my husband has been having an affair for almost two years. he says he's in love with us both and can't decide

Question

what road he wants to travel down at this point in his life. will having sex with him, really mess his mind up more or just give me false hope.

Answer 1

FIRST OF ALL STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT ? IF HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS. HE IS NOT MAN ENOUGH TO TELL YOU HE LOVE YOU, AND MEAN IT. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE STILL WANT A RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE WITH YOU . HE COULDN'T PUT FAMILY FIRST. SO DON'T SELL YOUR SELF SHORT. NO MAN IS WORTH WAITING ON TO SEE IF HE GOING TO MAKE HIS MIND UP. THERE'S ONLY ONE REAL LOVE IN THIS WORLD AND THAT JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF. I'VE BEEN WHERE YOU AT. ITS' NOT EASY HELL IT'S HARD AS S@#@! ASK HIM THIS QUESTION WHAT DO YOU DO FOR ME? WHAT HIS ANSWER. IF SWEET AND FULL OF SUNSHINE KEEP HIM! FIGHT FOR YOUR MAN. BUT IF IT DRY AND SOUR TURN HIM LOOSE. HE WASN'T WORTH KEEPIN?? SEX IS NOT THE ANSWER ONLY ANOTHER PROBLEM REMEMBER I'VE BEEN THERE . I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN TO RAISED BY MYSELF. THINK ABOUT IT

Answer 2

I Will give you something rare, the truth. It is the nature of many men especially the "alpha" variety to want as many mates as possible. And given the opportunity they will act on it. The VAST majority of men are like this, it is an animal instinct and is meant to assure the continuation of our species. (all men are dogs)

If you can accept what I have said so far, then your biggest question should be does this woman want more than an affair? And can you live with the fact that your husband is spending time with someone else. Not everyone can.

Many many of our leaders political, industrial, and religious have had a mistress and had loyal loving wives and families.

From a male perspective I believe a man can love more than one woman. But love is a loose term and when coming from a male lust is usually a better term. Men tend to love one woman and lust after many.

In the end he made his decision and should have confronted you about his nature before he acted upon it.

Because he has now put you and your emotions in a place they needn't be.

In the end only YOU can decide YOUR future. The two of you are married and only the two of you can decide what responsibilities come with that obligation.

Answer 3

It seems like you are the victim here who desperately wanted to keep your husband with you by manipulating sex hopefully you can win him over her.

Well let just take it this way, doing that sort of thing is not smart at all. You just show to him that you are too weak to survive him. He'll take this oppurtunity to even further his affair knowing you cannot do anything bout' it but to offer sex. Am i the only one here seeing that you actually awarding him for the cheat. Here's what you can do

1. Don't push him to make a rapid decision because it makes you look bad in his eyes. Instead of yelling and shouting around, be in control, talk to him nicely that you are not pressuring him but he have to make a decision on this.

2. Stay away from him...get out of the house...take the kids with you (if you have any)...and let him decide whether if you he can't live without...he'll call you to return home if he have made a decision to let her go.

3. Get ready for the worst...get a job (if you are full time housewife). Show him you are stronger and not a women to be played around and be cheated. You will not want to ended up knocking his door to figure out that this 'other women' is in his house (hurts your feeling) opening the door at the same time begging for money he forgot to pay you.

4. Say to yourself..."I am worth more than that! I am a survivor! I will not cry! I'll go stronger!"

5. Do this classic tricks...
- play the song memorable to your both...make him remember all the memory you both have been through.
- cook him his favorite meal...make him sorry what he'll lose if he let you go.
- groom yourself as best as you can.
- you can play seductive, sexy and alluring all around but insist not to have sex until he have made the decision.

All the best...hope to hear the good news from you soon

Answer 4

It doesn't matter whether ur husband is in love with 2 people or not.
What matters is whether do u still love him even after knowing the fact or can u share ur loved with someone.

If u stil love him then show him that u love him in the way u feel that's correct.
Someday It'll make him realize which path he has to choose.

By showing him that u care for him will give u a chance of earning him back and as it is u've got nothing to loose because he's already having an affair.

My solution will be applicable only if u still like him.

Otherwise take controll of ur own life, Make him understand that he doesn't have a choice between 2 women but he has to choose between Marriage and separation

Answer 5

He's an idiot and not worth your time. His mind is already messed up.

Love is a feeling that can be strong, yet, but is also something you do. He is not loving you but screwing around with some other girl.

Make him decide. Give him no more time to think about it. He's been thinking about it for two years. Don't give him any more sex because you don't know where his girlfriend has been either.

If he decides to work on his marriage then go seek counseling right a way. If he chooses the other woman, then good riddance.

Answer 6

While this maybe a tough time for him...WHAT ABOUT YOU? What do you want? Can you live with his affair? Your missing the intimacy that once was there between the to of you and having sex with him would more likely give you false hope than mess him up, he is still getting what he wants. It's difficult to turn off your feelings, emotions and needs. But you have to decide what you want, not what he wants. If he can not decide then the decision is going to up to you. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

You have every right to want an answer from him. He has been violating your trust and breaking the vows he made to you. He really should decide. If you have sex with him, do it for your own physical and emotional needs. Don't worry if it will mess with his mind, you're his wife who is entitled to have sex with him.

I can't tell you how to avoid having false hopes. Speaking from experience, the heart many times overrides the brain no matter how hard we try. Just remember to let the brain take over when it needs to.

Answer 8

Well then you decide for him LEAVE. Don't give him the power to decide what women he wants to live with, that is just plain stupid. If he chooses to be with his girlfriend won't that hurt you, why give him a second chance to hurt you, he already has by cheating on you.

If he loved and respected you and your marriage vows he would never have had an affair. So either pack you bags and leave or pack he bags and keep them outside the door. Show some self respect for yourself, because if you don't respect yourself, no one in this world will, they will walk all over you.

Answer 9

If you love him be the naughty girl. Be the stranger he's looking for. I know that sounds strange and not all people can lose their inhibitions enought to do this My husband and i play: sometimes i am the mistress, sometimes the girlfriend, sometimes the wife. try to find ways to spice up the relationship. Try to find out what it is she does that you don't then try it. Learn new ways to play around, cause it can't all be about sex.( if it is then try the karma sutra, or porn helps, try to get a little tipsy if it bothers your sensibilities.) My husband and I talk about our fantasy's and then try to make them happen, we do not judge each other for hurtability in a fantasy( very important). we have all kinds of fantasy's and toys. Hell even suggest a trio, kinda crazy but he just might see you in a different light if your willing to leave behind what society feels is right and proper in a marriage. a lot of society lives a secret life in their heads they are afraid what others might think. It is your business how you please yourself and your husband. good luck

Answer 10

You don't want to be known as the girl who stayed with a cheater do you? Cuz girl...if you stay with this man...no other woman will ever look at you the same again, even your friends. Cuz you'll constantly be upset and depressed and trying to talk to your friends about it. And they'll try to help, but it will get tedious for them and they'll suddenly have other plans. Then others will start talking about how you get sloppy seconds and it'll be this big thing that you probably dont need or want right? Seriously listen to everyone....leave him and he'll realize that he should of stayed with you and not strayed and that will be a sweet victory for you because you made this man feel like sheit, and regret ever looking at another woman. BUT no taking him back if you do it ok? no woman deserves that kind of treatment. Stand up for yourself.