please help marriage is falling apart fast!!!!!!!!!?

Question

My husband says i have problem using using paying pain pills and xanex and i cannot denie that i do , but the thinkg is by right he does not trust me and i undertand that. I am willing to fix to my problem going through rehab or ahtever it takes. But he also likes to drink alot as we speak we is around the corner at a friends house watching the game and hanging out with the guys drinking. On christmas eve we had 2 parties to attend he opened his first beer at 9:30 am and continue to drink beer the rest of the day with being said as we went on to his family side of the party as the evening gets later he comes out and say "**** beer is cutting it anymore lets get the wishkyand geta stiffera drink i need lots of advice can yall please help without judging we all have faults yet we have 2 boys 11 and 8 what can i do i dont want to be sperated from the children and i am tring to make him understand if i go through this treatment what is he gonna do to make it better when i am done. please

Answer 1

It seems clear that both of you have an illness. The illness of addiction or dependence manifests itself differently in different people, with the same results for most--jails, institutions, or death. Given the fact that from none of those places nor from your current state can you give your children the life they deserve, or be in a position to advise your husband to look at his own problems, I suggest you make arrangements to do what you need to do to get yourself healthy.

Deciding to become sober cannot be contingent on whether or not your husband decides to do the same. You need to decide whether or not you want to get better. Don't lie to yourself. You can certainly detox, but recovery is different from detox. Detox is just getting the substances out of your system and breaking your physical addiction. For recovery, you will have to get to the point that you realize, down to your core, that your life is no longer livable because of your slavery to pills.

If that's what you've decided, then right now it should be your only focus. A program of recovery will provide you with the support, perspective, and councelling you'll need to decide how to live, or not to live, with other people's choices.

Answer 2

Hun
Your issues are a heck of a lot deeper then ppl on here can solve for you. You should go see a marriage counselor with your hub and decide if one or both of you need to go to addiction treatment.
I know this is a very hard time for you- but someone has to be the reasonable one to watch out for the kids. Maybe limit your intake as you go through these next few months of decision making- because it will cloud your judgement.
HUGS

Answer 3

You both need rehab and individual counseling and marriage counseling, and you'll need individual counseling for your kids as well as family counseling for all of you to rebuild your family when you get things figured out. This isn't judging, but in my opinion, although being separated from your boys will be devastating, you need to do the right thing for them in the long run, and that is you getting help. You can't take care of your kids without taking care of their mom. If you and your husband can both work on yourselves and your individual problems and get that sorted out, and then, on a sober, even playing field, you still love each other and can work things out, then great. Put your kids first, they are all that matters, ultimately.

Answer 4

Well get counseling and both of you go to rehab. As for the kids secure them with a family member or a friend. The two of you need to help each other through the alcohol and the pills. It take 2 to tango. Take the two of you and make the situation better for your kids and for yourselves. I hope I wasn't judging. Best of luck to both of you.

Answer 5

I'm not here to judge.When you said that you have 2 boys my heart went out to them because there in a house with a pill user and a alcoholic.All i can say is please go and get help.You cant worry about your husband drinking you have 2kids to worry about.If you do go to get yourself clean please leave the kids with someone else.To you husband it easy to judge someone until you turn the mirror around and look at yourself. do what's best for you and your kids. Just put it in the LORDS hand and everything will be alright.He say you take one step he will help you the rest.

Answer 6

no judgement. u are wanting to be better thats the first step.think about what makes u want to take the pills? stress ?pain ? addiction? read books or interment on treatment. Learn how to be happy read Depak CHoppra take a bath be a great mom. and support your husband on his addiction. Marriage wasnt supposed to be easy niether is life. so make it a great one!! Kiss Kiss!!

Answer 7

You go ahead and go through your rehab because it's the right thing for you and your boys. If he doesn't want to go to rehab and try to make things work then you dont need him. It just goes to show that he doesnt care about your relationship.

Answer 8

You really can't help anyone else until you help yourself first. I would be alot more concerned of how I can help my children have a better mom first. Remember first things first. He may never change but you well you had better change for you childrens sake don't you think????

Answer 9

you need rehab and he need AA

get them both, also get counseling because something is causing you two to look for a chemical solution to some type of problem

Answer 10

well your solution is long term so e-mail me at [e-mail] and i will try to help if i try to help out here i will be assuming a lot of things about you and i do not want to do that and also answer is so long the space is not enough i am sure some thing will work out e-mail me if you like