so we have been married for almost 6 years, he walked out on me when our daughter was 20 weeks old, he phoned me and told me he had moved out ( i was visiting family in a different country) i had moved all over to be with him, put up with previous affairs and always believed he was sorry after. he said he was so happy. I left, am now in a differnt country, have my own home and job and now he wants to come back... what do i do.. i do still love him but couldnt bear for this to happen again.
2006-12-28 23:59:08 · 44 answers · asked by nicola m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i dont know why he did it, he sort of blamed it on me for not forgiving him for his previos affairs, which he never told me about until i was 3 months pregnant. this all only happened in july this year. he is with the army and has been away since aug, and is back for 2 weeks in jan, he said being away has made him realise. im doing very well for myself, i have a cleaner, gardener and dog walker and have a well paid job and my daugher and i are doing ok. but i have been with him for a long time and cant help how i feel. i have been asked out on date etc,.. but i am just not interested and i know im being stupidas if it were anyone else i would tell them they were crazy to even consider thinking about taking him back. i have told him i cant deciied and he will have to prove him self one day at a time.. do you think thats the right thing to do?
2006-12-29 00:28:53 · update #1
get over him. a leopard does not change it's spots.
2006-12-29 00:01:02 · answer #1 · answered by a1tommyL 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I believe in reconciliation when ever possible. But what I did not get from you was how do you know He has changed. Without Him making a serious change the same thing will happen again.
Saying I am sorry is a starting place not the conclusion. If you are wanting to reconcile with him There needs to be some actions on his part to show you he is a different man. You know that to keep doing the same thing expecting different results is insanity The both of you will need counseling
2006-12-29 00:10:52 · answer #2 · answered by Roger W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are a modern age woman with a good career and a well to do family!from the information you have provided its clear that this guy is shallow and hopeless.remember you were a weak alone pregnant women when he left you and today you are confident young woman wih a family.do no forgive him for the sake of your daughter.imagine how hellish her life would become being around such a disgusting man.how would she feel if she came to know that her father is an actual coward.he can be anything but he can and wont ever be agood father to your daughter.forget your love its not love its just longing to be with him. i think you had a wonderful time when ou were with him and think that that time will come back.he has the nerve to blame it on you.HE didnt remain faithful, HE ABANDONED YOU WHEN YOU HAD HIS CHILD, HE left you to rot on your own, HE cheated you betrayed you abandoned you.how can you love such an ***.i mean he is gutless freak who doesnt even have the courage to accept his faults.he probably need you now tat is why he suddenly feels he needs you.its bad enough that you have gven him hope for proving himself.for you daughter my dear you have to refuse him.you will find love believe me there are better people tan him!for your daughter refuse him and tell him never to contact you!!
2006-12-29 05:26:31 · answer #3 · answered by s4e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is not enough! He left when you were out of the country! He is a coward! Be strong for yourself and your daughter! This is your defining moment with your daughter as well. Are you going to let him back in to your lives so he can hurt you again or maybe worse he may hurt your daughter. He has no respect for your family unit and he is just trying to get back in because he sees that you have moved on and are doing well without him. You and your daughter are just his posessions! Set an example for your daughter, and make him stay out. Show her that what he did was not o.k and that just because you love somebody doesn't mean that they are right for you. Most importantly show her that you are not only a strong Mom but a strong woman, that deserves to be happy and deserves to be in a relationship that is respectful and equal. Take care and stay strong!
2006-12-29 00:25:05 · answer #4 · answered by rhorho 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who's been with some-one for over 14 years,he has always treated her badly,doesnt accept her other child from a previous relationship and has now started hitting her,i have told her many many times to leave him or kick him out.
She had a chance to kick him out last year,he beat her up infront of the kids.
He left that night,came back the next day crying saying how sorry he was and it wouldnt happen again,i told her not to take him back but she did.
Afew weeks later he smashed her in the face with a moblie fone and strangled her while her eldest was on his back trying to get him off her.
I told her not to ever take him back,he came back the next day saying it was all her fault,he blamed her saying she made him hit her.
Hes still there 12 months later and hes still hitting her and still blaming her for him hitting her.
My point to this story is:
Your husband wont change,once you forgive him for an affair,abuse,you give him a green light to carry on behaving like this towards you.
The easiest way to feel no responsibility is to blame some-one else for our actions,it doesnt matter what your husband does to you,you cannot accept him blaming you for his actions.
Stand firm in deciding whats best for you and your daughter,you MUST look after yourself and take steps in keeping this man away from you and your daughter.
He is an abuser and you and your daughter deserve better than this.
How do you feel when you see your husband kissing your daughter with his mouth?the same mouth he has been doing god knows what with god knows who.
Make decisions that are the best for you and your daughter,not your husband.
Good luck
2006-12-29 01:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by freerange00720002000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not accept him back. He obviously did not have enough respect for you to work this out when you were home and rather "chickened out" when you were visiting family and moved. You have created a new life for yourself which has taken a lot of hard work on your part and now he wants to come back into the easy part of life. You stated that "you love him" and you will always have a connection between the two of you because of your daughter. If for any reason you do decide to take him back, go to consueling before he moves back in and work it out there. Do not try once he's moved back in. Please do not go back to him just because of the child. It only hurts everyone in the process and leaves the child more emotionally wrecked than the parents.
2006-12-29 00:07:27 · answer #6 · answered by tx_earthangel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u r doing good and Ur life is on the right track ..but why do u want to set ur life back to where all the hurt and pain will start all over again ? I'm sure there's so many guys out there ...u said u r still have feelings for him but if u do decide to take him back it will be for a short amount of time before he will go back to his old ways and all of what u felt before when he was with u will have to experience it all over ..if ur happy just leave it alone and be a good mom to ur childern ...what will be will be for u ...good luck
2006-12-29 10:12:01 · answer #7 · answered by amal L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER!! These kind of guys NEVER change!!
Please don’t throw away your own happiness and your new life for somebody who has did you so much harm and will be doing it again to you in the future...
You still feel love for him? I understand that, because we are human beings and nobody can change what somebody feels from one moment to the next one...
But you’ll get over it and I’m sure, that there are many men out there who will be happy to get to know you: A strong, intelligent and independent lady.
Be strong and think of your future and the future of your child. You don’t do a favour to your child if you go back to a rotten relationship.
Life is too beautiful to throw it away for nothing....
2006-12-29 00:08:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anita P 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess if you still want to keep thinking about him and writing this type of stuff take him back and keep going through the same life style.
On the other hand sounds like you have wasted enough time on with him so give it up let him go and move on.
Life is to short to waste any more time. Good luck
2006-12-29 00:08:37 · answer #9 · answered by canuticklemepink 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once bitten is twice shy. Evaluate why he left you in the first place, no honourable man would simply leave his family for anything trivial. Then evaluate how serious he is this time. Has he explained both these things to you to justify his first step of leaving and the subsequent step towards coming back? Are you actually convinced? Please be 100% sure before you invite the trouble back.
2006-12-29 00:05:27 · answer #10 · answered by keyman_o 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds crazy but sometimes you are so helpless because of your own heart. I think it will be better if yo can just go and visit him instead of inviting him to your place. It's just 15 days right! May be that can give you both a chance to talk about your future and clear out everything.
2006-12-29 20:53:00 · answer #11 · answered by Smriti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋