I"ve been friends with a particular person for over 20 years. During the last few years, she has become very negative and somewhat jealous of others. An example being, I recently moved into a new apt. & was proud of my decorating. She looked around and said "it's awfully bright in here". If I've done some photo work, she'll look very closely & pick out something very minor to bring to my attention. A few days ago, I mentioned going to my cousin's for a holiday. Her face dropped like a stone & she said "oh, that", then proceeded to remind me of a problem from last year. 3 yrs. ago she opted to take a course benefitting her employment & cancelled our vacation plans. I went on vacation with another friend. When she learned of this, she became very distant toward me and accused me of going off with another friend so fast. I'm at the point where I don't want to share things with her. Talking to her won't do any good. She becomes very defensive. What should I do?
2006-12-28 10:31:01 · 7 answers · asked by tweetysvester2007 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You have been friends with this person for 20yrs and you have NO idea why she might be acting this way lately? C'mon, there's gotta be SOME reason. She's probably wondering WHY her friend of 20 years doesn't know by now, and has to ask her! No wonder she gets defensive. And you right away give up asking, right? A true friend would KEEP asking in a concerned way til she gets an answer. Sit her down and ask her what's up w/ her and don't take her "barking" at you for an answer.
2006-12-28 10:43:34 · answer #1 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look, you don't owe this girl crap! You have been a friend to her for 20yrs and by that you think she would have trust and unconditional love for you and want to see you feel good and do good.Not pick you apart so she can feel better about herself!
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
If I was you I would finally blow a screw and get right in her face the next time she degrades you or anyone you love. Tell her that you have had enough and tell her if she even cares at all about you and your friendship she will go get some counseling for low self esteem and jealousy cause other wise your friendship is done!
If she gets mad and never talks to you again, its her loss, not yours and your better off with out her in your life.
Life can be hard enough to get through without someone always grabbing at your feet trying to hold you down!.
Good luck!
2006-12-28 10:40:16 · answer #2 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you said this is a friend? Sounds more like a lover! Maybe you just need to come right out and have a face to face with her. Let her know she is negative and controlling and this is something that has taken over through the past few years and is now affecting your guys relationship. If you can not make any head way with this person, you may want to spend less time with them and expand out.
2006-12-28 10:43:56 · answer #3 · answered by shaman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You either stoptalking to her completely or If you want to remain friends with her, alot of times the best thing you can do with these people is compliment them on their opinion. It usually trips them up. they almost don't know how to react its funny.
I mean you guys have been friends for a plenty of time and I assume you see each other oftenso this will definately work. Simply start giving her compliments, and you will see her criticisms turn to compliments. The key is to just realize she is being small and just skim over it, pay it no mind, and in fact return her nagativity with positivity.
"Good eye, you should do interior decorating"
"Good eye, should teach a class on Photography"
Sometimes it will be real hard to not get smart alec with her, but try to just brush it off and return her negativity with positivity....She just nit picks everything because she feel very small inside, and pointing out others down falls makes her feel bigger inside.
2006-12-28 11:10:04 · answer #4 · answered by Akshun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Putting myself in your place, I would begin dreading to be around her and I might in a warm as possible way tell her that we need to put more space between us and if she wants to know why,spare her nothing, tell her.~~~~This kind of friendship is not good for you. No adult wants to be controlled, criticized or manipulated and you don't need her knit picking and put downs, and guilt trips.
You want a friend that you get excited about seeing, being with and doing things with together. You care for each other unconditionally. You compliment each other. You click and after your time together is over, you feel so good because ~~~
YOU HAVE BEEN WITH A FRIEND. Happy New Year !!!
2006-12-28 11:03:41 · answer #5 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your gut, if you don't want to share things with her don't. If she doesn't like being cut out of your life and questions you on it tell her the truth "I would have talked to you about this but you become defensive" Otherwise move on, she may just need something like that to wake her up about how she treats you.
2006-12-28 10:35:39 · answer #6 · answered by hthr_1974 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this seems 'out of character' to the way she once was then maybe your friend is suffering from depression and you can try to get her to get help...otherwise this is a toxic relationship for you and you may have to distance yourself from her. We all have enough negativity in our lives and you deserve to have a true friend who doesn't try to make you feel badly.
2006-12-28 10:38:00 · answer #7 · answered by sw-in-gardener 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋