Confused!!?

Question

Been married 8 yrs. My husband has not been a great husband but a great dad. the problem, i just think i dont luv him anymore. he messed around with my sis last yr (kissed her) and he has always made fun of me in front of friends but now he's trying really hard to be nice, but i think i have no feelings left. and he makes twice as much money as me. i work full time but may not be able to afford things im use to. should i leave? i dont want to hurt our son or his family. oh and i am getting help and we are both on anti-depress.

i have told him for 8 yrs that it hurts when he puts me down or make fun of me! but he always says he's just jokin, as far as our son, our live totally revolve around him no joke, we dont talk about anything but our son, work or friends, no romance, no mushy nothing, no goals for the future, nothing is this normal?

Answer 1

The key to a good marriage is communication between both people. You should have let him know years ago how you felt about his put-downs. He should have understood your feelings. Both of you on anit-depressants means that you are both feeling the stress of a bad marriage.

Try having a long heart-to-heart talk with him. Lay it all on the line. Tell him exactly how you have felt the last 8 years and where you see the marriage going. Let him get his chance to speak. Do not raise your voice, and do not put blame for this on him. Just each of you say your view of things and then determine what your future plans are-work it out or divorce.

Answer 2

Counselling counselling counselling! That love you think is gone can be renewed. Love is a choice as is happiness. We all choose how we are going to look at the world everyday. Choose to love and choose to be happy and you will be surprised with how great things will become- you are in charge of your own destiny. I know it sounds easier to say than do, but when you commit to it, you really can change how things are. Be sure to take time to have fun together- go out as a couple and remember to be adults and not just Mom and Dad- kids are so much work and put so much stress on a couple - be sure the stress you are feeling is coming from the relationship and not from somewhere else. Take care & good luck!

Answer 3

You know i have never been a fan of divorce. In fact i hate it. But the fact of the matter is, if actually staying married is just ruining your life and others, then staying is just going to be a big lie. You will be tarring yourself down and eventually you won't be able to handle it. So my question to you is, Do you still love him? Put aside what happened and ask yourself if you still love him. If so, can you work things out. Another thing you need to ask, is he going to cheat on you again. Because if he is and he wont change then leave. Like I said I don't like divorce but when some idiot cheats on someone that he loved and married then I just feel like beating the living heck out of him. Sorry but it is true. Nobody should do that it is wrong. But when it all comes down to it. It's your choice. you need to decide what is best and what will make you happier. I hope I helped. And please this is very important, do not get mad and decide to get a divorce just because of what I said. I would feel horrible if I split someone apart, but I still hope that you choose wisely and right. The best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Yes, leave get all your financial **** in order..Talk to a lawyer with out anyone knowing....Remember half of everything is yours...Your lawyer can help you sort out all of your financial issues...He will have to pay child support their is a table that goes by his income so your lawyer can also tell you how much to expect...You can have a consultation with a lawyer for free so write down all the questions you want answered and go see a lawyer...You can make it own your own I promise, it might not be as comfortable as you are now, but you will sooner are later...And believe it or not you can adjust it seems as though you will die with little money, but it will give you a new lease on life. You will realize what is really important and what isn't..
If he tried something with your sister that is all it would have took for me..He has no respect for you at all...Putting you down, making you feel stupid at all is wrong, but infront of others shows you how little respect he has for you..If you do not have any love to give him baby please do your self a favor and move on...Put money aside in an account nobody knows about for a while...If you can put it in your moms name or your childs name that would be even better..Put as much money away as you can with out it being noticed at all...If that means stop spending so much then thats what you need to do...Delayed Gratification is what you need to be looking forward to right now..
Do yourself a favor and leave now before you feel that you are just too damn old to and believe me it happens...

Answer 5

I think if you aren't in it for LOVE than you shouldn't be there. It's not fair to anyone in the situation and it's time to move on with life. Take it one day at a time.
As for your son he shouldn't be a reason to stay together because in the end everyday you suffer he suffers. Everyday you are sad and depressed you are actually taking away from him and others including yourself.
I think you should only worry about your health and happiness. You both can be better parents if your happy. He can still be a great dad with or without you.

Answer 6

I think you should stick this out until you are in a better frame of mind. He is a great dad, he is trying hard to treat you nice, you have him to provide things you want - why throw all of that away while you are on anti-depressants and getting counseling? It is all too easy to exchange one problem for an even worse problem. Start here and build the life you want. Don't make a hasty decision - there is plenty of time.

Answer 7

He is a player! He KISSED your sister & makes front of you right in front of ur friends! Your son shouldn't have to grow up in house with unloving parents. Get a divorice. Think about how you want to live your life the next 5 years.

Answer 8

love doesn't always mean you'll feel the way you felt at the beginning... its ways deeper..
remember your vows, if you really meant them...you promised to be there forever

don't give up because you don't "feel" love for him..
there will be tough times and there will be good times

getting through the tough times makes you so much stronger and closer...
that's what makes marriage an amazing thing...the commitment
Your children need to see parents who don't give up...it's so important for them

I am not saying that divorce is never an option...
but you have to try with all your might to make it work!
I hope that things get better for you!!

Answer 9

I am glad you are getting help.

Since you are very confused, as you say, a legal separation may be better than just going straight to divorce. This way yours, his, and the childrens rights can be legally protected. Maybe getting away from living with him with help you get a better perspective on things.

Answer 10

my sis is in the same predicament as you and i'll tell you what i've told her. leave him. you are not happy and for him to mess around with your sis that is total disrespect and disloyalty. it is more hurtful to your son for him to see you not happy than if you left. and as for the money problem, that will be something that you will have to get used to. it will be hard at first but you will get through it and then you will be so proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and not putting up with anyone's crap. i hope all works out for you. be strong!