for their children's birthday party. My mother-in-law will only attend my son's birthday if we have a large party and invite the people she wants to. The problem is my husband and I have is we can't afford it. We compromised and said if she wanted to come over cake and presents that would be fine. Her response was since she the grandmother that it her day too. I do not agree with it. Then I told if she wanted to have a big party that she would have to help pay for it. But she said it is our responsiblity. She will not acknowledge his birthday if it is done her way. What is the right thing to do.
2006-12-28 15:57:30 · 29 answers · asked by momof4 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do it your way and consider it her loss if she does not attend. She sounds nuts to me! If she wants to throw a separate party for him at her expense and her place, let her. Otherwise do it your way and let her behave how she wants.
2006-12-28 16:00:23 · answer #1 · answered by schweetums 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you should tell her that she is being selfish. Your child's birthday is not about you the parent or the grandparents, it's about your child. If all you can afford is a small gathering, then do that. Have the party, if she does not attend that is her problem. But, perhaps you should make the point that it is not about the size of the birthday party, but the special people that are there. I'm sure, in a few years, your child won't remember the size of the actually party, but the fact that grandma wasn't there. Ask her if she's willing to hurt her grandchild in such a way.
2006-12-29 00:05:50 · answer #2 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like the mother-in-law from hell. Is she like that in every family issue? In giving birthday parties, the host/hostess is responsible for paying for the party of THEIR CHOOSING, that THEY can afford. Guests have no say in that. All they do is attend, or not attend. I don't know where she gets off thinking it's "her day too" -- LOL -- it's your son's day alone. She shouldn't be trying to make you break the bank to put on a children's party. If she thinks there should be "more" she should graciously offer to help pay for it.
I'm with you on this one.
2006-12-29 00:10:55 · answer #3 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find your mother in-laws attitude more then a little offensive, in your position I would ignore her completley. It must be hard for you, it would be nice to have her there for you son, but I dont think her attitude is appropriate.
The party is absoloutley about your son, its nothing to do with his grandmother, she should want to come, and saying she wont unless she gets her own way, is only making her look imature.
I dont think its anyones responsability really, you just do what you can for your children, if you can't afford a large party, theres your answer you can't afford it, theres nothing wrong with that.
I aggree with you totally, if your mother in-law wants one she should at least help with the cost.
I hope you and your son have a lovely day, no matter what you decide to do.
2006-12-29 00:09:28 · answer #4 · answered by Keiko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is your responsibility to fund you son's birthday party and with that comes the right to do it the way you see fit! It's YOUR son's birthday and that means you do things YOUR way. Period! It is not her day in any way shape or form! It seems to me that G.Ma has serious control issue's.
If G.MA wants to through a huge party on some other day to celebrate her G.Son's birthday I would let her but she must be informed that it is her choice and therefore her bill.
To not be willing to acknowlede her G.Son's birthday if it not done her way is simply pathetic. I would distance myself from this over bearing old bat as best I could.
2006-12-29 00:26:39 · answer #5 · answered by Ta Dah! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right to ask your mother in law to pay for the party. YOU are the parent not her. If she wants a big party she should pay for additional costs to get that. She has no rights as far as your child is concerned. It sounds as if she is trying to see how far she can go with controlling your household. She will tell you next that you have to buy a bigger home and you both have to pay for it. She is controlling you need to end it, you don't have to be mean to do it either but end it before she gets out of hand.
2006-12-29 00:06:03 · answer #6 · answered by Steph 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HA! Screw her... it's not her place to tell you how to throw a party for your own kid! OBVIOUSLY, you, the parents, are going to have to pay for the party since they're your children, but you don't need to be extravagant or anything! If she won't come, then forget her. Spend however much YOU are willing. Hell, you're kind enough to even GIVE a birthday party when others don't even bother to, so your kid should be grateful. I thought the birthday party was to celebrate your son, not your mother-in-law...
2006-12-29 00:02:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear I am a parent as well and I have grand children so you can lesson to me! I think you are living @ your own place so you and your should husband should not let your Mother dictate you and your family's life! so have your child's Birthday party the way you both can afford it if you can't afford it don't worry about it just save your money to send you child to school when he or she is ready to go to school You and your husband have a life to live &. your mother can not live it for you so just love your mother but stand up for your family and your self Mother will comes around when she see that you are not here BABY any more but a grown woman with your family. So I say to you ( YOU GO WOMAN ) you and your family.>>>>.
2006-12-29 00:24:17 · answer #8 · answered by norman j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your responsibility to pay for a "party" that's within your means. If that means cake, ice cream, a few presents and a few guests - so be it. It's wrong of her to think that this day has anything to do with her. She's just trying to be controlling. Don't let her bully you into doing something you don't want to do or can't afford.
2006-12-29 00:01:03 · answer #9 · answered by karespromise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hosts of a party get to pay for it (all of it) and they also get to decide how large/small the party is going to be. You m-i-l wants to have the rights of the host (making decisions) without taking on the responsibilities of the host (paying the bills). Don't give in to her blackmail. Tell her calmly but firmly what the party is going to be like (who will be invited as per your choice, etc.) and if she refuses to attend, simply say "We will miss you".
2006-12-29 00:02:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, if what you are saying is accurate then I can't help but feel sorry for your children. grandma seems selfish and controlling. but you are the parents so it is your call. If she does pay then she should have some say in it...I say have it your way, take into account what your child wants and what you can afford...it is your child's day, not grandmas ( I wonder if she thought your wedding was her day too-LOL) let your children enjoy their day, let that be your focus...of course, invite grandma if she comes or not, its her choice...you don't have to play this game. yes, it is your responsibility to pay for the party and it is your right to have it as you see fit...good luck!
2006-12-29 00:13:25 · answer #11 · answered by kewtber 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋