Do women respond better to a male that treats them poorly, in comparison to a male that treats them well?

Question

A group of friends and I were discussing this topic the other day. My friend (male) told us that the women he dated seemed respond better if he treated them poorly (name calling, verbal abuse) in comparision to if he treated them with the upmost respect. I didn't totally agree with that, but being tottally honest with myself, I believe that there may be some truth behind it. I picked up a reading a book entitled "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them", where I leared that this type of behavior is very commen. What are are views on this topic from your life experience?

Answer 1

The amazing thing, is that women don't take what we say literally, instead they are always looking for the hidden meaning. "how" we say something matters more than "what" we say. That's how we can say things that sound verbally abusive, but if the guy does it right, women know the words are flirtatious and not abusive, and they don't interpret it as abuse. It's so freakin' subtle...

Guys,

The psychological reason for all this stuff, is that attraction is not a choice, it's a primordial instinct. The social reason is that women are attracted to this type of naughty, bad-@ss kind of man. Read anything by dating guru "David Deangelo", or watch men who are successful with women. The scientific reason is that attraction exists so we'll choose strong mates, and thus have strong offspring, and so on, following a pattern of "survival of the fittest", that has successfully perpetuated the species thus far.

Usually you can't trust a women's advice on this topic because when women talk about it, they ironically don't usually speak from the heart, or from the gut (where it counts), instead they spout their own idealized values based in their cognitive thoughts. This is very different from the emotional state that causes them to go for a certain type of guy, so the advice is not consistent with what's REALLY going on. Think about it, we all know nice girls who go for bad guys. Afterward they will say anything to rationalize it and justify their behavior to make it sound rational, legitimate and wholesome, when it's anything but. When a girl feels that a guy is hot, it's going to be a gut-level attraction, not a carefully considered decision with approval from her mom. It happens in an instant because the hat he's wearing convays a certain sexy attitude.

Truth is most of the time I've been a loser when it comes to dating. I act nice hoping she will like me. I give in to good looks and let myself be smitten. I seek her approval. I'm submissive and a total pushover, and always do what she wants and let her have her way. I'm not assertive. I act like I have no backbone and act like a wussy in general. As a result I have very little game, because I'm behaving in a way that women find unattractive. I act predictable and so they find me boring. Even though people say I'm physically attractive, by itself that can't overcome the deficiencies I mentioned, because those are more important to women than good looks.

Ask any women and she'll tell you she knows a million guys that fit that description, and she finds them all icky, creepy and repulsive. She might want a guy like this to buy her dinner and as someone to bring home to show mom and dad, but no matter how she tries, she can't make herself like him, because he's just not very interesting, and she's not attracted to him. period.

When I act the opposite of all that, i.e. confident, teasing her and flirting with a sense of humor, then I get girls and can keep them. But as soon as I act like a little girly-boy, they all-of-a-sudden they miraculously have a change of heart. You can set your clocks to it.

To get women, you don't have to physically abuse them, but light verbal abuse probably helps. Either way you have to play the game. You have to "bust their chops" so to speak, tease them, flirt and in general always be "cocky and funny". These things subcommunicate that you are a strong man (remember, they're looking for the hidden meaning), and they will then feel gut-level butterflies, weak-in-the-knees type attraction for you. When you tell a cocky-funny blonde-joke and their jaw drops, and they punch you in the arm, you know you're on the right track. That's where the misunderstanding is, since the literal interpretation of a punch in the arm is that she doesn't like it, when in fact she LOVES IT!!!

Because women can bring life into this world, they have an ego driven Goddess complex. It's the man's job to remind them that they are still human, just like everybody else. If you can do that, and make a joke of it so you don't cross the line and insult her, then I bet this is the closest you'll ever get to her treating you like an equal. Even then, the game is still a "tug-of-war", and that's just the nature of it, so we may as well accept it, rather than frustrate ourselves by trying to fight nature.

Us guys have all the instinct to do this stuff that women love, but some of us "get-it" right away and it comes more naturally, while others of us have to learn how to get over our issues, and then practice the necessary skills before we have any chance of picking-up a girl.

Geez what a mess, hopefully I've shed some light on the issue. Good luck to both genders.

Answer 2

Women like a nice man, but are sexually attracted to a bastard, I don't know how to put it simpler then that, however, I can give more details.

It's not the bastard and prick qualities that women love, it's more of the qualities that come with them. Take a moment for a thought, think of a nice guy, what do you see? Most people would say a trembly, weak, nerdy, mamma's boy, wussy, and boring guy. Not very attractive huh? Now think of a jerk, get past his behavioral traits, put your mind on Mute if you have to, but you would usually see him as tall, confident, standing up straight, focused, independent, funny guy right?

Those are the base traits that those two types have, jerk guy will attract a billion times more women being a jerk and displaying those hiding traits with it then Mr. nice guy will with his weak and trembly air of him. However if you swap personalities, you'd have what really should be, if attraction was logical. But you get the idea here, and it's not entirely hard for Mr. nice guy to start acting more confident, independent, and funny, because if he does, he'll be good on paper, and in practice.

Answer 3

It depends on the woman. From observation, it seems that a lot (if not most) of women do go for the more rat bastard type of men, and I cannot fathom why this would be. I always treat women with the utmost respect, but have terrible luck with them. (probably because I don't meet many)

An interesting correlation I've found is that the more physically fit and attractive a woman is, paradoxically the more "bad" her boyfriend will be to her. Has anyone else noticed this, or am I crazy?

Answer 4

Some women accept the abuse to their partner but not me, if a men treated me badly I will never hesitate to fight back or just end up a conversation, I can't stand that kind of behavior but this is not only for women it's goes as well to some men. They like to being verbally abused by their partner.

Answer 5

I am surprised you say this, as many young women nowadays seem to be dissatisfied with the way they are treated by young men, and i have to say that some of the descriptions of male behaviour that I read on here astound me. I would say it is older men who tend to treat women better, on the whole.

Answer 6

I've read it's got something to do with animal instinct and attraction. Supposedly women all have a secret attraction to the dominating men. I don't know how true that is. However I'm not that type, I hate pushy SOBs with egos- and I'm stepped on repeatedly and therefore have grown tired of even trying to meet women. So it may be true!

Answer 7

Unfortunately, I've seen and spoken to women who actually go out with obnoxious guys. Some say it's because they find it a "challenge" and others can't explain why. It seems totally ridiculous but it does seem to be a regular occurrence. maybe I'm just hanging around the wrong type of women!

Answer 8

Some men chase women until they catch them. This could be the reverse? Perhaps the woman may like the challenge of trying to tame the "bad boy". To be the one to catch him and settle him down. Who hasn't joked about training their husbands? :-)

Hopefully, she will find early on, before it is too late, that it is best to start with a gentleman from day 1.

Answer 9

Depends on the woman really but from what I can see the girls who respond better to being treated poorly have a complex of acceptance. By that I mean that the poor treatment they recieve, makes them try harder to please the man to get him to accept and appreciate her. Ironically this rarely happens from what I've seen. Usually she gets walked over until the relaitonship ends.

Answer 10

what are you talking about? of course not..i have reas no such thing and i am very much into psychology in fact i am going to be a psychologist and thats insane...personally i myself would kick a guy where it hurts if he treated me poorly if that a better response. but no even more dignified i'd say goodbye and goodluck in life being the dork you are...
thats my life experience...i have friend who's husband is so bad to her but she loves him so much and i think she is a psycho but she doesnt respond better the him for that...she just gets stressed out that she loves him so much and clls me saying that she could get a million guys who could treat her so much better then why does she love this stupid ******? nobody knows even she doesnt!
but she certainly doesnt repond better i'll tell you that...some guy probably write that book to further objectify women.