Is this a good marriage partner? 40YO female vs 19yo male. Plus other stuff?

Question

I have been asked by a good friend to marry her. She is a 40 year old woman that resides in Japan. I met her online when she was studying in Canada. I met her in person once. We have gotten along really well and it all started with a chance meeting and my interest in Japan. She had tried to help me learn japanese and such but only the basics. She also explained how things currently are in Japan.

Her life as far as I know is that she grew up average but got talent agents looking for her as a singing and culinary artist. However she didnt choose either and instead went with nursing. Her first love lived in ireland. Her parents are divorced and remarried and she has a younger sister. One of her supposed friends forged a marriage license and turned it into the governement, managing to steal all her money she had at the time. Recently like 2 years ago she had awoken from a small coma where she was thought not to be able to walk again. She is now able to.

More of the story on next notes

My story, basically a 19 year old college student, lives with family in the US. Well disciplined. Currently studying art and havent had a job for half a year due to college schedual. Basically I dream of being a great artist, designer, or a teacher.

She basically wants to get married and start a family because it is hard to do so at her age. She also would like to support my dreams. We do have some feelings for eachother, but not love at first site. More like a loving friendship, mostly due to our age gap. Otherwise if we were closer in age we would have an easier time with this decision. Which also includes introducing her to my parents and myself to her parents. Considuring it is not the social norm for our age gap to marry it is hard.

She basically has agreed to move me to Japan, get me lessons in Japanese, and help me through college and work.

(even more to write T_T)

Should I marry her. Here is what I worry about.
-age gap
-social alienation
-family and friends possible alienation
- feeling like a financial burden
- her health issues of having children at that age

However
- it would satisfy both of our problems, her needing to be married and having a family. Me with work, college, and getting to stay in Japan (one of my dreams)

just to also mention we have known eachother for alittle over a year now. I have trust in her telling the truth due to some internet investigating and meeting her in person.

Answer 1

The age gap itself shoudnt matter, what matters is your current age. Too young to get into marraige and such things. Wait for some time, experience life, who knows you may like some other girl closer to your age and place. If after 4-5 years you still feel that you love this lady then go ahead and marry her.
She is pressing for marraige probably because of her cultural background and age, may be some other reason to. Dont haste.

Answer 2

Move on. She's not worth it. She is, at best, a booty call, but not serious relationship material. Think about it. When you are 30, she will be 51!!!

She is not fit to have kids either. She obviously has health problems if she woke up from a coma. She also has bad karma with all of the weird things that have happend to her, such as the forged marriage license.

There are better women to choose from out there. If you want trouble for the rest of your life, then go for her. I think you're better off being alone and developing your education and career before you get married and burdened with all of the responsibilities of being a husband and a father.

Answer 3

You don't get married to solve problems. You get married because you love someone...sounds like you need to do some more maturing before you take such a huge step. This sounds more like a marriage of convenience than one of mutual love. Why is the friend asking you to marry her? This doesn't sound like a friend I would want to have.
You can learn a lot of Japanese if you enroll in a good study abroad program in Japan. Most college financial aid programs that you are eligible for will pay. The credits will count towards graduation.
You are still very young. Once you get married and have children, it will be very difficult to do many things. Babies have their own sleeping and eating schedules around the clock. I walked around like a zombie until my son started sleeping through the night. At a couple of points, he was eating every 2 hours around the clock!
Getting out of the house will be another major project, with diapers, spare baby clothes, toys, burp cloths, and bottles to think about. Money will be tighter, since babies don't normally have jobs and help contribute to the household income. Don't get me wrong-babies are wonderful, but you need to be ready emotionally and financially for them.
She is trying to take advantage of you and preying on your feelings of compassion. If something inside you is telling you that this is not right, then listen to it. It will be a huge mess emotionally and financially to divorce.

Answer 4

She certainly sounds like a wonderful lady who has had a lot of bad luck and heartache but l honestly feel that you marrying her would be a huge mistake. Perhaps if you were 25 yrs old even it would not be so bad . You are only 19 and l honestly don't feel that you are mentally old enough or know her well enough to get married. It is very honourable on your behalf but if l was you l would get to know her a little better first, mature a little more and then decide if it is still what you want. I'm sure you feel marrying her would solve alot of her problems and it is a lovely gesture but l don't believe it to be a good move for you. Best of luck to you

Answer 5

What the....... Are you out of your mind? You don't know anything about her! What kind of a request is this to ask from "a good friend"? This woman's story has more holes in it than a piece of Swiss cheese. The forged documents, the comma, talent agents etc... How can you believe any of this is true? If you marry her you will be legally bound to her. This will be a trap that you will find hard to extricate yourself from. You need to watch out as there are hidden ulterior motives on her part that she isn't telling you. Either is that so called "good friend" of yours. She sees you as some kind of opportunity young and naive enough to go along with this fiasco. She's an older woman, (twice your age) wiser than you in the ways of the world, just waiting to prey on someone like yourself. Another inter-net predatory manipulation. This so far fetched as not to be believed. You better watch out. You're just starting out in life and you don't need to get yourself shackled to something so unpredictable as this. If you don't use sound judgment you can just kiss your freedom and independence good by.

Answer 6

No absolutely not a good idea. I just asked my fiance what should you do because he was once in your situation. As a 17 year old, he is 45 years old now, he was stationed in Korea. While there he met a Korean lady who was 26 years old. One thing lead to another and shortly after she convinced him a year later to marry her stating the same reasons for wanting to marry that your friend is doing. He said that he, being 18 when they were married, thought that she was sincere in her vows and wanted what he wanted out of a marriage. But he being rather naive to experience and the world didn't know that some people were coniving.
Well to make a long story short it turns out that the second week of marriage she started became rather dominating in all of his endeavors. Trying to control his every thoughts and activities and even his military salary. He recalls one day when they were preparing to return to the US because he got stationed there, and after paying so much money to move, while they were in the taxi cab heading to the airport she yelled, screamed, and cursed him so badly that the cab driver started yelling back at her in his defense all because he told her he didn't have a lot of money left to pay for somethings when they were in state unless she helped him.
The marriage all came down to her fantasizing about being with someone younger, someone she wanted to dominate, someone she wanted to have as a boy toy. In your case this lady is your mother figure in a sense. All my fiance tells me from today is that he married his mother and that once they finally divorced seven years and two kids later, the only thing he regrets is marrying her. Especially getting out of it soon once he saw the signs that she exhibited in the cab over money.
Sweetie do not let it be you. The question you should be asking yourself is why do she want to marry you and not some other chap that should be beating her door down if she is this great person she makes herself out to be. If she is so great of a person she should be this happily married, successful person already and not trying to make her way in life so late. Think and overthink this please. It is your life and future.

Answer 7

Warning signs.. Hey, don't kid yourself; this is NOT going to be healthy for you.
looking at this objectively & logicaly here are some pretty big problems; a. Moving to a foreign country and relying on one person for support both emotionally & financially (practically a stranger) b. Marring someone twice your age c. She's had a serious trauma to her BRAIN in the last two years. d. She's on shaky ground financially. Your 19 years old, I don't care what you look like, what your personality is - you've got more going for yourself other than this situation. My humble opinion; lets take a pass on this one.

Answer 8

if you would be happy in a literal marriage of convenience go ahead but it will not last,,she is already prepared to take care of you like a mother and you ,as a son will accept that help but she is NOT your mother and marriages need love not a willingness to make the best of something not even real.she will be like your mother,she will keep the purse strings and you wont feel like a man,,you will be the child and if you dont do things she thinks you should she will treat you as a child because of her age nothing more,,40 years old and 19 years old are too far apart for this to be a happy and long term marriage

Answer 9

my brother was 20 and his wife was 40 with 3 kid from a prior marriage , 2 of the kids were older then him, they live the most love filled life's together they still have the Passion and love to be together ,most people can only hope and dream of a relationship as loving as theres .now they have been married for 26 years.it gives me hope just to be around them.so age has no boundaries when it comes to true love.But as far as internet meetings,you can Not get to know someone true self unless your around them every day all day

Answer 10

You are only 19 there are more girls coming your way. I am stationed in Japan with my military husband and I am very far away from home and miss my family. You should wait a while and test the waters.