Girlfriend Cheated on me and told me today?

Question

me and my partner been with each other just over 8 months were engaged and seen each other everyday since the start tonite she acted realy off with me and acted like she wanted to bring the relenship to end when leaving we sat in my car and she told me she does not want to marry me anywho when asking her why she finaly told me she cheated (slept with someone else) on me 2 months into our relenship and has felt total guilt since and after that relised how much she loved me, So I told her she had 2 options walk out my car now and leave me alone for good or stay and i'd forgive her, she stayed and i told her i'd forgive her and i told her a still trust her Now i forgave her because i love her and she admited it, Thing is i trust her and i love her but there's that small part of me wondering will she do it again and can you realy trust someone after that I feel fine just little hurt inside please advise

Forgot to add now she said shes cleared the guilt she still wants to marry and i agreed we'd stay (engaged)

Answer 1

A few weeks ago i found my wife was having an affair that's been going on for a month, we've been married for 9 years and have two small children.

Although i have filed for divorce already, we are in discussing to a possible reconciliation but it will be extremely difficult, much harder than if she'd had a one night stand.

I spoke to my financial advisor over what the possible financial implications could be and he came up with something that really rang true, he's been divorced so knows what i'm going through.

The bottom line is this, forget about any money you might have together, the links, the family, the anything, it all boils down to one thing, can you trust her again?

If you think you can then you should give it a chance but if you can't then walk away now and save yourself months or years of torture.
Being in a relationship where your checking her phone, her bills, where she's been, who she talked to is not a life worth living, you should just let her go.
Obviously things are a lot diffrent for me especially with children but the same thing applies to me and i haven't made that decision yet.

It's a hard call, just forget what some on here are saying because only YOU can make that decision, just as i do too.

Answer 2

If she did it once she will probably do it again. I can't believe that you forgave her so easily. She obviously does not feel too guilty about it or she would not have waited this long to tell you. The other guy probably broke it off with her and that is the only reason she told you. You can give her a second chance if you have a big heart but you should not trust her right away or you will be hurt even worse if she does it again. Trust has to be earned, and she royally messed up. Good luck on whatever you decide to do.

Answer 3

My advice is to this person is you have to ask yourself, what can you live with. If you think that your a person that can forgive and forget then it is possible to make that relationship work. If you can't forget what he has done then you should move on and try to start a new life, because no matter how much you may love him, you can't have a true loving relationship without trust. I myself, was in a relationship where I was head over heals in love with a man who used to say, "when we take our vows" and then I caught him in bed with another woman. A man that said he loved me and talked about marriage. Later on I found out that there were many other women besides that one. The humiliation and embarrassment he caused me I just could not live with. He begged me back a month later and told me that he missed me, but I told him that no matter how much I loved him, all I could think about was him with another women and how much he hurt me. He was engaged three months after our break-up to someone he barely knew. I was at first devestated, but then I realized I was the lucky one because I could find someone that wouldn't do that to me and make me feel so low and vunerable. You can find that too! I don't know why men sometimes feed us the world and then take it away, like "Oh, I love you and then a year later, it's I never really loved you at all!" Do what makes you happy

Answer 4

I'd be worried - not because of the cheating, but because this (especially your additional info at the end there) has shown that she cares about her own feelings more than she cares about yours. She didn't tell you so that you'd feel better, or because she thought you deserved to know, she told you to clear her own conscience. How marvellous for her that she can now forgive herself and forget about it and move on without any more guilt... but in doing this she's deliberately hurt you, and you haven't said anything that's made me think she gives a stuff about that.

I would plan for a long engagement, if I were you. Don't tie the knot until you are sure that she cares about you - because if she doesn't truly care about you (or cares more about herself), that won't ever change and selfish behaviour will bite you time and time again in your marriage.

Answer 5

Hold on Sweetie, hold on! you were together just 2 months when this happened, hardly planning to set up home then, maybe not even sure whether she'd continue to see you on a permanent basis. That's hardly reason for seperation is it...I'm glad you didn't over react in this situation as it would be a shame that you went your seperate ways over this.
Obviously things have heated up with you both now & you're even engaged as you say.
I would hazard a guess that she's felt bad of late because she knows it's the decent thing to come clean about this little episode...what..over 6 months ago, & at a time when things were not serious with you.
You have a right to know, especially as you're planning to get married, for her to go ahead & marry you knowing what she knows would be in effect starting your married life based on a lie. She knew this & has done the right thing by telling you, at least giving you the option of opting out if you wanted to. That's a darn site more than most do I can tell you. Imagine how you'd feel if she hadn't said anything & you found out say in 5 years time when you'd maybe had a couple of children...at least she didn't remove your right of choice from you. I realise it's not a nice thing to find out about & you're bound to feel hurt..& even feel a little sceptical about whether you can trust her or not.
This happened 6 months ago, it didn't continue whereby she was lying & acting sly in order not to get caught out. She hasn't repeated it either? in that case I'd say everything is probably going to be fine between you both.
It'll take a while for the trust to build up again but it will happen given time. There will be a small part of you that recalls this from time to time & makes you feel uncomfortable with it, but try to keep this in perspective Sweetheart & don't go & lose the girl you totally love because your ego is hurting.
I would respect her a lot for coming clean with something that she could so easily have kept quiet about. That's a pretty decent thing ...in my books anyway... not that it means someone can do as they wish as long as they're honest..there would have to be other things I'd be taking into consideration as well.
Good luck to you both...

Answer 6

It's all out now no more secrets. You know and you told her that you've forgiven her.

She may or may not do it again it's up to you both to keep each other happy , keep the communication open no matter what, treat each other how you would like to treated,

but at the same time yr only human and it's gonna take time for the circle of trust to become whole again.

Good luck Dude

Answer 7

I'd forgive her. She sounds sincere. I can think of umpteen friends who cheated on their (now serious) partner early on in the relationship. Why? Cause you don't think that this relationship is forever. You don't realise that you have to live with the guilt or 'fess up and risk losing a great relationship.

I think it is probably too early to say that you still trust her. Trust has to be earned, and it is probably healthy at the mo' to admit (both to her and you) that your trust is shaken. It isn't irretrievable, but now be completely honest.

A good friend of mine has been in your exact situation. His girlfriend cheated early in the relationship, then (as she realised that he was who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with) she felt that she couldn't carry on in the relationship without him knowing (or them splitting up). So she told him. He had a tough week, but forgave her and they are still together (5 years later) and are going to get married. She never cheated again, and they are the couple who are most suited for each other. I think it has given them a deeper honesty than most relationships I know. They truthfully have no secrets from each other - which is a rare thing.

If I were you I would cool things slightly. In that way you can at least mark this event, and move on from it. If you never acknowledge it, and deal with it, then it may haunt you. If you've questions then bring them up now. Part of forgiving is never bringing it up again.

Answer 8

Well, you are lucky she even told you right? so that right there says something about her character.. she felt guilty.. probably hated that feeling and would rather not go through that again.. I think you forgave her toooo quickly though.. but I think the relationship deserves a second chance... sounds like she made a mistake ... which a lot of people in this world make that same mistake.. so try to forgive and forget as much as possible. As for her doing it again.. you can't predict the future.. why waste your life always worrying about something you cannot prevent... and will probably find out anyways...

Answer 9

have some time out so you can really think about it...it has not sunk in yet, plus i would put back the wedding for at least 2 years if your relationship survives that long, 8 months is a short time to get to know each other, i personally would not give this person a 2nd chance because you have just opened a door for her to do it again. you love her, but does she love you? if she did, she would not have cheated, her guilt got to her and she had to rid herself of this feeling to make herself feel better (what about how you feel) did she think of that when she was on her back....NO....she has made a fool out of you, but thats just my opinion, if you can handle the fact that your girlfriend is a cheat, then good luck

Answer 10

I've been there. We have been dating for 4 years though. He cheated on my some time around the 3rd year. But I did forgive and NEVER forget. To this day I still think about it and wonder if he is cheating on me again. If you truly love her and feel you can trust her than try to make it work and try to forgive 100%. But I promise you... you'll never forget!