What do you do when after three years, my boyfriends daughter hates me? I know some of it is due to her mother, but I have been a teacher for 11 years and the children with the worst behavior never treated me this bad. I do all I can for her and her mother tells her I am buying her love, just because I am a teacher doesn't mean anything etc. My boyfriend says she is still trying to get used to me, but my daughter is her same age and she talks about me terribly to her. We just recently had a baby and she kicks her at times and is mean to her she is only 1. I am trying and I love him but my children (16 and 11) don't treat him like that. She won't speak or interact with me but she will ask me for things. Any advice?
2006-12-29 02:41:13 · 4 answers · asked by Marcella D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Maybe it's time to give her a tase of her own medicine. Sit her down, with your hubby preferably becasue he should back you up on this. Let het know how to expect to be treated from here on out. With respect. Tell her she doesn't have to like you, but she does have to talk to you, answer your questions, do as you tell her, or you will quit buying things for, doing things for her, speaking to her, etc....make it clear that there are no rewards for her bad and neglectful bahavior. Why sould you spend time and money on a kid who won't talk to you? Ask her that. Tell her to answer that questions for you. Explan the concepts of what goes around comes around, do unto others, those old adages. Then, if she does not comply--quit interacting with her. Period. If she asks you something, ignore her. Do not buy her anything. Not even a burger from McDonalds. Don't cook for her. Nothing. Treat her the way she treats you for a short period of time and then sit down and talk to her again. I'm not saying you should be this harsh for a year--I'm talking about for 3 or 4 visits and then sit her back down and see if she is ready to call a truce. If she's not that's her decision and you need to stand your ground.
You also need to talk to your bf about why he lets his daughter treat you this way.......that's an entirley different issue......
As for your 1 year old.....your husband needs to let his daughter know that any misconduct towards the baby will not be tolerated and she will be punished accordingly. Don't leave the two of them alone together. This girl may be so upset by you and your role that she is taking it out on your child. If that's the case, get her into counseling.
Family counseling might not be a bad idea for you guys.
2006-12-29 03:02:52 · answer #1 · answered by kathylouisehall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being so nice to her. I'm not suggesting that you start treating her badly, but don't do anything for her than what is required by law, ie food and shelter. It sounds like she is trying to take advantage of you. She knows you are desperate to get you to like her and is trying to manipulate you. She needs some 'tough love'. You can't make her like you, but she should respect you.
Kicking a toddler is a pretty serious offense. She shouldn't be taking our her aggressions on someone so helpless. Talk to her father about getting her into therapy. This isn't normal behavior. The girl obviously has some issues and it will be far more beneficial to have them dealt with now, than when she's an adult.
2006-12-29 10:51:27 · answer #2 · answered by amylynn25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step children are very hard to get to knkow, I have 2 and have been married 5 years to their father, their mother constantly attacks me to them as well as to their father. I think your bf needs to put his foot down with both the child and her bio. mother, if he doesn't grow a backbone and end this, take you year old baby and leave. She sounds like she is teaching her daughter her values...jealousy, envy, hate and so on...it is up to you and your bf to teach this child good strong morals but like I said, it starts with the bf realizing that his child is being led in the wrong direction.
2006-12-29 10:55:23 · answer #3 · answered by LaRae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is a danger to your 1yr old, you will have to put your foot down and set serious guidelines for her. Stop trying to be nice. She is old enough to realize that her behaviour is unacceptable.
2006-12-29 10:45:55 · answer #4 · answered by Jessy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋