what r the words that i can say or actions i can do to let him be comforted..i try to massage him 3 times a week which doesnt seem to be enough...my attitude is just not quite the happiest since he won't even communicate with me and tell me what he wants he just expects me to know already everything about him which is causing our relationship or rather our marraige is at stake...
2006-12-28 18:07:16 · 16 answers · asked by Legant 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to each other. Since you’re the one who is aware of the problem then I would recommend that you initiate a discussion with your husband about your sexual concerns. If you’re afraid to, then the problem that you just mentioned is not confined to the bedroom. Sex is communication and more often than not good sexual communication is reflective of good overall communication between partners. If you’re afraid to create conflict, than you will most likely shy away from one another in all areas of your life.
If your husband responds positively to discussing your sexual relationship, then you’re on your way to solving your problems. Not knowing your sexual history, I can’t comment on your experience and knowledge about sexuality. One thing you should know is that very few couples intuitively know how to pleasure each other. To create a mutually satisfying and loving sexual relationship takes awareness and knowledge. The two of you need to spend time reading about sexual techniques. By doing so, you can learn the "what and how" of sexual pleasure. If you go to our Bookstore, you can find a number of excellent books on sexuality.
2006-12-28 19:57:26 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's got it into his head that you are there for all his needs and he's becoming increasingly ungrateful and selfish. You are not going to help this by continuing to worry and pander to him.
You can be a good wife, without going to that extreme. Most husbands would of course love you and cherish you for fussing over them. Who doesn't love being fussed over and how can it hurt to do that to someone you love? However, when it is becoming totally onesided and you are doing all the fussing and not getting much response in return, it is time to STOP pandering to him.
Wife's obey your husbands, husbands honor your wives. It goes both ways. He is hurting you greatly by being deliberately selfish. Isn't it time he grew up?
First of all, cut out the pandering and stop trying to find new and better ways of pleasing someone who isn't even responsive. You are actually casting your pearls before swine (in a sense). He's almost throwing your efforts back in your face.
Don't worry that it's something you're not doing or not picking up on. It won't matter what you do, even if you do it near perfection, he'll continue with his disassatisfied attitude.
How about getting a little bit more self contained? he sounds like a spoilt child and you are continuing to allow this to go on. Stop it! You don't have to be nasty, but start being stronger and stop allowing yourself to be put into this position constantly. IGNORE HIM ONCE IN A WHILE and don't give in. Start tending to yourself a little more and to other things. You can continue to love him, be a good wife, but you do not have to behave like a slave to do his bidding and try and satisfy all his desires and figure out every little need.
This is not a marriage, so you need to take a stand and if he acts up, LET HIM ACT UP.
2006-12-29 02:25:52 · answer #2 · answered by Gus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH GOOOOOOSH! your so nice. He sounds like a baby. But then again I think most men just assume you can read their minds. It's a given. And well I know I don't posses that gift. And if you ask him what the hell the problem is, and he still acts this way he's just being a moron. I bet if you stopped massaging him and being there for him he'd WONDER WHY! then you can switch the tables and have him read your mind.
2006-12-29 02:16:56 · answer #3 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really isn't much that can be done if he isn't willing to communicate with you. He can't expect you to know what the problems are in his life if he won't tell you. Be as supportive as you can by being there if he decides he wants to talk. But, don't wait forever, you have a life to live too.
2006-12-29 09:01:04 · answer #4 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off, what is he doing to comfort you? Marriage is to love protect and comfort both parties not just the husband. From what you describe it sounds like your husband needs some psychological help. He needs to be communicating with you and he needs to be appreciating you and what you are doing for him. You are not a mind reader and no one is. You have needs too and it doesn't sound as if he is fulfilling them, professional counseling might be a good idea, if he won't go, you go, it sounds as if you are already doing plenty for him...so, I won't advise you on doing anymore for him...Good Luck!
2006-12-29 02:16:57 · answer #5 · answered by kewtber 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just find a quiet, peaceful moment in the day and talk to him, try to avoid all topics that relate to his stress and then once you are comfortable doing that frequently, you can start talking about the issues in his life. If he does not want to talk to you, then just tell him how important communication is in a healthy marrige.
2006-12-29 02:16:17 · answer #6 · answered by Zach H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the others who say you're trying TOO hard! You have needs too. What are they? It's my experience that men do not want doormats! so don't be one. Tell him gently that you've tried to be as good as possible with him and you feel he doesn't appreciate it. Tell him you're feeling miserable about it all and ask HIM to do something about it! If nothing changes you should seriously rethink the whole relationship!
2006-12-29 03:33:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your marriage is very one-sided. What are you going to do? You are so unhappy. Do you want to get a divorce, or do you want to go to counseling?Is he worth the misery? I can't imagine he is. Why are you asking how to comfort him? You need to take care of you for a change. Let him do for himself.
2006-12-29 02:17:58 · answer #8 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you've been doing all of these things and it hasn't worked. Why keep doing them? He has a voice and is not a child. He should be able to communicate what he wants from you.
2006-12-29 02:12:24 · answer #9 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore him and go into another room and read a book. Sometimes you can over do it, and that could be stressing him out. Give yourselves some space.
2006-12-29 02:11:46 · answer #10 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋