Opinions please? Do you think that a 37 year old man?

Question

should have outgrown "cruising" with his friend who is also almost 40 years old by the way for hours drinking beer and going to bars during the week? My husband has obviously a wife, a job that he only works part time on and 2 kids yet he goes out "cruising" as he calls it leaving at 10:30 pm sometimes out until the wee hours if he comes home at all. I work full time and have to deal with him telling me to "go to bed you have to work" and then being woken up at 4am by him dragging in! His friend has no job or wife or kids..what do i say i think i've said it all to him!

Now I am so upset I can't sleep and i have to work tomorrow. HE does this all the time!

Answer 1

oh boy......you are in a tight spot my dear.....I too work my tail off so I know your tired, and he's working part time and out with his bud....."cruising"......(shaking my head)......the "go to bed" comment gets me a tad pissed, cause' you and I both know it is meant in a derogatory way.....and as a woman, that pisses me off......hate to say it, but you have a tad of a problem, that I don't see an immediate fixer for.....because HE is acting like an idiot.....(sorry, not meaning to insult, I have a husband who can be a butt head when he wants to be).....He has you to pull up the slack financially, you are probably the primary caretaker of your kids, after all he's out all night, so he's probably hung over....Take a picture of him at his worst, blow it up and pop it on the refrigerator......"Here's a good look honey"......You have probably had a few "rounds" (arguements, battles, name calling by a drunk).....and have probably said everything till your blue in the face......You have a couple choices......You know he is out DRINKING.....that means DRIVING......Know anyone in your home town in the police dept.?......I live in a small town, EASY to teach someone a lesson....get my drift?????.......or, you can leave him, or ask him to leave, but if he's drinking, he is not going to be of "sound mind and judgement", if he tends towards any violence when toasted, you leaving may be the only option....and you need to protect yourself.....But, this is going to continue, and continue, and continue, till he gets into an accident god forbid, kills himself or someone else, and then his kids have no father....So, the Police thing is not a bad idea to WAKE HIM UP!!!! I would do it in a heartbeat if it were mine, I swear....Alcoholism I have had in my immediate family, and in laws....so honey I KNOW what your dealing with.......best of luck to you sincerely.....

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel having been in the same spot myself for 20 plus years. Only difference - my husband worked 50 to 55 hour weeks and stopped every night after work so he could "bond with the guys" and come home drunk and fall asleep in the chair. I raised the kids mostly by myself. Please do not give up on him if you truly love him. We finally discovered he was depressed and needed medication and counseling. We (as a family) did counseling and also discovered my husband held everything in as he did not want to bother talking or feel that talking about it would help. What a wonderful difference the meds and counseling have done. It is now 15 years later. We have a loving, respectful, caring relationship and two sons who have turned out well. It is a battle but well worth the fight to get on the right track. Of course, he has to be a willing participant,

Answer 3

He is a very immature man who does not have any respect for you whatsoever. It is healthy to go out every once in a while with your friends but I do not think he is cruising the streets. If he is coming home at 4:30 then there is more that is going on then he is willing to admit. Do not be a doormat tell him he needs to either slow down and go out 1 maybe 2 times a month and come home in a decent hour or he needs to keep driving with his friend and never come back. You need to actually mean this though.

Answer 4

sorry to hear this lady but let's look at the facts.... you are an adult not just an adult u are a parent u have TWO kids to tend to. for their livelihood... this loser u married isn't being an adult nor is he there for your kids...Does he spend any couple time with you? For a man almost 40 years old acting like he's in his twenties is just sad...try couple therapy. You two are married and he shouldn't have a problem trying that to make a marriage work if he IS a decent man and i am hoping he is underneath all that trash. Tell him about couple therapy I know it's not as easy to do as it sounds but just think: you could just be fooling yourself/digging yourself a deeper hole and next thing you know time flies by and you or your family could be in even more jeopardy.

Maybe there may be some secrets that may be uncovered there. He obviously hasn't grown up much something has stopped him maybe he is having cold feet for some reason. You'd be amazed at how out of touch one can be with his/her emotions..no matter how long.

Answer 5

Okay his friend not being in a committed relationship and taking your husband out with him, pretending to act like he's a single man all of the time isn't a good thing. You need to tell him, remind him really, that he is married TO YOU and that you have a family that you both should be responsible for, that he needs to get over this mid-life crisis he appears to be going through and grow up already! He can't expect to go out "cruising" and hanging at bars all of the time, while you and the kids are back at home, with no clue as to what he's really doing! Him going out once in awhile is perfectly fine and normal and healthy for your guys relationship.

Maybe suggest going along with him sometimes, to see what's really going on. If he doesn't dig that idea, try getting a babysitter and following his butt and see for yourself what he's doing while he's out all of the time. It doesn't sound right or good to me. Good luck!

Answer 6

Are you his doormat? sounds like it. Call Dr.Phil and ask Robin his wife what she thinks. But seriously, how could you put up with this behavior. If you are the main breadwinner in the family and taking care of the kids and everything, you have to have a heart to heart with your hubby.
Tell him he can no longer act like an unmarried man. Who is to say if drinking and cruising is all he's doing. Really, what is he cruising for? Have you asked him? Are you afraid to?
His immaturity and selfishness is a bad influence on your children. If you have boys, they will think it's okay to dump on girls and treat them as workhorses, not people. Your daughters, will believe it's okay to let men do whatever they want, and not be responsible to the family he created.
Let's face it. Your family is suffering if he's not around. The money he's using on gas and liquor alone is probably putting financial pressure on your family. If you make that much money that it doesn't-God bless you, send me some!
He cannot be there for you or your children. Let me tell you he is not a good role model of what a REAL MAN IS. A real man works and sacrifies his own desires for his family.
Tell him he can grow up or get out. If you really love him and think he's willing to change insist on therapy for the both of you.

If he's worried about his friend, remind he didn't marry his friend, nor does his friend come from his gene pool. His friend is just that and his wife and children should come first in his life. Remind him by law, he is responsible fanancially for His Children!!
Honestly, if you both don't go to counseling and find out why you continue to allow your part in this unhealthy relationship as well as why he uses you like he does, you are just going to continue down the same path. Also, do your self and your children a favor, get HIV tested. My brother in law did the same kind of crap to my sister for 25 years and she believed his lame stories about where he was and where the money went. Meanwhile he was spending all their money on drug addicted whores. My sister has to be tested every year now to be sure she doesn't have AIDS.
She has 5 kids-3 are grown, but still, how would you feel if you had a diease that will kill you. Do you think your useless, self absorbed husband will raise your kids when you die? Would you want him to?
If you are that messed up about yourself, at least think of your kids! Get help, both of you, or get rid of the parisite you call your husband! Feel free to contact me if you like. Good luck!

Answer 7

Based on the information you have provided it sounds like your husband has no respect for your or your marriage. It sounds like he wants to live the single life. Why not try this. Tell him since he likes to hang out with his "friends" so much that he can go live with them until he decides he wants to either grow up, be a man and father or be single. His behavior is ruining your marriage and you don't have to put up with that crap. Cruising? Sounds like a load of bull to me. Cruising for other women maybe. Don't be a fool.

Answer 8

he may be in his midlife crisis..i don't know what to tell you but that his friend is lonely and has not as much responsibility perhaps and wants his company thus becoming a bad influence on someone who has a wife and kids. talk to you husband about this and let him know your perspective on the issue. let him know that you want him to be home at a decent hour and how he has been unintentionally waking you up. if he is not willing to compromise, kick him out or divorce him. good luck!

Answer 9

i did just about the same. my reasons were how miserable i felt studying a career i didn´t like. fooling myself was better that facing responsibility . hoping that better times would come if kept wishing for them. remembering the good old days was the main topic with my beer buddies. getting married was the best thing that could ever happen to me. he needs professional help pronto. arguing won´t help because you don´t know the causes of his behavior except for laziness. kicking him out of the house might do some good because he´ll know then, who his true friend are.

Answer 10

Yes. He needs to grow up and realize he has a life.

An occassional beer (or two, three, etc.) after work at the local tavern (or with work buddies on the way home) is normal for a married man. Going out and leaving your family after you get home to "go out with the boys" on a regular basis IS NOT NORMAL for ANY marriage.

I know. I used to do this, and it ruined my marriage.