Why does being a stepparent have to suck most of the time?

Question

I realize in some cases it is the kids, but mine are preety decent, and can be downright sweet at times.
And though it has gotten better, sometimes it just really, really, sucks.
So why? Why does being a stepparent have to suck!!!!!?????

Answer 1

because sometimes the kids take out their problems on you since your an easy target...all kids do it_

Answer 2

I've been a step-parent to 3 kids. At the time of my marriage, they were very young. I raised them all, now they are 21, 18, and 17. I have no children of my own, they are it. I'm very proud of the way I raised them, however, stepparenting still sucks at times. I don't really know the answer, maybe I expect too much out of them, such as; respect, honesty, loyalty, compassion, etc. They couldn't always be or give those things, however, I wasn't always those things for MY parents either. Time will heal any wounds. In most cases, yes it's the kids, in other cases it's the ex. My problems are always with the ex, and always will be. I have the respect and love of her children and she will never accept that, which is HER problem not anyone elses. Just continue to love and nurture your step-children, no matter what, they will thank you later. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

It sucks most of the time, because there are so many people involved. Most people don't want to step on someone elses toes, so they are extra careful about what they do or say, or you get the opposite, and you get someone who doesn't care who they hurt, so they say any and everything to anyone who will listen, they love stirring up trouble, and if their ex's life is not disrupted in someway, they are not happy.
The kids are most times caught in the middle of the adults, they feel like they are being dis-loyal to mom(for example) if they like the step-mother, so they will remain standoffish, or they will cause trouble. Then they feel guilty for not being nice,or causing trouble for the step-mother when they are with dad. For the kids, it is a nightmare(I know, I have been both the kid and the step-parent in this type of situation)

Answer 4

Step kids suck because they have the ability to make you feel like dirt. You can do more for them than their deadbeat father, but for the most part they will barely acknowledge you (even just saying, “good bye”, etc). You are just there; you are a second rate human. I have a few, one of them, I like to think I have a better relationship with most of time, but then just as easily he can make one comment (even if he isn’t trying to be spiteful, that just puts it all in perspective). Mom, doesn’t like me disciplining the younger two, so I’m just a door mat. I have my own daughter and that is special. I think a lot of it comes down to the person you marry and their position on this. You will always be number 2, so if your spouse does not establish that you are in equal, you are screwed, and even at that the honeymoon where’s off, so good luck.

Answer 5

Being a stepparent is the toughest job! We got custody of my my son when he was 10 and there was a lot of manipulation until he graduated from high school. He is now 22 and has told us that he was trying to get my attention instead of me paying attention to my wife (his step mother). By the way, he is now serving our country in Iraq, so he has turned out pretty well! Hang in there!!!

Answer 6

I've been a stepparent to mine since he was nine and he's now nineteen and home from college for Christmas. It still sucks. I feel for you. Hope things get better.

Answer 7

Part of the problem is the bad press step parents get from movies and stories.

Some of the problem is that step parents are often left to discipline the children.

The rest is the resentment that the step children feel because of the divorce. They take it out on the step parent and blame them for the "real" parents' divorce.

Answer 8

Because the mom or dad of the kids has coddled them, and not demonstrated to the kids that they MUST behave at least politely to their stepmom / dad. My two steps are okay kids, but they have zero problem giving me "what for" at a moment's notice, and if I tell them not to talk to me that way, they just ignore me, knowing that no discipline will be meted out. "Strangely" enough, when the steps want something, the politeness almost spurts out of them, and if I choose to indulge them,
afterwards it it back to "normal." I have zero interest in disciplining them for my own sake, but I feel I am being less than I should as an adult if I let them get away with this, so I discipline them, and they hate me for it. I've tried for over 10 years to love and ingratiate myself with them, and that is ENOUGH! I will always support them with house and home, so to speak, but I've given up on being even a step. I'm sick of them both, and while I was originally reticent to show it, wanting to give them what I thought kids deserve from an adult, I'm sick of their selfishness and rudeness. As for letting mom be the "bad guy" she has ZERO desire for this, and prefers to let me take the load of sh*t from the kids, hoping I'll just take it and not complain. So far, she's right, but..... Stepmoms - get over your guilt about your kids and them not having their "real" (blood) dad around. They and you BOTH need to grow up and realize that undisciplined kids grow up nasty, selfish, and, believe it or not, unhappy. If moms don't want us step dads to deal with the kids, the YOU DO IT, and don't just talk about it. I won't be holding my breath waiting for this to happen, though.

Answer 9

Because step kids treat you like dirt and their bio mom never wants to discipline them or teach them manners. She will always think you are the problem and her little angel can do no wrong. You will always be the bad guy even if you are not the bad guy at all.

Answer 10

First.. it's a thankless job..I know I raised mine w/o the bb....and now after 12 years they all grown up the bb wants to be in their lives..and i suck..take it from me Don't put any time energy or thought to the step-kids or you will be stepped on..

Answer 11

Because people don't love other people's kids like they love their own no after how good/cute they are they aren;t your kids. Plus there's always drama with the other parent.