What a feeling, so unknown.
Will her prayers be answered?
If she opened her eyes, would she be able to see
That he could possibly be
but afraid to believe,
I close my eyes
ignorant,
yet pure,
untouched,
unsure.
A story so sad, unhappily ever after.
Awaiting a kiss, to begin my next chapter.
2006-12-29 03:44:03 · 8 answers · asked by dreamer 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Should I switch that paragragh?
2006-12-29 03:46:34 · update #1
I mean the last paragragh should I end it with the unhappily everafter.
2006-12-29 03:47:17 · update #2
Not as good as the last, but still a bit melancholy. Poetry doesn't always have to be about sadness. I don't like some of the words used in the poem, the poem itself is good. You could try rephrasing it thought. You talk about her and then I, kinda makes it a bit confusing. Try this, it's not great but it's what I think would make it a bit better.
He sprinkled fairy dust upon my soul
I grew feelings so unknown
Will my prayers be answered?
If I opened my eyes, would I see
That he could possibly be
Am I afraid to believe
I keep my eyes closed
Ignorant but pure
Untouched and unsure
Awaiting a kiss, to continue this book
Just a thought.
2006-12-29 03:53:05 · answer #1 · answered by Enterrador 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very pretty poem...I love poetry and I write it all the time. About the ending it is very nice, but I would switch it like you said...I think it reads better and makes more sense for the reader.
*You should try some poetry contests*
2006-12-29 03:52:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the last verse it is full of hope and we know you are embracing life. I feel this is a poem written from your heart. Leave it alone!! Don't try to over think it. Good luck to you
2006-12-29 04:00:10 · answer #3 · answered by lucyshines49 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's real sometimes love does not work and there are people who can relate to that I thinks your poem is very Sexy.
Keep it up!
2006-12-29 03:55:01 · answer #4 · answered by Kitty5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I stopped reading after the sappy first line.
2006-12-29 03:48:23 · answer #5 · answered by Lirrain 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Very postmodernist, if you asked me. Maybe you got one mistake - isn't it "sprinkled" in the 1st line?
Nice, anyway.
2006-12-29 03:54:44 · answer #6 · answered by Cristina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I enjoyed it thank you.
2006-12-29 06:11:09 · answer #7 · answered by BluLizard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats pretty... did you write it?
2006-12-29 03:46:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋