I am divorced and my ex husband's aunt have stayed very close, but my ex and my children have not stayed close. When her husband became ill with cancer. I called my children and told them. When he got worse I called them and was told well he didn't look that bad a few days ago. He died the next day after my call.
Now, three weeks after his death his son has been diagnosised with cancer of the lungs. The aunt has ask me not to call the children. She said she had not heard a word from any of them since the funeral for her husband , not one of them called her or came by for Christmas , she is 74. I know the children will find out that her son is ill and will blame me for not calling what should I do?I want to keep her wishes , but I don't want the children to blame me for not telling them. I seem to always get stuck in the middle and get the blame no matter what. Help.
2006-12-29 02:06:09 · 6 answers · asked by springer 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would tell them, even if it is going against her wishes. She is just angry. Three weeks really isn't that long of a time to go without speaking to her. If it had been three years, I could understand her anger. You will regret not telling them.
2006-12-29 02:10:24 · answer #1 · answered by Lynda M ♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, if she's 74 then her son is obviously of a mature age to tell them himself. It's not truly your responsibility to pass on this information to your kids. They sound like they could be more involved with these people, but choose not to be. AS a mother you feel guilty for them not reacting the way you think appropriately about life and death. They're all grown up now. Nothing you can do. So, to answer your question about should you tell them.....I dont' think you should promise the aunt that you're not going to. And, I wouldn't go out of my way to tell them.....
2006-12-29 10:13:05 · answer #2 · answered by Hear2Help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes older people become absent minded. I would ask my children did they call, write, or go by to visit their aunt during the holidays? If they gave me negative answers when I would not bother to let them know about her son.
As we get older we realize that what you send into the lives of others will come back to you. They probably are thinking what a waste of time to deal with a old person. You can not set their priorities.
I worked with a man that told everybody he does not visit people in the hospital or go to funerals. He was in a car accident, and hospitalized for several weeks. When I went to visit him at the hospital, he said that I was the first person to come. When he returned to work, he said that I was the only person that came to see him outside of his family.
He said I don't understand why no one else came to visit me. I looked at him and said they are just doing what you would do.
2006-12-29 10:48:38 · answer #3 · answered by D S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep her wish, the children obviously does not repsect the lady so perhaps you can by keeping her wish.
2006-12-29 10:14:18 · answer #4 · answered by l_l_wolfe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell them. But also tell them what she has said. And ask them to respect her wishes.
2006-12-29 10:08:40 · answer #5 · answered by Orleanslady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell them so that you won't feel like you betrayed them.
2006-12-29 10:29:59 · answer #6 · answered by New H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋