I'm almost 18 should I get married soon?

Question

I'll be graduating and going to college on a full scholarship soon. My boyfriend is 20 and has a good job that could support us both. We want to get married and live together where I'm going to colllege (he has good job opportunity there).

Living together and not being married isn't an option because of our mutual beliefs.
My parents want us to wait till I graduate from college but I know that there is NO WAY we can wait that long.
Mutual friends and mentors (including a marriage coach who is a family friend and knows us well) and his family support the idea. Our pastor believes we are too young, however.

Should we gat married the summer before I start collge, after my first semester, after my first year?? (I will be skipping my freshmen year of college and entering as a sophmore with credits I earned in high school).

We wanted to wait until marriege to have sex but continue to slip.

Once we are married, and living together, I will be able to focus more on school because we won't have to "go on dates" or have scheduled time to see each other.
He is my best friend and my best supporter. We have been together a long time and have already maturely dealt with several major obstacles.
My Pastor also said if we wanted to get married in 6 months he would still love to do it.

We would still go on dates, I meant that wouldn't be the only time we see each other.

As opposed to getting married because I'm preganant or for a financial advantage, we genuinely want to start the rest of our lives together and share everything as respectful partners and I think that is the best reason to get married.

Answer 1

If marriage is what you really want and feel your ready for then go ahead. I know most people will not agree on here, but in your case I would say yes. If he can support both of you. I would go through full counciling with the marriage coach.

It is your decision to make. Just make sure your marriage will not interfiere with your college scholarships due to the income he will have from the job.

I married very young just one month before my 17th birthday. My husband was 19. He was going in the military and we both had graduated (I was put into kindergarten early because that is what they did with gifted children back then) from high school. We knew eachother 2 years before we got married.

We just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. The key was we grew together instead of apart. We still go on dates and do fun things together neither one of us feel we missed out on anything. Those early years financially were hard (we always supported ourselves no outside help) but they were some of the best times that tied us together.

Listen to your heart, you will soon be 18 and can make the decision for yourselves. I wish you all the best. As long as you are realistic about the struggles ahead, are best friends, keep communication open and realize marriage is a lot of work you are ahead of a lot of people twice your age. If your getting married just so it's okay to have sex, well that is not a good reason.

Answer 2

Well obviously you are going to get married no matter what anyone says, so just do what you gotta do. Your parents probably don't support the idea to get married now is because they want to see you graduate college first. Once that is out of the way it would make it easier to focus on your new marriage. It's always a parents fear that their child would drop out and never get the opportunities that they would get if they would have stayed in school. If you want their blessing chances are they won't give it to you now, be prepared that they may cut all ties of financial support to you if you go through with this, that includes all school expenses in the future. As far as when to get married, if you were willing to wait after the first year then that would be best. College is hard to adjust to for some people and you want to start it with a good standing. If you get married before it may be all too overwhelming. Just take it easy in the next year, your life with flow in the direction it was meant for.

Answer 3

Krista D,
A word to the wise is sufficient, wait until you are at least twenty five. I know you sound like you're very mature for your age but you need to taste a little bit of the adult world before you get married (married life and college will interfere with one another). I am as sure you love him as is I'm sure that he loves you. So you are having sex, big deal just protect yourselves so that you can have a future. You say your boyfriend has a good job that can support you both? What if you become pregnant will he be able to support all of you? Where are those dreams now of a career after college? I only want you to think of the options you have now and that there is plenty of time to be married! I'm not going to lecture you! I only want you to consider all of your avenues. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 4

You should absolutely wait. Enjoy the dating and the fun part now--it may not seem like it, but you are both so young and will learn and evolve quite a bit through college.

Once you live together and/or get married, as wonderful as this can be, real life sets in. It might actually make your relationship stronger to wait and go thru some life experiences first than to dive in to something as serious as marriage. Think about it...you've only lived 18 years and you're talking about potential 60-70 years with someone at your age...what's the rush?

Answer 5

Havn't you seen Boy Meets World? Look at Cory and Topanga! They are so cute together! Yes, it wasn't easy at first, but they were so in love!
If you know you're in love, GO FOR IT!! You should never make a decision like that based on what your parents think. You're an adult now. It's YOUR life. Yes, you need them in it, but as your parents they will support you no matter what.
In my opinion, you should maybe wait until after your first year. Just because it's such a big change in your life. You should get to know that first. Also, that gives you time to plan a beautiful (inexpensive) wedding! It's so much fun, I'm doing it now. By the way, I'm only 20 years old myself.
Good luck sweetie!

Answer 6

I'm of a mixed opinion on this.
Most people aren't ready to be married at a young age in current culture.
Then again a few are. My own parents for example got married when my mom was 18. And they just went to Hawaii for their 24th anniversary.
I just got out of the Navy and marriage is common for the young guys there. I've seen it work And I've seen it fail.
Look in side to your deepest feelings and follow your heart.
I would at least wait until a year of school was done though. That should give you time to see if college will make a significant change in you.
Every body is different. Some people are ready for a commitment like marriage at a young age some aren't.
It's all up to you in the end.

Answer 7

I got married at 18 to my soul mate and I never regretted. We started dating when I was 16 and now Im 26. We are so deep in love and so happy. But we forever sacrificed the excitement of a first kiss and a first date and so much more. I don't know what it's like to live independent and alone. To go one dates as an adult. So many things that you think you won't notice but as life goes on you wonder about them. We got married because of an unexpected pregnancy, but what's your rush? I just feel like, don't do it if you don't have to. You can love eachother and experience a lil more of life as an adult before you make the commitment, it's the biggest one you will ever make

Answer 8

The most important people, your parents and your pasture feel you should wait, so wait. They have your best interest at heart. Marriage takes a lot of work, and you are going to be just starting college, at your age, you are not mature enough to handle both. If you two truly love eachother, you should make the wise decision of waiting. If you can hold out for that long, your chances for your marriage lasting will increase. If you marry now, there is such a slim chance. I know you might feel like the love you share is like no other, but almost everyone has been there, it is very common. So, please consider waiting.

Answer 9

Actually...everything really depends on both of you. For us...we may give you a piece of advice to continue and finish your studies because we foresee not only a successful married life but a very bright future for you and your would be offsprings someday. Getting married is a lifetime commitment. Your studies takes only a number of years of patience and perseverance from both of you. You're still young...why not enjoy ...we are but young only once in our life. If both of you really meant for each other then fate will find a way. ...but ...if you're not really destined for each other...then no matter how you profess the greatness of your love still you will end up separated...or getting divorced later on. Is this the kind of a married life you are eager to have now? If so...the choice is yours...not ours. Good luck!!!

Answer 10

Try to wait on both counts. It is unbelievable how much you learn in college and how much you and your boyfriend may both change in the next year. If it is meant to be it can be a year or more later.

Your parents and your pastor know YOU and have your best interests at heart. This is a good time to trust their judgment - it doesn't mean you can't marry your boyfriend in the end - just wait to make sure. It can only help you.