can you make tell a good joke?

Question

i always mess up the funniest jokes and they are never as funny when i tell em

Answer 1

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I
really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you
today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes
everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel
great. I be at work soon.........
You got nice house."
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A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!"

The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind.

The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!" The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"

Answer 2

heres a good blonde joke.youve probably never heard of it. its not popular. A blonde was talking to her boyfriend and he asked her how tall she was. She told him to wait while she measured herself. So she measured herself,looked at the ruler and it showed that she was 1 inch away from 5 feet. She got back to her boyfriend and told him that she was 4 ft. 9 in.! He was like 4 9! U R REALLY SHORT! after a while the blonde measured herself 2 c if she was really that short. This time the measuring tape said that she was 4ft. 11 in.! She immediatly called her boyfriend back and told him that she grew 2 inches. He told her that it was impossibe 2 grow that much that fast. it turns out, the blonde looked at the ruler wrong. She thought that there was only 10 inches in a ft. She told her b-friend that she was 4' 9" when she was actually 4' 11"! LOL! this is what happened to me except i didnt tell my boyfriend that i grew 2 inches. I knew i looked at the ruler wrong.LOL! I made up this joke.thats why its not popular. please tell every1 u know about this joke and the story 2 it. it would be cool 2 have my joke world wide!

Answer 3

a guy on trip in Spain is going right into a cafe and as we talk encounters a delicious aroma. He figures out it is coming from a dish being served to a guy close to him and so he calls the waiter and asks, "what's that guy over there ingesting? It smells large!" The waiter says, "those are the bull testicles from the bullfight this morning, Senor." the guy is a sprint shocked at this, yet orders them although, and useful sufficient, they are delicious. He comes back day after on the instant and orders the comparable subject. He unearths it as good as in the past, yet is a sprint disillusioned with the aid of the skimpy length of the dish. So he calls the waiter as quickly as extra and complains, "it became nevertheless good, yet you probably did no longer supply me very plenty!" The waiter replies, "Si, Senor, each and every so often the bull wins."

Answer 4

I really do love this country, but...

1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

Answer 5

Q: How do you tell snowmen and snowwomen apart?

A: Snowballs!

Answer 6

i can most of the time

Answer 7

hahha!!!!!! you make me laugh!
there, you feel better? ;-)
I have the same problem.. cant' remember the joke, and the punch line.

Answer 8

Q.Why do women get periods?
A.Because they deserve them.

Answer 9

Is that engrish?

Answer 10

No I can't .