My mother is jealous. When we visit, we plan on a day and night out of range, offline. But, a week?

Question

She won't leave it at that - and half a month of bitter calls make me think she really has never heard of clinical depression. Why can't she accept that that her three children have to earn a living?

We don't have many days to take off! We all have other friends of our own age to visit. She regards it as a personal insult if we overstay with her by a day and not an extra week! If we call others to rearrange visits - "they should understand that this is family time". Our friends are understanding - we stay with them and they don't resent that our mother calls us. What is her problem? She calls us up twice a day all year and we don't take her calls - we spend 6.5 hours (we've timed it) every weekend all bloody year listening to her - she won't get a hearing aid - she is angry at being misunderstood -- she imagines that people are ignoring her. When any of us take her out, it's never satisfying. Our late father would have done it better, with more style. Her sisters don't understand her. She doesn't have friends. She hates us having friends who ring us. She won't remarry because she has devoted her remaining life to her children. I wish she would meet someone!
Am I alone here!?!

Boy, is she lonely! And depressed! And lonely! Did I mention her loneliness? As in when we each have to cancel our holiday plans and take another day we cannot afford, to spend time listening to her 24/7?

Including her following us into the bathroom at midnight to hear about what she said to a girl in a local supermarket ... and what she said; and she is offended if we ask her to stop speaking for five seconds, be right back?

But honestly. How do you tell your only living parent that you are not "hers", and that she should respect our right to take calls, visit the bathroom, and, frankly, be with her and include her in conversations? She spends 35 minutes per person every visit telling us why that person "is not to be trusted"!! She lived through the Civil War, and doesn't even drink or smoke - but refuses to see her GP, because "there's nothing whatsoever wrong with me".

Oops - when I say "out of range", I mean that she expects that we will not check our email, go online, or return calls or texts for that week with her!
I've taken her out to lunch, had her over for meals, brought her on holidays (mainly me for the last two years, but, whatever), and said that she is asking too much, that our lives are too full of constant demands, and that we look forward to, and enjoy shorter breaks, but that our life - or employer/s - sets limits on those times out. She has a fixed idea that any female should say "My mother needs to talk to me" and everything else can be neglected. I'm the eldest, I get most of these calls. This Xmas, I realised that my sisters don't enjoy this either. But when will it be her (my mother's) turn to talk to her GP instead of waking us up in the night to tell us that no one understands how lonely she is? Doesn't she think how our partners and friends & employers miss us when she demands that we stay longer? And not call? Too much?

Answer 1

She sounds lonely. I feel for her. Either try to make the trip or get someone to check in on her. You should accept the fact that she needs you guys and is hurting. If you think she's depressed it's partly your responsibility to get her help. Don't you want her to be healthy at the very least?

Answer 2

Invite her to stay with YOU for a week. Maybe then she'll get a clue.

Answer 3

i feeeel sooo sorry 4 ya! my mom&dad r getting divorced, and my mom wants me 2 move w/ her 2 Maryland. only, shes crazy, and my dad is still recovering from his 2nd stroke.

Answer 4

huh...i think you are missing some facts...doesn't make sense what you are saying....have a drink for me.

Answer 5

it is the problem of her marriage life

Answer 6

Maybe you will see when you get to be in her shoes.