They have been hating me so long it is ridiculous! But he seems so introverted because they reject me and my daughter, so I decided to try again with them. They always hate me, but accept him! It makes him so confused. And I feel bad for him that if he hadn't married me, maybe he would still have a good relationship with his brothers, and parents. There is so much history here, but it always boils down to they like him, but not me. THAT NEVER WORKS FOR HIM. HELP!!! It feels like a no win. If he is around them, they act as if I am dead, if he is not , he seems deeply unhappy, but will not admit it because he knows I know it is due to me that they reject him. We have been married 23 years, but I am ready to give up on us. We are so lonely without family, and everyone decides there must be something wrong with us because we never have anyone to have holidays with .It hurts our daughter too! What would you do if you were me? I feel like just giving up on life and happiness....
2006-12-28 19:23:25 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. The same thing happened to my sister when she married a Catholic Italian guy. They weren't together more than a year though.
Congratulations on keeping it together for 23~!!!
Religion is a strange thing when it comes to families. I think that your daughter suffers the most.
Communication is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. Please find some way to tell your daughter that what is happening is not her fault.
I am not really sure that I helped at all, but I hope that you can see that I empathize with you and also care for the well being of you and your daughter.
2006-12-28 19:35:48 · answer #1 · answered by sugarpacketchad 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I are both catholics as most French people in France.We have been married for 30 years by now.Nevertheless it was some kind of a drama when he married me. He was 38 and still living at his parents'. I was 11 years younger.
My in-laws would simply ignore me when we had fami!y meetings. When they wanted to take pictures, they just asked me to get off the table.
Anyway, as my father-in-law was totally out of his mind and had to be cared for all the time, they would remind me of my "duty" as a member of the family to spend Sundays with my parents-in-law.
All worsened when my mother-in-law lost her mind too to Alzheimer disease.
When they removed the bones of my father-in-law to put them into a new tomb, we all had to be present. But we, the two in-laws present, had to go back home on our own as the rest of the family went to a restaurant.
My husband and I had to stick together because of business matters between him and his two brothers and legacy ones between the five children they were.
I spent my days with my daughter who is 26 by now, protecting her from the nuisances that might occur on her father's family side.She hardly knows her cousins.
But you know, even if we spent Xmas among the three of us,at least we were peaceful and happy.
I hope some day she will be married with children. We will add a few new members to our little family circle.
It is how the wheel of time rolls !
You don't have to despair too much. Time often heals these wounds.It will be easy if your marriage has a strong basis.
Take care of you and your loved ones
Mary
2006-12-28 19:57:40 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Bo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to realize that if his family could be this way also to his daughter, his family has some serious issues. I was born and raised Catholic, and I can tell you from my heart, I do not proclaim to Honor the religion now. The church it self is almost gone bankrupt because of all the court cases of molestation! I do proclaim to be Christian. My point is, a family always comes first, they can never be replaced. I feel his folks are suffering from "control". Your husband has got to realize this by now. When he goes to his parents, I would just go too. If he goes by himself, they still get what they wanted in the first place. Which they probably by now, think is you not wanting to come to their home. If they ask you to leave- than go-after you speak your mind-calmly. But I doubt they will. If your husband is being loyal to you, than stand by him, and go. Don't be pushy when you go, just let things go slowly, after a couple visits, things will loosen up. Good luck to you!!
2006-12-28 19:53:01 · answer #3 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go see a family counselor on this. 23 years is a long time to just give up on your family (husband and children). Marriage is a lifetime committment and it sounds like your husband has made that, have you?
Talk to your husband. Call up his parents, siblings, whomever in the family and talk to them. Tell them how you feel and what you want. Ask them to particapant in the counseling session.
Good luck!
2006-12-28 19:58:34 · answer #4 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family is pretty important to people in the Midwest, but this should never supersede the marriage relationship. You belong to each other, first and foremost.
Where's your family? In the old days it was the man that became part of the wife's family.
I would never suggest converting to Catholicism. Their lack of love here speaks volumes.
2006-12-28 19:32:10 · answer #5 · answered by AnswerGuy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if the are that mean, I wouldnt care to be around them. If he cares so much then he should get them in line, or be done with them. He can still be catholic and married to a non-catholic. That was his choice. Your daughter shouldnt be brought into it either, but I have ex inlaws so I understand your situation W/ that. I would tell him to deal with them once and for all.
2006-12-28 19:32:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
nicely for sure he will b responsible, yet u favor to stroll completly away because he can extremely reason u to backslide and u r not married so u dont ought to stay with him in Gods eyes in truth there's a verse interior the Bible that tells u to stay faraway from depraved human beings. U favor to locate an excellent Christine guy who will take good care of u and who will love u not someone whos all drugged up and doesnt have an finished deck.
2016-12-01 07:12:09 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe try to find a day where everyone is around, sit together n' speak out your problems......u guys need some communication n' understanding....respect each other's opinion is the best way to stay together as a family....persuade your hubby to open up, too......it would be healthier....what's the use of keeping everything inside n' lead a miserable life??? this problem must be solved ASAP!!! good luck!!
2006-12-28 19:33:02 · answer #8 · answered by Marijuana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His family is just messed up if he has not stood up for you after all this time it is not going to happen. He must either tell them he left the church for himself and it had nothing to do with you or he must tell them that either they start accepting you or he is going to communicate with them anymore. 23 yrs that is pathetic if church was so important to him then he would have kept going even if he married you. Sorry but Catholics are just fuc ked up
2006-12-28 19:34:28 · answer #9 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been there!! my husbands family hated me too!! he went throught the same crap with them as your husband is. but i gotta ask why after 23 years are you still worried about it? i mean that an awful long time to start complaining now. if you have been in this that long then its really hard to say what you should do. why do you want to give up after so long??
2006-12-28 19:29:21 · answer #10 · answered by onyx maiden 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋