getting over the past?

Question

my dad commited suicide when i was 5yrs old,,,,im 32 now and it still haunts me,,,,ive tryed councelling,,,,,,it just dont help.....its something in my life i just cant let go of.....i never asked to be bought into to this life with this grief....i just dont know what to do ,,,its killing me,,,,,i have to sons myself now,,,,that i see on weekends,,,,,,,i couldnt bear doing what my dad done to me to them.....life is so hard ,,,,,i dread every day i wake,,,,,,but i cant go the same way as my dad did,,,,,im so stuck....can any1 give me sum advice

Answer 1

You sound really depressed and anxious; I know the signs from my own experience.
First: stop fighting it and accept it, it's part of you and does not make you a bad person, you're still lovable. Yes, but it hurts...
Second: the pain comes from somewhere which you need to locate. Your father's suicide is a very wide area with several specific locations that you need to explore to deal with what is hurting you. A very brave task to undertake; you must try.
In that area, I have to ask: Have you forgiven your dad?
You see, I believe forgiveness is the key to many locks. Your love can overcome everything.
If it feels really impossible to face all this, then ask your doctor for some medication (I took something called Cipramil for a year and came off it easily last Spring; it calmed me down so I took take stock...).
It's a huge enterprise, but you don't have to do it all in one go. It will take time but you must have trust in yourself that you can achieve it. Do it for your children; they want a happy daddy.
Good luck, you can do it!

Answer 2

It's shocking how many people go through life with grief from their past. The death of a loved one never truly goes away, it haunts you everyday. I know this is easier said than done but try being optimistic. Surround yourself with people and things that make you happy. Growing up my dad always said "what are you gonna do when i'm not here anymore" or "I wanna kill myself...just put a bullet in my head" when I was younger I never took him seriously...but getting older I tried to improve our relationship (long story). My dad passed away jan 26th 2006. Lung cancer. In a way he did kill hiself by smoking for 50 years. Suicide is terrible...I never understood why some people do it, but I suppose that they feel alone and that there's no other choice or that things are so bad they'd rather die. But if anyone who did it could have a second chance i'm sure they'd take it....they'd realize all the hurt they caused their loved ones. Anyway....to get out of the depression I suggest finding things that you think your dad would be proud of you for doing. I'm sure he's very proud of you for coming this far in life. I don't know any of your personal history but i'm sure it holds great achievements. Having 2 sons and being a daddy and not just a father is the greatest of all! If you ever feel down you can contact me!

Answer 3

Wow...I'm sorry for your loss and sorry that you had to experience your childhood with the grief that comes with suicide. I know someone who just committed suicide before Christmas. The worst part, was he was staying with another friend of mine and she received the phone call at work. I don't think that people who commit suicide think about how they are hurting those left behind. They are so down and low that they can only think of escaping their own pain. Being a father yourself, try to concentrate on spending time with your children, giving them the father you didn't have. It's hard to always question "why" this may have happened and it is so time consuming. Counselling sounds like a good plan, but the best thing that you can do is figure out what else in life completes you and makes you feel happy - concentrate on those things only ;) I know it will be hard for you. Good luck!

Answer 4

Hate to say this but DUDE, wake up. There was nothing you could do to prevent that. Yes it made your childhood difficult BUT
you have allowed this to paint you with the victim brush. You need to work on establishing an identity that does not include this as your defining attribute. You have sons, perhaps you should redefine yourself as a father instead of a victim. Get some therapy before you waste the rest of your life letting something which happened before you can remember ruin what's left.

Answer 5

You are stuck, you can't change what has already happened. The more you try to, the more helpless and useless you will feel.

Try and see every day as a new day, look at the things that make you feel good and confident. Slowly you will be able to make small steps in a new and positive way.

I had sad beginnings, I thought that there was no way to escape. Then I realised I was locked in my own prison in my own body, in my own head.

I'm now enjoying MY life. I wish you all the peace and happiness you deserve.

Answer 6

Get a different counsellor- obviously the one you have is not getting through. Read the book "The Four Agreements". It sounds like some depression runs in your family. Take charge of your life- empower yourself to become what you want to become. Don't do what your father did to you to your children. He made a very selfish choice that had nothing to do with you. I know you miss him, but he was only meant to be here for a short amount of time. You, on the other hand, are meant to be here longer- to give your kids a good example. Show them happiness and they will learn how to be happy. Show them pain and sadness and they will grow up to be in your shoes. How we live our lives is our choice. Don't be a victim- take charge of your life and make it all you can. You can do it, especially if you have two little ones to do it for. Choose to be happy each day and choose the positive path when negative thoughts enter your mind. You can't control what happens in life, but you can control how you handle it. ;)

Answer 7

You sound depressed. Please see your doctor and tell the doctor what you just told us. Your Dad may have been depressed and instead of getting help, he decided to stop the pain in another way. Their are so many medications out now for depression. A little counseling wouldn't hurt either. You need to learn how to get your dead father off your mind. He did not kill himself because of you. So stop feeling guilty and don't let something that happened so long ago effect your entire life. You and your boys deserve a whole lot better.

Answer 8

Life is hard and what happened to you wasn't fair, but that doesn't mean that life isn't worth living. You have two boys who need you, whether its only on the weekends or not. Think of the joy your sons bring into your life and of all the things that you'll want to be a part of as they grow. That probably doesn't help that much, but if you go to postsecret.com. That site offers me therapy when i'm feeling down and helps me know that im not the only one feeling like i do. Maybe it'll help you.

Answer 9

You are obvisiously depressed and should seek medical help. They may prescribe medication for a short while and while councelling doesn't allways work it is sometimes useful to have a sounding board. As when thoughts are turning around in your mind you don't notice their flaws, speak them out loud and hear your voice and perhaps you have a chance of finding the flaws in your own arguments. So please go back to the doctor and give councelling another chance. And good luck!

Answer 10

Dont be so hard on yourself, go to a spiritulist church hopefully you will be picked out, im sure you will get all the answers why he did it etc. then you will find the strength you need to face lifes problems. enjoy your life with the two beautiful sons you have bought into the world. im sure your dad is proud of you.
Good luck for your future