How is this poem...........................?

Question

The truth is a wonderful and mysterious thing
Seldom it comes untouched from our twisted tongues
Held imprisoned whenever it seems unpleasant
It is twisted and turned, churns an altered shape
Dull threads woven into silky and shining fibres
Notes hearing most pleasant to another's ears
Sometimes twisted too much and a different thing
The washing water no more but a flaming fire
Our wicked tongues from it slithers snakelike
The snake coils around the eye hides all true
Hourglass turned, the ultimate countdown begins
Known, time's sweat and labour is but forgotten
Rare an event the truth comes pure spring water
Touched not by human tongues so misleading

Answer 1

It's actually very good...it starts off superbly! Careful that you don't lose your pace partway through. Also, separate some of the lines with punctuations and watch repetitiveness.

My suggestion?

The truth is a wonderful and mysterious thing
Seldom it comes untouched from our twisted tongues
Held imprisoned whenever it seems unpleasant
It is turned and churned to an altered shape of
Dull threads woven into silky and shining fibres
Notes sounding most pleasant to another's ear
Sometimes contorted too much, a different thing
The washing water no more, but a flaming fire
Our wicked tongues slither snakelike from it
Coiling around the eyes that hide all truth
Hourglass turned, the ultimate countdown begins
Known, time's sweat and labour is but forgotten
Rare an event, the truth, and with it comes pure spring water
Touched not by human tongues so misleading

Cheryl Kaye Tardif, poet and author of Whale Song, The River and Divine Intervention
http://www.cherylktardif.com
http://www.whalesongbook.com
http://www.kunati.com/catalog_whale_song

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It would not inevitably would desire to rhyme even inspite of the shown fact that it needs to hit my thoughts. i think of readability of expression is substantial besides. i don't want to 2d guess what i'm examining approximately. I continuously seek for what I term "poetic gem stones"interior the text fabric.

Answer 4

I love your poem. Here are some fragments it reminds me of:

What is a truth seeker?

A truth seeker is a restless soul in constant search for something to set his/hers mind at ease, but whenever he finds it, he turns numb, and longs for the emotional turmoil that lay such a solid foundation for creativity. To be alive is to be frustrated.
According to Schopenhauer, will is evil. Will is the only thing that’s good, and without it we would dismember into nothingness and end up as an indistinguishable part of the flat energy of the universe. The world is full of equalisers, and our main obligation is to resist their effort to make us part of the evil grey mass, commonly referred to as ‘people’.

Only when we trust our intuition can we be creative and find a sense of meaning in this miserable world, but no way of life is more haunted by pitfalls into the abyss of hopelessness. When you’ve touched the specimen stones of universal insight, you experience a moment of gratification not comparable with any stimulus found in the material world. But as the devils watchdogs keeps pulling your leg, sooner or later you’ll loose balance and land harder than anyone who thinks moderation expresses some sort of life wisdom.
In the quest for truth there can be no moderation. The reason for this is that if every clear thought, every principle, every logical argumentation, is to be modified by common sense, then what we end up with is mental stagnation. And to me, mental stagnation equals death. Common sense is a mixture of sense and prejudice in an indistinguishable stew of unclear, often contradictory set of thoughts. It might teach you how to survive in this world, but I prefer to be on the brink of the precipice rather than to adapt to something so incompatible with honest reflection.
To genuinely believe in and live by the philosophy that acquiring truth is the main purpose of life, will inevitably create an insurmountable void between yourself an most other people. You simply cannot accept and keep the set of norms and moral standards partly imposed on you in childhood, so you decide to base your way of life on your own reasoning. This makes it possible for you to see things clearly where others are blinded by their habit thinking.

Answer 5

It's... amazing. I know you probably can't help this, but it has some unecessarily big words. I do love this poem, though! It's true. I love the lines that say: "Held imprisoned whenever it seems unpleasant." and "Rare an event the truth comes pure spring water". I also love the metaphors. Oh... my gosh. Please. Please. Please. Write a book of poetry! I love it!

Answer 6

I really like it.... you've got great images in there and really winding and sneaky (in a good way) metaphors.

Good job.... how about submitting it to a poem website or contest? It's really good. You might want to think about adding just a bit of punctuation....just to make it easier to follow..

Answer 7

I could really relate to your poem. I felt it deeply, and am now choked up thank you very much.

Answer 8

Hi there,

Very interesting,
have you seen this site?

http://www.poetry.com

Answer 9

hmm...a good one!!
if its urs keep up the good work..
pregnant in thoughts..
makes one reflect upon all the white lies
dat we speak in our everyday life...

Answer 10

It's very deep, but I don't get it...


Good job!