I found out my fiance sometimes(?) goes to lunch with a female co-worker at a bar and sometimes without other co-workers...should I be a surprised guest for lunch?
2006-12-29 02:29:41 · 23 answers · asked by Rita 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your marriage is doomed. I can't believe people like you even bother to get married.
2006-12-29 02:36:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a two-part answer because it's a yes and no situation. If you are concerned that it may be more than just a casual lunch with this woman, then by all means, show up one day and say "your office told me you came here for lunch and I wanted to surprise you" or whatever. However, keep a few things in mind. 1 if you've never "surprised" him in the past he'll know you are checking up on him and if it's truly just a lunch you'll end up being the bad guy (girl) especially if he's never given you reason to distrust him before, 2 if it is more than just a casual thing, make damn sure you want to actually know about it. Sometimes ignorance is truly bliss. If you have no intention of leaving him if he is cheating, then there is no use finding out, it's only going to make your relationship hard. If he's cheating and you are prepared to leave him, then okay fine. And if he's not cheating, he may feel as if you don't trust him because you checked up on him. It's a touchy situation. You could just simply say you know he's been having lunch with this woman and it's a bit of a concern and ask him if you have need to worry. If he says no (which he will even if he's cheating) then at least 1 he knows you know and may cut it out and 2 if he cares, he may ask you along to meet her and that will put your fears to rest. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
2006-12-29 02:43:33 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would.
Actually, I'd like to change that. I agree more with the poster before me. If you show up, and he sees you coming, he'll just stop anything he's doing that he shouldn't be. Do you have any friends that he doesn't know? Show your friend a picture, and have him/her scout the place out a few times until your husband and his "friend" are there once or twice alone. If you send a friend he does know, he'll act as he would if you were there. See if your friend and take pictures for you (if he/she can do so without getting caught, it's hard to hide a flash camera taking a picture).
Or, get to know someone who works at the bar, but don't tell him/her you're "the wife of the guy that lunches there often", and don't let your husband know. Maybe you can get some info that way.
2006-12-29 02:39:42 · answer #3 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. If he really loves you and doesn't care about the surprise you'll know it by his reaction if its just platonic and friends only between him and his co-worker. Besides if you don't know what this co-worker looks like you may have nothing to worry about! It could be that they are just truly friends. Keep in mind you know your fiancee better than anyone so be sure your not going to make him mad or hurt his feelings by showing any jealousy or mistrust by trying to show up and "surprise them".
2006-12-29 02:36:26 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do it. But, don't act as though you are trying to catch him in something or that you are suspicious. Just walk in with a smile and say SURPRISE! Shake the hand of the woman he is having lunch with and act natural. If you start acting jealous or suspicious it will likely make him mad. After work when you are at home, ask him about her and why they were there together and no one else from work. It is probably harmless.
2006-12-29 02:31:42 · answer #5 · answered by PDH 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The temptation is to surprise him but it could be just job related. Instead just ask him how his relationship with the co-worker is going. Wait for reaction. This way you are not on the spot in public and what reactions you want to have you will be free to react to.
2006-12-29 02:38:25 · answer #6 · answered by djsanner@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with doing it and acting completely calm and natural. You'll be able to tell by the look on his face, how he greets you and introduces you with what it going on. THEN - at home in a NON-confrontational manner, if you are still uncomfortable with the girl, mention you don't feel right about it. Don't say "you are forbidden" etc... just tell him it makes you feel uneasy. Better to get these things out in the open NOW than 2 years and a kid later in marriage. Think about that.
2006-12-29 02:38:19 · answer #7 · answered by lucki female 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm going to say no. And this is why, if you show up and he's with a female friend that is just a friend you will come across controling and untrusting of him.
Do this instead, have one of your friends go and spy on him. Make sure its someone who will be honest and not a friend that doesn't like him or anything.
2006-12-29 02:40:59 · answer #8 · answered by Reisnoh 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, find out what is happening since he is your fiance. I think that you should be a surprise guest.
2006-12-29 02:31:29 · answer #9 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes I would investigate and when you do be dressed real hot so inthe event you catch him up to no good he realizes what he is missing and then if nothing is going on then you look like you wanted to just give him a nice sexy surprise.
go to secretsinlace.com for a sexy out fit
2006-12-29 04:35:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best to check it out from a distance first..go to where they eat and see if anything is going on..if it is. then go up and crack his jaw..if not leave it alone and surprise him tomorrow with lunch
2006-12-29 02:38:56 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋