Husbands job change?

Question

My husband is considering working barges on the river. We both know that means he will be away for a couple weeks or more at a time but this also means I will be alone to handle the house and kids myself. We are in a very secure relationship and realize the opportunities for this job as a career with alot of mobility and for him and for the family making ends meet much easier and paying off our credit debt much faster.

Which I can handle the house and kids but it will be getting used to being alone at night that I haven't had to deal with before.

Any tips for me to make the transistion easier for all of us?

The area we live in doesn't have alot of high paying opportunities. We have racked up some debt with life changes in the past few years. We know are commited to paying that off and donot want to end up like our parents who continue to struggle with finances.

So this is definitely not to keep up with the Joneses. I would like to know what it feels like not to live paycheck to paycheck and have no credit card debt.

Answer 1

Well I work offshore, 4 weeks out, 2 weeks at home. The hardest part of course is the day he leaves and the first day back home. I know that the way that we are dealing with it.
First of all just make sure you get it in your head that he doesn't want to be away from you, and he isn't choosing work over you. He is going because he thinks it is the best thing for your whole family. He is willing to make the sacrifice, and you have too also, to make sure your family is financially secure.
Second, many times in the evenings she will spend the last part of the night cuddling with our son watching a movie, or something similar to that, lots of bonding time. It helps her not feel so lonely after our son goes to bed. She also has online friends from places like Australia who are up when most people are asleep, so if she can't sleep there is someone awake she can talk with.

Answer 2

I feel your pain, my family has a Daddy who is gone Monday - Friday and trust me it is a big adjustment. Yes the money is good but at the same time he has missed out with so much with his son. Here is how we've learnt to cope:
-when Daddy is home he is with his boy...any yard work/garage work can be done with a little helper...annoying but still quality time (and it gives Mom a break)
-if your kids are old enough sit them down & explain why Daddy is gone...don't let them think he "left" them. Our boy seemed to shun Daddy when he got home because he thought that Daddy had left him...he now knows that Daddy is working & when he gets home he has his full attention
-try to find someone to look after the kids for an hour or so once a week so you can have a little time for you...go to the gym, do your stuff...trust me you will need a break
-plan a family trip once the $$ is coming in. Nothing spectacular even a family 4 day weekend at the lake...just to solidify your family bonds
-take lots of pictures & movies of anything spectacular that happens in your childs lives...my hubby gets so upset when he thinks of everything he missed so I made him a tape of "firsts" & "sillies". He can now take the tape with him & watch it whenever he wants.
-invest in camera phones...these have been great so Daddy sees what is happening in almost real time

**and most of all, don't waste your time together argueing over silly things like where to go for supper. Enjoy your time together and don't sweat the small stuff!!

Answer 3

If you are CERTAIN this is what's best for your family, my caution would be to guard your very secure relationship...time apart can become an open door for development of adversities (which you may not anticipate) such as loneliness which can lead to wrong relationships (for both for you) and the stresses of being both mom and dad for weeks at a time....my advice? One, stay connected to a support group of friends, or better yet, a church. Two, as for the being alone at night, my suggestion is get a puppy! My husband and I have a 7 mo old male (long haired) miniature dachshund, who is a joy and a "God send"! Our married daughter has a 1 year old female short-haired dachshund and she is such a little actress! Either male or female, mini-dachshunds are just great for being a "best friend and companion" (easy to kennel and to house break for "pottying outside"!). They can also be quite comical! Most importantly, though, is that they have a wonderful way of curing the issues of "being alone"! As in any transition, keep a warm home environment for your children, keep a flexible but consistent schedule, keep a support group for yourself, keep the humor, and don't "sweat the small stuff"... as my dad used to say "keep it between the ditches"...I think that meant take the high road and be steady as you go....

Answer 4

My husband quit his 9 to 5 job he had for 10 years because he hated it and it was making him physically sick to go there. His dream job was to be a over the road truck driver. He went to school and got his CDL. He found a job in another state, I quit my job so we could relocate. So I am dealing with managing a household, being a mom and dad to our 7 y/o son, sleeping alone for the first time in our marriage in a new town 500 miles from anyone I know. This has all happened within the last 6 months. You are going to be miserable. I will not lie. I still am sometimes. It is easier if you have someone to talk to who understands and has been there. Feel free to email me if you want.

Answer 5

Are you guys already struggling financially or is it for the sake of more money?

It's good you have a strong relationship now, but it can get dangerous over time.. the kids could lose their strong bond with their father being absent alot and you having to make up for it.. You and your husband will need to keep in constant contact and make sure you guys communicate alot to make sure things work out I think. And also make sure you have a network of friends of family around you while your husband is away.

I see my sister in law and her husband working day and night to pay for bills, obsessed with buying a nicer house, car and toys for their kids but they never really spend time with their kids and now the oldest has run away from home. They are not poor but seem to want to compete against everyone else to show they can do better with possessions. Just be careful you guys don't wall into that trap.
Good luck to you guys

Answer 6

Keep remembering that you are partners and you agreed that he take the job for the good of the family. Make a date to talk by phone each day and, when he comes home, make a standing date for the two of you. If being alone bothers you, consider a big dog and an alarm system. Keep remembering that it isn't forever and he is doing this because he loves you and the kids.

Answer 7

i think that there is more to 'married life is not smooth' than you have dared to describe. For sure there is something in his behaviour or yours that make you jittery when he is leaving only to scout for a job. I presume you mean he is trying to either get a job in a foreign country or is trying to immigrate. Now why wouldn't you manage to get as good a job abroad (or wherever) as he can? And why would you agree with him on this? If you are happy with your current job stay back and 'watch him'. But if you too fancy a change of job then if I were you i would go to the same agency through which he is trying to immigrate/get a job and net one for myself too. Please don't consider yourself as being at his 'mercy and pleasure'. self respect should in my opinion come before any relationship. If he is showing any sign of losing interest in you (and assuming you've not done anything to invite this behaviour) tell yourself it is not a disaster. Please don't try desperately to 'save' a marriage at the cost of self respect.

Answer 8

Families do what is best for their families. Some sacrifices are made to ensure a better future. I say you should support your husband. I'm sure he isn't crazy about being without his wife and kids. Hopefully it's only long enough to get your finances in order so that he can find a job where you live. A good strong family can overcome anything.

Answer 9

My daughter and son-in law did this for several reasons but it worked out very well for them he was gone 20 days and home 10 so they made the most of their time as she worked also it gave him time with the kids when she was at work and time with each other they got the cell phones with cameras and that is how they kept up with the kids activities she would send him pictures of school stuff and the kids and herself and would do the same

Answer 10

If this job will truly make your lives better, go for it. Many families have to deal with this kind of separation. You could consider getting a family pet. I have two cats that snuggle with me in the bed when my husband is gone. It's very comforting.