Do breast feeding moms realize that there are more reasons for NOT breastfeeding then pure selfishness....?

Question

I personally do not produce milk. I breastfed for 2 weeks with my first and couldn;t understand why she was constantly at my breast and losing weight, until my lactation consultant figured out I just don;t make the stuff.

Some women are unable to do so because of past sexual abuse that makes it very hard for them to do anything of the sort.

That is why there is formula, a second best for sure...but if it was completely unhealthy then I imagine it wouldn;t be on the market...there are certain guidelines it must meet.

I just feel as though women need to try and understand each other before shoving opinions down everyones throat. My best friend has the market cornered on guilt...she went out a bought me a high end breast pump after we found out breastfeeding was not in the stars for me. I spent the entire time feeding my daughter her first bottle in tears because I felt like such a failure.

Lets try to be a little more compassionate maybe?

this actually isn;t even about me...my first is now 9 and I am over the fact that i can;t breastfeed, but I see so many people being slammed because of it and it really bothers me...

I should have said SOME breastfeeding moms, as not all of them do it for sure.

i am not worried about what people think of me.....i am worried about the compassion this society we call our own seems to lack.

Answer 1

AMEN! I tried for 4 months to breastfeed before I went soley to formula (I had to supplement from day 3 on because my daughter was not getting enough, and was losing too much weight) I felt the pressure form society and the media that I was a bad mother for not nursing. My sister just had her baby she also could not produce milk even with the help of a hired lactation consultant and a prescription to help her milk come in. Though not proven, be have think genetics may have something to to with it.
I have all respect in the world from moms who nurse. And most of my friends who nursed have not made me feel bad at all, yet I felt like a failure for a long time because of ads, and prenatal classes that ensured us that EVERY woman can and should breast feed if they love their child. (which I now know is not true)
I agree. Breast-feeders and Formula feeders both love their children equally so lets all get along.

Answer 2

Im 40wks and 2 days pregnant with my first child and plan to breastfeed. But by no means do i judge or criticise mothers for choosing a formula over breastmilk.

I, myself was sexually abused as a child. I can produce, but there are so many psychological and physical reasons why a woman cannot or should not breastfeed.

These days the pressure put on women to breastfeed their babies is horrifying. Even for mother's like you that cannot produce. I was even personally told by my lactation consultant a couple of weeks ago that feeding a child formula is like feeding them "McDonalds" and that breastfeeding should be my first and only choice. You wanna know what i did? I flipped the woman the finger!

The reason i did this is very simple. There are many women out there who have no problem breastfeeding. But for some it is extremely difficult. Some babies wont latch on, sometimes there is no milk flow, you can have mastitis or maybe baby has a medical condition that cant or wont constitute them going to the breast. As well as that some women cannot cope with the stresses and it isnt unusual for some milk supplies to just dry up days after it starts.

I plan to give it a shot - for the sake of my baby. But if by all means i cant cope i will be going to bottle formula. Its not just about the wellbeing of the baby. But the Mother supplying the milk as well.

Answer 3

I agree with you. I tried to breastfeed the minute they handed me my daughter to do so. I spent three days in the hospital crying because she just would not latch on. It hurt so bad my nipples were cracked and bleeding and my baby would not stop crying. By the end of our hospital stay the nurses had turned down right mean because I was struggling. And because I was in the hospital over the weekend, there was no lactation consultant to try and help me. Just the nurses, every ten minutes coming to hound me. When I got home with my baby I felt like a complete failure, and she still would not stop crying. So I gave her a bottle of formula. She immediately seemed like a different baby.
Now I get "why don't you breastfeed?" at least 3 times a week and I am tired of it. It just doesn't work for some of us and it's not because we are selfish. My daughter is 3 months old now and bigger than most 4 month olds. Obviously shes healthy

Answer 4

Yes,breast feeding mothers realize there are reasons a mother chooses not to do so. I breast feed both of my boys and went through some very trying and difficult times to do so. This was my choice and with my strong belief I was doing the right thing for my children did so. At the same time I had many friends that bottle feed their children. Now they(our babies) are all 30+ and healthy,with families of their own. What you need to realize in your heart, is to be the best mother you know how to be and do the best for your child. As long as you are holding your child, loving your child and answering all their needs, as mothers do, how you feed your child is a very personal decision. No one can make that choice for you nor do they have the right. Please don't feel quilty because breast feeding is not the right thing for you. If you are not comfortable about doing so, and still continue your child will pick up on your feelings, which makes for a very irritable baby, can slow the production of milk as well as the let down process. Your baby gets frustrated because the milk doesn't flow as fast as they need and you feel like your not producing what your baby need. It is a vicious circle. Just hold, love, comfort, and most of all enjoy your baby. You can have the same interaction with your child bottle feeding, but please don't bottle prop. Your child needs the same intimacy as a breast feed baby and this can be achieved by holding your baby while feeding,singing ,stroking, talking and sharing this feeding time. This is how children learn to trust and know that you will be there to take care of them. This time is so short and precious for both of you, as they grow up all to fast. You most of all, are not a failure, just the pain I felt as reading your question shows that you are doing what you feel is best for you and your baby. Trust me one day you will look back and say to yourself I should of shut my ears to negative opinions, after all they belong to someone else and stop putting yourself down. Wishing you the best for you and your baby. God Bless You and Keep you both safe.

Answer 5

I understand that and i am sorry that it didn't work out for you. I breastfed my son for six in a half months and then was put in the hospital and had to stop, then he went on formula. I still got to feed him but it was not the same, i liked the feeling of having him close, but i understand that it can't always be the way we want it. I hope that people will let up on you, you are doing what is best for your daughter, i have been there. Best of luck

Answer 6

I agree with you 100%....I am due any day now and hope to breastfeed, as I'm sure a lot of people do. I plan to give it my all, but I would hope that people would be considerate if it didn't work out for me. I think it's one thing if you refuse to try it, knowing what we know today about the benefits of it. However, you are totally right....sometimes for one reason or another it doesn't work out. I was formula fed and turned out fine...my mom was a fantastic mother. It doesn't in any way reflect on the parent you are or the woman you are and, sadly, some people are too narrowminded to see that.

Answer 7

Well, it's no reason to hate or dislike or look down on another woman. ESPECIALLY if they can't help it. But, you have to realize that most women aren't like you. There are so many woman who don't really care... who just do it because it's easier for them. No, formula will not hurt a child. I was fed with formula and I'm healthy and smart and athletic... I always have been. So, don't worry about your baby and certainly don't feel bad. As long as you love you child... they'll be at their best.

Answer 8

I understand were you are coming from it is your own choice. Although sometimes I felt like people made fun of me for nursing my son. Even my family! So I guess no matter what you do there will always be some one who has to say something. At least the baby is eating, right?! Good luck!

Answer 9

There is NO reason to feel bad about bottle feeding!! I have 5 kids and bottle feed them all I take a medication that would be passed to my kids through my milk (VERY DANGEROUS)...So should I feel bad or do what is best my kids...You do what is best for you and them your the mother don't let ANYONE make you feel bad ...

Answer 10

Some people tend to put others down to make themselves feel better. It's sad but true. Just know that you are being the best mother you know how to be.

Isn't being a good mother the most important thing anyway?