I've been thinking for a few years if I am gay. I had experiences early on that I always thought was experimental. Since, I've dated lots of women and never thought of myself liking boys, but after none of the relationships worked out, I started searching for answers. I'm now dating a great girl, but I still fear I'm gay somehow. Because of this fear am I subconsiouly letting it leak out in ways I don't know? My girlfriend has had a few dreams that I and an old bf of hers came out to her. Somehow she senses things about me, when I'm sad, angry, etc. Can she also sense that I might be gay? The crazy thing is, is it might be true. I have a weird facination with it all. But I'm not comfortable investigating it. So I just try to ignore it. What should I do? Confess to something I don't know to be true and lose the best girl I ever had. Or ignore as nothing and keep things the way they are. How do I explore it without going behined her back and crossing that line of curiosity and doing it.
2006-12-28 18:32:33 · 18 answers · asked by jamiesjim 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It sounds like you might need to take a "time out" from your current relationship in order to figure out what you really want and need from a partner. Obviously you are not totally satisfied in your current situation...if you have doubts about your sexuality. Maybe you should be single for awhile and explore your true feelings and desires. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her the truth (or as much as you think she can handle). Asking for some time and space for yourself is not a bad thing (you might be doing her a favor in the long run). Don't try and live a lie...pursue the truth and learn to live with the answer- you will be happier for it.
2006-12-28 18:55:21 · answer #1 · answered by Lorenz 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly where you're coming from, buddy. I'm in the same situation, only I'm female. And I really don't have an answer unfortunately. I personally think it's best not to go behind your girlfriend's back. I wouldn't do that to my boyfriend because he's a very good guy and I love him very much. Then again, you feel like you're missing something--you're attracted to guys and you may never get the chance to actualize who "you" are. That's a real dilemma. But we are attracted to people all the time and we're committed, I think we need to honor the committment. We can't break up with people every time we find someone new we like. When we get old, we're going to want someone who knows us and has been there over the years. But maybe that someone for you is a man, not a woman. I think you should give it time until you figure it out for sure, then you can make a decision.
2006-12-29 13:48:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are often plagued with phobias and doubts on both sides of the fence heteophobic and homophobic . You must decide if you need to tell her and go and try it out and possibly get it off your chest or possibly find it's really where you belong or forget it and go on subjugating your doubts but either way being honest you may incur the misunderstanding of your friend and loose current standing. Many a Gay go unnoticed unless they are the more obvious flaming personalities. So you are probably overly sensitive and need not fear so much. Nothing beats the real thing for awareness in experience unless you have a vivid imagination and then their you have it once again that word imagination.
good luck
2006-12-29 03:35:50 · answer #3 · answered by dogpatch USA 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, some people cope with the same problem.
My mothers uncle is married. He has a fantastic wife and 2 sons.
Both his sons are gay and he told my mum that he had the 'luck' to meet a nice woman just in time, cause otherwise, he would now being in a relationship with a man (and he would not have 2 sons)
What I would like to say with this is; some people don't really know where they are attracted to. To this man, he was moreover attracted by the personality of this wife, and that makes him loving her. (but in fact, he is gay. You could call this bisexual, but I am not sure this is)
And in your situation, you said, this girl is a fantastic girl. I would wait and not investigate, cause (I think) you two are very happy together. But if you have a strong feeling of missing something in this relationship (and in all your other relationships) I would look around for eventually a relationship with a man.
hope you find your true love!!
2006-12-29 05:16:32 · answer #4 · answered by frenzie-ann 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes I think others can sense it. You'd be the last to know, of course. Only you know whats in your heart. There's no sure way to find out. If your girlfriend is having dreams about you being gay, she may be giving you the oppurtunity to admit it so she won't get hurt. One thing for sure, do not use the girl to prove that you're not gay. In other words, someday if you marry her or another female, that won't prove anything. Men have done this for years thinking by marrying that makes them straight. All it does, if it turns out you are gay is accumulate years of saddness, makes the girl think that everything you did and said was a lie. Makes her feel used and resents you. Causes self hatred and doubt, and nothing good comes of it, especially if there is children. I know from where I speak, believe me.
2006-12-29 04:58:06 · answer #5 · answered by older, not wiser 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been thinking of boys/men during your eraly experimental years? Turned on by them? Fantasize about them? Your inkling towards boys/men more than the girls/women in your life?
Having date many girls and failed doesnt mean you are gay. It means your relationships didnt turn out the way it should. Reflect back on your various relationships, how many survived past 1 year and more.
Your latest girlfriend may be your one true love and to settle down. Maybe not.
However, you may be bisexual. That is normal. Dont be scared. Your tendencies will be towards the girls more than the guys. However, should your tendencies shows more towards the guys, then you are gay.
2006-12-29 02:41:17 · answer #6 · answered by gs04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I second gs04 's reply.
Go through a gay porn site. Look at some pictures and videos. If they don't turn you on, you are not gay and you are not bi.
Your success or the lack of it in relationships with women indicate nothing about your being gay. In fact, many gay guys would make very good relationships with women very easily, had they wanted to.
If you wonder that you might be gay, look what you are sexually attracted to.
2006-12-29 06:22:52 · answer #7 · answered by B 3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you talk with her? If she truly loves you, she will appreciate that you trust her and are honest with her.
I recommend you start reading about this. There are many great books. Ask a cool librarian.
Look for the books by Armistead Maupin, Randy Stilts, and others. Do some internet (googling) searches.
2006-12-29 02:35:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honestly if you don't want to loose her you should just let it go since you think she is the best thing that ever happened to you. Or maybe try talking to her if she's as great as you say she is she seems understanding.
2006-12-29 02:54:50 · answer #9 · answered by Mz Bree 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i agree with lorenz, step out bud, you have some stuff to recognize, she may see things and understand things that you do not know, my guess she is familiar withthem, but take some space to realize yourself, what better thing to invest in, how can you do her right if you question yourself? do right however you can, good luck bud
2006-12-29 05:07:14 · answer #10 · answered by Thomas A 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋