We have been married for 8 years been together for 17 years. I am a stay at home mom with three girls ages 6, 5, and 3. My husband can be very degrading at times. He calls me a fat B*****, tells me the house is not clean enough, when all i do all day is clean and do laundry. I have very little self esteem and terrified to raise our kids alone. I grew up in a broken home and do not want that for my kids nor do I want this fighting to go either. Anyone with any suggestions would be appreciated. I do not want to do this alone, but I am not happy either. Please help.
2006-12-28 23:16:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Girl Life is too short. You can't raise happy children if you aren't happy. How much education do you have? Do you have any skills in the workforce? Stay with that ******* long enough to get your **** together whether it be go back to school, look for a job , if you have small children, find daycare and keep it moving. Life is already hard and full of challenges without having a motherfucker degrade and belittle you. It's called SELF esteem. What do you think of yourself? My momma always told me if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing and the person that always says mean , nasty things to you are feeling bad about themself and degrades and belittle other to make them feel superior. I know love is a funny thing . Love will make you hang in there and wish that he changes. But baby you can't wait on his change, you have to begin changing for yourself. He won't stop direspecting you, it does'nt hurt himwhen he says nasty things, It's hurting you. Find out what kind of assistance you can apply for and get on you feet baby sister. This world leaves alot to be desired, but just imagine living and being happy. OOOOOH!!!!!!! what a feeling. And also remember love does'nt hurt, judge or degrade. You're giving that man love and he don't even deserve it. Put you energy else where. I'm not telling you to leave your husband but get your **** together and let him know that " this **** can't continue. I clean your house , wash your clothes, take care of your children I deserve more respect and If this behavior continues We will no longer be together." If that man loves you he will step up to the plate and make things right for you and the future of your children.
2006-12-28 23:38:50 · answer #1 · answered by fentro1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well speaking from experience and having been in almost the same type of relationship, let me ask you a few questions. Have you spoke to him about this? Have you explained how this makes you feel? If you have and you are really ready to make this move their are so many agencies out there that will help you so you do not have to do this alone. Also if you have friends or relatives that can help open up to them now and explain what has happened. First find out if you have a local battered womens shelter. ABuse is not just physical. It is mental and verbal as well. Also call your local social services department and find out if they can offer some services. You are doing more damage to those kids by staying in this relationship because even if you dont think they are being affected they are. THey have a very keen sense of whats going on and they will grow up to repeat the same process that dad is doing. You may find that once you are safe and in a better enviroment certain things will change in them. Also even if it doesnt seem to be a answer their always is. I was taught alot once i left. Start making the phone calls now and you will see that you will not be alone. their are a ton of support groups and other womens groups out there. Also you may find that maybe he is ready to end the relationship as well and doesnt know how. If you really want the best for you kids then you need to do this now. Dont wait as things can only get worse. Good luck
2006-12-28 23:26:31 · answer #2 · answered by busy_softball_mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that. My x husband and I were together 12 years and married 9 years. We have 3 children also. They were 13, 8, and 6 when we divorced. I was a little scared at first too, I was a stay at home mom also. But I did what I had to do to make it on my own with 3 kids in tow. The main thing you want to do if at all possible is to maintain a civil enough repore with the intended x. It will make all the difference in the world for your children.
2006-12-28 23:33:11 · answer #3 · answered by Pammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you even think about leaving, get a fu*king job. So that you can prove to the court system, in the case of a divorce/custody battle, that you can support your children. The courts don't give a sh*t if you've been a stay at home mom. You'll have to take crap for a little while longer, but, that's what you will have to do in order to get your sh*t together. Then, get a lawyer, file with the courts first without HIM knowing, and stick it to him. That's the only way you'll be able to raise your children happy. Sorry, but that's life. Get started ASAP. Your kids don't need to be raised with a father like that. They're better off being raised by you alone for a while.
2006-12-28 23:31:02 · answer #4 · answered by Gasman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're husband sounds like a power-hungry egotistical type. If he is abusive, you need to get yourself and your kids out of that situation. Abuse is not just physical, though. It can also be emotional, and it sounds like his approach may, at the very least, be bordering on abuse if not actually being abusive. Get you and your kids to a safe place, and I'd highly reccomend AGAINST telling your husband you are leaving because I imagine that could cause far more problems than it would help solve. (I'd expect he would try to come after you if he knew, and that could be very bad.)
Do you have any trusted friends or family you could go to for a short period of time while you look for other living arrangements? If so, I'd advise that you take advantage of those, at least for hte short term while you look for a more long term solution.
My support is with you, and I hope you find a better situation for yourself and your kids. I'm also wishing you the best of luck.
2006-12-28 23:26:11 · answer #5 · answered by G A 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is nothing but a bully and I would be concerned about whether he would turn on your daughters as they get older, if he hasn't already started. It is not fair on them to be growing up in that kind of environment so you need to be strong - for them. It is very scary raising children by yourself - I've been there with 3 boys aged 5, 4 and 1 - but you discover strength within you that you never knew you had. Eventually, once you've made that break, you will start to get your self-esteem back.
There must be shelters you can go to where they will help you, advise you of the best way forward and get you back on your feet. You will make friends there who will understand what you are going through as they have been through it themselves, maybe some even worse than you.
Do it for your daughters and yourself. You owe it to them at least as the last thing you want is for them to walk into relationships like the one you're in as that is all they know. Show them strength, security and that it is okay to stand up for yourself. They look to you for guidance and to mould them as adults. It is much better for them to have two parents who love them but live separately than have the two people they love most in the world hurting each other.
Good luck with everything!!
2006-12-28 23:25:42 · answer #6 · answered by JACQUI S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what you're going through is abusing relationship. You don't need to have a husband to treat you like that. You deserve more and better. I was in a bad relationship before and I know what it is. Advices: 1- Stay at your mom place. 2- Go at the woman shelter which is the best with yours kids and stay there as long you needed, 3-go at the police station right away and report him. Don't wait. I'm there to help you.
2006-12-28 23:35:23 · answer #7 · answered by Jo-Jo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the kids & go. If he is degrading you and you leave, he will just turn on the kids. The kids would be better off with you. You gave up the selfish thing when you got pregnant. Go to a shelter, friends, family someone. Find a minister.
2006-12-28 23:20:35 · answer #8 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him boss you around.
You can choose what you wanna do with your life, and if leaving him is the case, then do it.
If a divorce is what you seek, look into a way of getting more money (if that's the case) to suppst your kids.
If you don't want to do this to your kids, it's probably a good idea to go to therapy for a while (believe me, therapy WORKS)
I can 't help you in any other way, but do what you think is right for you to do while having an open mind to the effects of it.
I hope I made sense.
2006-12-28 23:35:27 · answer #9 · answered by Orange Lipbalm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to do what is best for you and your kids. what he is doing to you is verbal abuse. you don't have to put up with that. i know, i have been there. i left my husband 16 years ago and filed for divorce 6 months after leaving him. i raised our son all alone and it brought my son and i closer. be strong and get some family (your mom if she can) support. you can do it girl!!
don't let ANYBODY call you names and degrade you in front of your children. good luck.
2006-12-28 23:25:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋