The Whole Story - Plse Help!?

Question

I have just ended a relationship that was unhealthy for the both of us. But basically it has ended with me being charged with common assault for slapping him because he would not leave my home after me asking him repeatably and ignoring me. I know it was wrong but something inside me just snapped and I wanted control back of my life again. Anyway I miss him so much and I am not angry and I should be! Its three weeks since this happened and he has taken an AVO out on me. I just dont understand, I am not a violent person at all and it scares me that I am damaged from all this crap (trust me there is lots lots more) and that its all my fault. I feel very hopeless and would love some advice and feedback on this. I wish I could explain more but do not have enough room. But its quite bizarre and he was a pot addict (about 15-20 cones a day) which I know contributed but he seemed so together at times. I feel like I never knew him :(

...I am 28 years old and he is 35. I have never hit or hurt him physically in any way and never would. In fact I was so shocked I moved out of my house the day after. I have not contacted him since except on the morning after once via phone to apologise for slapping him. It went to vm and I did not leave a message and have not contacted him since. Also, I owed him money and had organised a repayment scheme prior to leaving him and he went to the small claims court demanding payment even though I had already started the payments and had given him it in writing. I am so shocked. He also rang my work saying he was gthe district court and that I had been arrested then called again saying he was the person that had been assaulted.

I gave him everything I had, but also fought along the way for what I believed in and I trust to some extent that I was right standing up for things. We had a termination early on in the relationship and I did not cope very well and it all started from there...we terminated and I took it very hard. I felt v guilty and very unsupported emotionally by him.I would say i was a bad person and he would never correct me. I sunk into a very dark place and chose to get some counselling. I felt so much better after, that it was normal to feel so guilty etc and have since moved on and forgiven myself. I felt like i was crazy and he let me think that. Also, after that my house got broken into (nothing was stolen which was bizarre and lucky I guess) and I moved into his place. He lived with one other guy who is my best friends brother and actually tried to hit on me prior to me being with my ex. I turned him down but we still continued to be friends.

anyway out of the blue, my exs flatmate said to me to basically go, i had overstayed my welcome even though I knew nothing of this and would have left knowing this and stayed with friends. My ex never mentioned this.After I left his flatmate send me a text saying something had to change and to give "us" a break (meaning him and my ex)..I thought it very very odd, i mean what the heck!! i was not aloud in the house afterward for the rest of our time in the relationship together. also, i never got to know any of his friends, especially his girlfriends. they ignored me and made no effort at all. he would go to dance festivals etc and leave me in a mess...

due to the fact that i did not understand what was going on. i just felt so worthless...i would pull my own hair in frustration! i thought I was going mad and could not carry on like this, hence my decision to leave it. alos his friend said i stole his exes makeup when we stayed there which is not true at all!! on the flip side, he would be so attentive, loving and do so much for me at times...and was so charming and charasmatic. and i think he must have never loved me and I feel so foolish... have i thrown away the love of my life i am sooo confused???

i am not a drug taker - your answer is not really relevant to me! lol
and also, I don't want to have drama in my life like this, hence the reason I chose to leave..i ask for opinions because I want to make sense of it even though i leave myself open to senseless opinions

Answer 1

if you hit him then you assaulted hm and did act violently. the court will deal with you accordingly.
if you are not charged with assault but just have and AVO don't panic, it only means you need to stay away from him and he needs to stay away from you which is a good things.. you dont get a record from having an AVO against you well not in Australia anyway.

living with an addict can be come addictive in itself for many people, the rollercoaster of ups and downs is somewhat like a bipolar kind of life the downs are very down but the ups are amazing...

put this whole situation behind you... accept that you are probably not in a postion to judge a person to be suitable or not for a relationship for a while so do not go headlong into another relationship and by all means continue counselling..

best of luck..

Answer 2

My impression from all your information in that you seem to like a lot of drama. I'm glad you're in therapy - I think you should work hard at that.

This relationship is not right for you, and you should walk away and not look back. Work on getting yourself into a healthier place before you start something new.

I wish you luck!

Answer 3

Trying to live with an addict is too much for most of us. There are 12 step programmes that deal with this specific problem. Accept the order and seek the help you seem to need. There is Al-anon and Nar-anon. They will probably be listed in your local telephone book. Good luck and i hope you find peace with yourself.

Answer 4

The Next will be the Best!

Hppy new year!!