This is something i wrote , honestly.
i've had other people tell me its great. But i still dont know yet.
As I walk with you in the night, the only thing that is taken is your life. Now I sit here, just thinking, thinking of why they took you and not me. My world isn’t complete without you, and I can’t make it on my own. I see you every now and then. Sometimes it seems as though you are really there. All I dream is when you will come to take me with you. When I do see you I can’t bare to look you in the eyes, for it is impossible because you are DEAD! One thing you could do is to wake me up from this nightmare. Every midnight I stare up in the sky to see a sign that you are there. The tears and sadness is trying to break me down but I won’t let because just the thought of you keeps me alive. As the rain falls I listen carefully so maybe I can hear your voice once more before I meet you again. But I do realize that I will see you soon someday soon.
2006-12-28 19:49:26 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I must say it is well written even if I needed to read the first sentence some more times.
Then English is not my language.
And it is going to my heart too...
I know the feeling and it is about a living person...
I hope for you it is not something real...
If so, we are kindred spirits, Abercrombie...
2006-12-28 22:23:37 · answer #1 · answered by klaartedubois 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let someone edited it for you, and put some rhyme on it. Although it is well written, it is too wordy. You can rewrite it again because you have a good way to start of being a good writer someday. Happy New Year.
2006-12-31 13:06:09 · answer #2 · answered by linda c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it some rhythm ...and rewrite it as a song...leave out the caps on dead -
everyone dies -
its no surprise..
and offer it to someone who can sing with feeling...Leona Lewis would be good...
thats lovely - the bit about you listening carefully in the rain. The rain has a voice too.
It is poignant, sad - but theres hope and love in it.
very good.
2006-12-29 06:52:10 · answer #3 · answered by zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I sympathise with the sentiment in your writing and it obviously comes from the heart .If it helps you to cope then keep on writing
2006-12-29 08:26:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, what are you going to do with your masterpiece?
you want to become a writer? You must write for a purpose, otherwise.....
2006-12-29 08:17:54 · answer #5 · answered by wilma m 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i like it
2006-12-29 04:23:48 · answer #6 · answered by Analyst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋