I love my grilfriend, very deeply. But we have run into problems because she wanted us to live together, I agreed - then she changed her mind with a week to go. I am still doing up her new flat and staying there loads - just not living there. I hate this, I still want to live with her and the stress is driving a wedge into our relationship. We have split 5 times in 2 months. We are back together now. Problem is this happened to me before. An ex did the same thing and also started seeing someone else. To try to save my current relationship I contacted her to ask where we went wrong and she was good enough to help. Apparently I like to take over & control. (I see it as helping!) A get moody when my opinion is ignored (but I only give it when it is asked for!) I am trying to come to terms with this and learn from it - but any tips would be gratefully appreciated. I dont want to lose someone I truly love.
Have you been like this or been at the other end of it? Did you get over it?
2006-12-29 01:14:54 · 13 answers · asked by Paul H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You cannot stop being you....
2007-01-02 01:13:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's tough sharing your life in the same house at the outset. Different likes/dislikes/habits/own little ways. Both parties have to give, and give and give! Life together is always about compromise I guess. My wife and I had problems at the start, mostly about our kids from previous relationships. I had my case packed a couple of times but in the end, if you truly love her, you'll let her go and do it her way, and if she loves you, she'll come back to you and then you'll know it's the real deal. Just give a little.
2006-12-29 10:52:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me that you are a bit like me, low self esteem. You need someone to make you feel good about yourself I just think you are analysing everything in this relationship too much because of what happened in the other one. I too am frightened of rejection but you know what we do we push people away all by ourselves, trying to protect ourselves from this pain of rejection. We push a little this way and see the reaction we get, then a bit more that way and in the end most people get sick of us. You don't have to STOP BEING YOU just come to terms with the lovely side of you, we've all got one. And meet somebody who likes you for you, wrong girl i think this time.Good Luck and a Happy New YearXX
2006-12-29 09:40:48 · answer #3 · answered by Audrey L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't assume that you are right!
Ask? Talk? Try her suggestions and if they don't work, it doesn't matter...try something else...don't say, 'I told you so'.
Living together is about compromise and finding solutions that suit both of you...not just you! Don't give an opinion..give ideas or options. And, if you can't give any ideas or options just say, 'Hmm, let's go for a drink/meal and think about this one, coz I'm fresh out of ideas at the moment'. Discuss out of the place where the ideas relate to...new ideas tend to come to mind on neutral ground. Look around at things others have done or steal ideas from other places and modify to make it your/her own.
2006-12-29 09:27:35 · answer #4 · answered by jamand 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she tells you that you take over, then listen. The problem lies here, She has told you what she thinks, you haven't listened to her, you immediately made the excuse as you see it as "helping". Did she ask for your help? Don't make assumptions that you know best, you might do, but she has a right to make mistakes. Maybe she has done you a favour by being honest with you. Do yourself a favour and listen next time.
2006-12-29 10:30:30 · answer #5 · answered by simon m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A controlling person is not fun to be with... You need to let her take the reigns once in a while and make some decisions, whether you agree or not, it shows you value her opinion, as well, and not one way... P.S. splitting up 5x in 2 months is not a good sign... Open up to her, and genuinely LISTEN to what she has to say...
2006-12-29 09:44:01 · answer #6 · answered by momof3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, communicate, work together on problems...but don't control as your ex perceived you to be doing. You have to know that other people have opinions and ideas too and that you must let them express them, otherwise this is the outcome:-/ By the way-your heading "HOW CAN I STOP BEING ME?", short answer to that my friend is that you cannot "stop being you", no-one can "stop being themselves"-however, we all have the ability to adapt to certain situations, adapt to our surroundings, and adapt to those around us...but adaptation does not mean control-please remember that...Best of:-)
2006-12-29 10:23:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to chill out a bit and respect her point of view as well. Neither opinion is right or wrong, thats exactly what it is, an opinion. Also, stop going moody.
2006-12-29 09:29:17 · answer #8 · answered by S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is saying you are too controlling...
I do not have that problem myself..
2006-12-29 09:19:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know what the problem is, and I suspect you also know the answer.
2006-12-29 09:19:20 · answer #10 · answered by Maeve N 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have analysed your bleetings and it seems you are a control freak.
2006-12-29 09:22:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋