How to i get my teenage daughter to come back home?

Question

I want my 15 yo daughter to come home, but we cant put up with her attitude....She does not achnowledge she has a problem, when she clearly does?? How do u let go of someone when they are not ready to go (yet they think they do)?

Answer 1

Develop the Tough Love way of thinking. Do not enable her to keep coming and going. Your front door can't be a revolving one. She has to hit HER "rock bottom" to understand reality. Do not become an enabler, there is a fine line between parenting and enabling. Tighten your purse strings and lock the front door. She has to realize the grass is not always greener.

Answer 2

The first thing to do is to unconditionally love her anyway, and BE UNDERSTANDING AND PATIENT, she's 15 years old (very difficult time). Also give her some space and privacy and don't ask her millions of questions all the time. Is she on some sort of drugs or alcohol abuse? If she doesn't acknowledge that she has a problem, it won't help to get her counseling.

You know what my parents did to my sister when she was 18 and was causing trouble at home...they let her move out and see for herself that she couldn't make it on her own. She ended up moving back in after about 5 months. She's much better behaved now. I don't think you should do that to her when she's 15 though, that's a little too young.

You could also maybe go to counseling to help yourself cope with this.

Answer 3

Go drag her ass home. You have the legal right to do this. Then start punishing her when she acts up... grounding, taking away phone/TV/computer privileges, taking away various other toys and activities that she enjoys. Do not pay for her cell phone, tv, clothing, movie money, car, etc. She'll figure out pretty quickly what it is you want her to do and how to behave.

YOU ARE THE PARENT NOT HER BEST FRIEND. START ACTING LIKE A PARENT.

All teenagers have attitudes. It is up to you to lay down the law and ENFORCE what you say you're going to do. Yes, this will suck and it will be hard but it is for her own good. She will not get anywhere if you allow her to continue acting this way.

Edit: After reading all the other answers, it is apparent what is wrong with society today. All of you people think that "talking abot her feelings" and "giving her a hug" will help. The simple fact is that this parent has obviously not been strong enough in the past which is why it is coming to a head now. The daughter needs to understand that while she is a child, she follows her parents rules or she suffers the consequences.

And parent... why are you even considering "letting go" of your 15 year old child? This is NOT the time to be abandoning them. If you're just going to let go and give up now, why did you bother to have kids? They are a lifetime committment, whether you like it or not.

Answer 4

She probably needs some time alone. I remember when i was 15 I wanted to leave. But I was also going through a lot of stuff with my mother. She had alcohol and drug problems and stuff...... but when your 15 and you have a lot going on with school and stuff and your restricted from a lot of things , an attitude does occur. or maybe depression, no happiness or no attention. Maybe she feels she needs someone there more. When your growing up thats when a daughter needs her mom the most. Im 18 now, been on my own since I was 17. home alone from age 8, mom wouldnt show up till 4 a.m. a lot of rules. my situation may be a little different because I dont know your household situation, but if its like mine you got ur answer, otherwise, its teenage years with the snobby, stuck up attitudes. But find out whats bothering your daughter and sit her down and talk to her, heart to heart. i hope i answered your question, if not im sorry. Good Luck! Happy New years! :)

Answer 5

15 is a tough time, even for the most rounded kids. You're stuck in limbo, between being a kid, and being an adult. You crave Independence, but you're not quite ready for it. You want to live your own life, and make your own decisions, but you're not quite ready for that either.

Give her a hug. Tell her that you love her. Tell her that you're there for her always. Let her know that you respect her as a person, but you demand the same from her. Talk to her. She has to know that you understand. I know this is going to sound corny but my kids are addicted to Harry Potter, and I've read out of book 5 I believe, That age's biggest mistake is that it forgets what it's like to be young. (Not a direct quote.)There's a lot of truth and wisdom in that statement.

Other than that, she's your daughter, she is still a child, and you are the parent. She should be in you home, period. You don't allow her to leave. Where is she gonna go? If she has a problem, as you say she does, then you need to take her to the proper medical personal to alleviate the problem.

Answer 6

I think the other people have all offered sound advice- particularly involving the tough love. But, whatever your kid is doing or has done, you just need to get on with this crappy job called Parenting.
I knew many friends who had major issues with their parents and it effected them permanently- they ended up either on the street, drug/alcohol abusers, becoming promiscuous girls (not hookers as far as I know- just strings of boyfriends in rapid succession) and basically the lowest elements of society. Which was sad as I knew them before they were like that and they tended to be bright with a future.
My advice is simply to be a parent, not a friend, as your child will respect you for it (even if it means eventually). This is because they knew that you loved them enough to care.
I feel that letting her go is to cave into her tactic of running away in the following ways:
By allowing her to leave permanently she no longer feels constrained by the boundaries authority figures impose on us undemocratically- which is a really poor lesson in life- we all have rules we must obey.
Her running away is in part a method of seeing if you will pursue her. Whether this means physically searching or at least approaching her on neutral ground and negotiating a temporary fix.
Realistically, it is not in her best interests at all to be away from a parent-and a stable home.
Statistically, she is at a very high risk of drug abuse (if not already), teenage pregnancy, sexual and physical abuse and other VERY serious issues.
For her to become a successful functioning adult- I strongly recommend you bring her home ASAP, negotiate some kind of short-term fix and urgently seek whatever help you may require.

Best of luck- I hope everything works out. Perseverance ALWAYS wins the trial.

Answer 7

One thing about children is that they are not "returnable" and One thing about parenthood is that you can never "retire" from it. Don't give up on your daughter! do you remember when she was a little girl how cute and sweet she was?. There is something about teenage years, they are the "stupid" years, seriously you think you are so bad a.. I went through the same, my parents were very strict and because of that I thought they were the worst parents, but they never gave up on me, they always loved me, but they always told me that I wasn't the boss, you can't just let her run the show like you are scared of her, but never, never give up on her, there are wolfs out there waiting to make her do drugs, to make her pregnant, to take her away from you, don't give up, you can't just let go, if at the end she makes bad choices you will feel more at peace that you did your part, don't just seat and watch. I was rebellious at that age too but once I past it I turn around and now I feel so bad for all the trouble I cost, hang in there!

Answer 8

If she will not admit to having a problem, then there is no way of curing her through reason. Since she is 15, still a minor in your custody, you may want to consider some extreme forms of action. Send her to a boot camp, where they will either correct the problem or at least give her the abilities and knowledge to take care of herself.

Answer 9

Look i understand that you may be worried but put yourself in her shoes. im 21 and i remeber being 15 like it was yesterday. i apparently had an attitude prob as well. the fact is she doesn't .she just wants someone to talk to and your not listening. Let me guess you ask her if shes on drugs all the time thats some way to win your daughters affection. you both need to sit down and talk but actually hear what she says don't interrupt. that is if you haven't pushed her too far already.

Answer 10

Most teenagers have "attitude" and they are always right. Just be there for her no matter what and tell her that. Let her make her own mistakes and think for herself. She'll come back once she's ready to.
Good luck