I am going through a divorce and she left me a year ago, Why cant she just move on with her life if its over? We both have don sone things wrong and I asked her to forgive me for the mistakes I have done and she Said she forgave me. She on the other hand claims she has done nothing wrong and loves to do a lot of mud slinging when ever wh talk on the phone. not to mention she took the kids when she moved out. We are still married and going through a divorce.
2006-12-28 15:08:40 · 28 answers · asked by gmguy12 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Women never forgive or forget.
Didn't you know that?
Two men can get drunk and fight. They can beat the hell out of each other. The next day they are best friends with great mutual respect.
Two women exchange insults or evil glares and they are mortal enemies for life. They may act civil to each other in public, but inwardly they HATE the other bi-yatch. Ten years later, nothing is changed.
Women carry animosity to the grave.
.
2006-12-28 15:13:26 · answer #1 · answered by Me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with quicksand's reply.
But, if you've done your wife wrong, she will never forget. She may forgive you, but you need to let her have her space to do just that.
That being said, there are always two sides to the story. Right now I think most of the people who have replied are siding with your wife. Do you want her back? Do you think she wants you back?
If you keep saying "why can't she move on with her life if its over" sounds like you aren't completely sure. Sounds as if you really don't care either way. If that's true, then why bother arguing? If it's not true, then fight for her...and get your butts to counselling.
Stop dragging the kids through all this anger and resentment. They'll always remember it unless you do your best to get along. No mud-slinging around the kids. Trust me. Been there, done that.
2006-12-29 00:02:07 · answer #2 · answered by CricketB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not tell her your sorry for hurting her (again), and ask her to give you another chance if you go to a Marriage Fitness Program. Mort Fertel's MarriageMax seems to be a good program, though if you know of a different one, I'm not pushing this one. He has a lone ranger track that as long as you can interact with her it might make a difference for your marriage. There is also a couple's one if you can get her to agree to participate. Sometimes they are bitter about allllll the hurts and not just that one thing. If you can learn to love each other according to each other's needs, maybe you can even solve the problems that caused the problems, and be happier than you ever were.
I'm just hoping there is some way to save your marriage for yours' and your children's sakes.
2006-12-29 01:09:08 · answer #3 · answered by Bre 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
two wrongs never make a right..So just remember she is going through a lot right now and you are too..Let her deal with it in her way.I know it has to be hard for you, but try your best. If you come at her with nasty comments back it will make the situation worse..I would recommend that you both go to counseling, Go to counseling for both of you to understand why you are getting a divorce and get past the hurt and anger so that you both can focus on the children...These children are listening and know everything that is going on...If you both are unhappy they can feel it and it effects them more than you know..Please for the children go out of your way to be the bigger person and get both of you counseling...You both need to sort out your feelings and what is the worst thing that can happen? You might become friends and raise your children together with out arguing all the time.Sounds like a plan to me..Try it out!!
GOOD LUCK!!
2006-12-28 23:16:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to just TRY to work things out! My parents are together so I have never experienced a divorce! DO IT FOR THE KIDS!!!! Could you imagine what they are going through!! If you can't EVER make peace and stay together I guess a good lawyer would help w/ the trial! I hate to see families fall apart! But all I can say is KEEP TRYING!! Im rooting for ya!
2006-12-28 23:13:53 · answer #5 · answered by Lauren40 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some women (myself included) have a really hard time letting go if we've been hurt by someone. Especially if our self-esteem is low, which going through a divorce, you usually don't feel the greatest about yourself. So you tend to find reasons for the breakdwon in the marriage which brings up old hurts and quite frankly, you can be a little illogical.
I promise, give a little space and you will see with time, she will realize her part in everything too. And be a little nicer to you....
2006-12-28 23:12:46 · answer #6 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first let me tell you sorry....I am sure it is not easy for you....My parents had a very ugly divorce. Alot of "mud slinging" as you stated also. My father was not a very nice man towards my mother for many years....Guess he blamed her for lots of things, and she couldn't handle things in general, so she split, moved 2500 miles away and I only saw her 3 times in 25yrs. When my mother died 4 yrs ago, my father did a 360*, it totally did a number on him, all that was festering all those years disolved the day she died, alot of wasted time......that is my point.....It takes some people years to gain the maturity to not name call, especially in front of the kids. The fighting, and bickering, and it doesn't solve anything, vented up anger.....If I were you I would tell her YOU aren't going to participate in the tit-for-tat bickering anymore. If "we" can't have a civil conversation, then your going to hang up till she can......Someone, has to initiate stopping the immature crap that comes with a disolving of a marriage. Whatever it is that you "did", is her amunition to push your buttons, and by what you wrote, your letting her do so.....You have kids, you want them to be well rounded people turning into productive adults one day, not ones with emotional problems due to the baggage you and/or your ex bring to their world.....The KIDS are always the ones who suffer, ALWAYS!!!!!......You, be the smarter, more mature person, and stop it all.....Tell her enough is enough, time to grow up, and mutually raise the children you created at a time when you cared for each other......Its not too late to become civil towards one another, don't you think.......
2006-12-28 23:20:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, we just can't forgive and really love you men so much that it makes increderbly miserable that it is so much easier to be mad. It will last a while till she gets over it, but it probably hurt and know she doesn't want her life to be like this so she has to move on but still loves you so much. Have you done anything to get her back, something big, huge, public to get her back so she will know you are sorry. Maybe she will find it in her heart to be at peace, she may still be suspicious and miserable but it is your job to be patient and make her trust you again, you owe it to her.
2006-12-28 23:27:34 · answer #8 · answered by Smile 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never been married...but maybe she still loves you and wants to find a way to defend herself from the "loving feeling" she still has towards you, by blaming or pointing the things you did...and maybe the denial from her part is just an excuse for her to feel better about herself...or whatever I don't know...
...the only thing I can say...she still wants you around or she wouldn't bother at all...try your best to be more understanding don't lose it! you have 2 kids with her....
*Good Luck!
I hope things work out the way you both want and agree!
much love!
Happy new year!
2006-12-28 23:17:57 · answer #9 · answered by marcela_ipa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems to me your problem is you want your kids back but the thing is before divorce who ever has them ia who has them until custody rules over it is the law srry to say your lawyer may be able to helo you out a little but as you know he cant change the law 4 u
2006-12-28 23:12:45 · answer #10 · answered by happy_go_lucky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋