relationship problems, help?

Question

me and my boyfriend of three years have been experiencing problems lately. he never wants to talk and all i want to do is talk so we clash. were usually very happy but weve been arguing alot. hes been treating me quite bad, he is nasty now and is also very moody with me. he acts like he is not interested in me and like he doesnt care about the relationship anymore. he never wants to talk about the problems we have. we have split up twice and quite soon after i have got in touch to try and work it out. ages ago i would never do that, he would always do the running but i feel so insecure i cant help myself. im in university and have alot going for me but the relationship is getting me down so it is all i can think about because of what we used to have. i love him and he used to have so much love for me, although im very angry and dont see him as the same person for what hes done.how do you think i should go about this, i want him to realise what he has done and for him to treat me better

Answer 1

There is a saying, "If you love something, let it go. If it doesnt come back, it was never yours to begin with." It sounds like your relationship needs a test. Back off of him for a while, and see if he comes running to you. If he doesnt, it means he's not interested anymore. I know that is awful. You love this man more than ever, and thinking that he doesnt feel the same hurts you. But, to stay with someone who doesnt respect you for the wonderful person you are is only going to get you hurt more in the end. You deserve someone who loves you and respects you. If your current boyfriend cant see the great person that you are, then you dont need him in your life. You have so much going on already with school and starting your life, and there are so many good guys out there that will treat you like a princess. Why stay with someone who obviously doesnt know what he has?? Good luck sweetie!! Stay strong!!

Answer 2

Dear Louise,your time at uni is more important than some bloke who is clearly losing interest.The only reason i'm commenting,is because my daughter went through the same thing.Her boyfriend finaly got round to finish the relationship a week before the 3 most important exams of her life.Broke her heart and she failed all 3.Love is a very strong emotion,and we dont always think as clearly as we should.Time to make some important decisions,this thing is distracting you from your studies and will drag you down.If this guy is meant for you, he'll still be there when you finish university.You dont say if he's studying, it might be that your bettering yourself is a problem for him.Whatever you decide I wish you the best for the future...

Answer 3

It doesn't sound to me like he is being very responsive to the relationship. If I didn't know better, I would say that he has given up on the relationship, and is behaving badly in the hope that you will dump him! He probably hasn't got the courage to do it himself, and doesn't want to look bad, so is laying the final decision at your door.

If he behaves so badly to you, how long are you going to put up with it before you dump him??

Your insecurities probably aren't helping you. Because you are feeling so low, he is treating you badly and getting away with it because you need him so much.

My advice to you would be, get rid of him! You will probably discover that he is the source of your insecurities, and you will be a much stronger, independant person once he has gone.

I know it is a scary thought, but believe me once you have done it you will feel much better.

The saying "it is better the devil you know ......" is rubbish. Don't let him drag you down, taking your confidence with him.

Stand tall, stay strong and make 2007 your year. Concentrate on your studies and let what will be, be!

Good Luck.

Answer 4

Although it may seem at the moment there is no light at the end of the tunnel but believe me there is. My advice would be to treat him with the contempt he deserves and make it quite plan to him that you are not prepared to put up with his behaviour any more and walk out of the relationship and get on with your life. The most abused words in the English dictionary is I love you. And for him to treat you like he does is not love its dictatorship in other words he's trying to role you and you deserve better then that. We prove our love for someone by the little things we do for them not by ruling them.

Answer 5

You should read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
Men and women have different ways of dealing with things, and this is the cause of the clashes you are describing. He sounds like a typical man who just wants to hide in his cave. If you head the book, you'll understand him better, and it will teach you how to talk to him so that he understands you.
There is usually a copy available at your local libary.

Answer 6

You may need to just lay it on the line and see if maybe you two have just become different people. It happens although it is not fun. I have had this problem before and the best thing was to find out what is wrong and decide if both of you want to fix it.

Answer 7

thats tough...but if he never wants to talk, then it's not going to work. healthy relationships involve compromise and discussing. which means, talking, talking, talking. about anything. the worst is avoiding the argument because nothing gets solved. ask yourself these questions. has he tried to resolve problems everytime you argued before? what do you argue about? why would he run away from the problem? why did you break up before? maybe he just needs some time to think.

Answer 8

You need to tell him what he's putting you through and that he needs to get his act together or it isn't gonna work. If he really loves you, he will try to make it better, not worse. You need to start worrying about more important things instead of all him bs. I suggest you move on because it really doesn't seem like he cares anymore. I hope everything works out!!

Answer 9

All I can say is...just try to relax, take a step back! You've got a lot going on right now and worrying about him won't make it easier on you to focus on your future. School should be your number 1 priority right now.....not some guy that doesn't know how he feels about you anymore. I know it's hard but focus on yourself right now.... Sometimes guys are so used to women chasing them that they get used it and expect you to do it all the time. Once he feel you pull away, he may realize he may be losing you....if he doesn't care then he doesn't deserve you!

Answer 10

He has to realize this himself, There is really nothing you can do! If he doesn't want to talk! Then you maybe you should move on. Remember the saying, " If you love something, let it go. If it was ment to be it will come back" People change, Don't live in the past, look forward.