My boyfriend cheated on me a week after I almost died in his arms. He went out-of-state on a trip and he was extremely intoxicated at the time. It means a lot to me that told me the truth. He feels horrible about it and I believe him. I love him and I want to be able to trust him again, but I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would be very much appretiated.
2006-12-28 10:25:23 · 10 answers · asked by Elizabeth M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He did promise me that he wouldn't touch anything (alcohol, etc.) without me there ever again. He (and my best friend) literally did save my life last week though, and I'm having trouble figuring out how that affects my decsion about anything.
2006-12-28 11:00:24 · update #1
Hi Elizabeth
First of all, let me say that I am very sorry that you have to go through this after a traumatic experience. I do hope you are doing well now.
If he was out of state, and he came to you and told you, that has to tell me a few things. #1. He has a conscience. He was out of state, and really you would have never known had he not have told you. All relationships are different and yours with your man is no exception. There was no reason for him to tell you that unless his objective was to hurt you, and since he profusely apologized and came to you with the information, I don't see him wanting to deliberately hurt you. I think he knew he would hurt you, but I also think he told you because eventually his own conscience would eat him alive. I agree with Tameka, above. He needs to stop drinking. Drinking is no excuse, but people DO make mistakes. After all, we are human. If you love him, and you believe him, thats all that matters. I wouldn't give him a third chance though. There is an old saying that goes~ if you fool me once, shame on you. if you fool me twice, shame on me.~ Follow your heart, and listen to it. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-12-28 11:06:06 · answer #1 · answered by candyyy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that cheaters deserve a second chance. I was in the same situation a few weeks ago and decided not to take her back. I was with her for almos 6 years. You have to realize that you deserve better than that. I know what you are going through and a first it seems like the best thing to do is to forgive them. But trust me it won't work. You shouldn't even decide what to do with him right away. give your self some time to heal. It takes a while before you can even think straight. You do not want to make a decision untill you are thinking clearly and all the emotions are under control. Give your self a month and then you can analize things a little better. After a month I saw things in a completley different light. Even now I still think that I need even more time before I make any decisions having to do with my ex. It just takes time.
2006-12-28 10:31:16 · answer #2 · answered by JV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in this boat like millions of others. Some people can and some people can't. To further confuse all who read this, sometimes those who forgave once don't forgive again and vice versa. It depends on the specific situation and there are no guarantees. Bottom line is if you can't get over being cheated on, you should move on and cut off all lines of communication. No "friends", no contact at all.
2016-03-28 22:49:15 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time it is once a cheater always a cheater. He probably told you so he could use it to guilt you into going back to him. Intoxication is NOT an excuse to cheat on someone. You wouldn't normally do something when your drunk that you really wouldn't want to do when you are sober. It is your choice to find the strength to do what is right for you. Only you can know if you will be able to give yourself to him fully again.
2006-12-28 10:29:36 · answer #4 · answered by vancie121 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you believe you will not be able to stop thinking about it and forgive him, dump him immediately and don't think twice about it. Find you somebody else later on when you feel the need. If you are really forgiving and you can get over it, ponder the details of your relationship for a few days before you do anything else. Stay away from him and think it out before you talk about it further. Once you say something hurtful to someone you cannot take it back no matter how much you want to.
2006-12-28 10:31:02 · answer #5 · answered by christinedaae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheaters aren't worth second chances because they will do it again.
Intoxication is not an excuse. This incident, if you let it, will eat at your relationship and your self worth. You will find yourself questioning his every move and "will he cheat on me again?" will become the focus of your relationship.
A real man doesn't cheat. If he loved you, he wouldn't have betrayed you.
Yes, people make mistakes. But some mistakes are meant to be forgiven.
2006-12-28 11:03:57 · answer #6 · answered by Chica Creole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I would say to you in this situation is.... it truly depends on you. We as women can put up with a lot of things. So basically what I would advise you is to measure your situation with your boyfriend. Does he make you happy and how many times have him disappointed you. How many times have you forgave him, for the disappointment? How much can you take... There are a lot of women that been down this road before and will go down the road again. So you are going to do what you want to do. If you decide to believe him its okay because its your choice.
The one I would say that we choose who we fall in and out of love with. When you met your boyfriend you decided to talk to him, make time for him, call him. You decided that go on the date. etc. You began to enjoy you time with him. All of that came from your decision. The effect works vice versa it all begins with a choice. And that is the only thing that you have are your choices
Whether or not if he cheats again, unfortunately that his choice. We as women have to realize that we cant make anyone love us, only we can do is show love. Its hurts sometimes, but asked yourself is that the choice are you willing to make.
2006-12-28 10:54:37 · answer #7 · answered by Tameka A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him. Don't give him the chance to hurt you again! Because he WILL do it again!!!! Do you honestly believe that you could take this heartache again? Trust me. Don't let him turn you into a bitter, cynical woman. There are millions of men out there who would love to prove to you that not all men are jerks being controlled by their "man-parts". Drunkenness is the lamest excuse in the book. When you get arrested for drunk driving do the courts let you off because "he was intoxicated"? No, they throw the book at them because Duh! you shouldn't have been drunk enough to do something sooooo stupid. He's a stupid man. Don't be a stupid woman. Don't follow your heart. Your heart hurts. Follow your brain and take care of yourself.
2006-12-28 10:45:04 · answer #8 · answered by neiner 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said your boyfriend was intoxicated when he cheated wright?Well,If you love him enough let him Know he has to quite drinking.It would let you know how much he cares for the both of you.That way you both don't have to worrier about been drunk any longer.Try and go to AAclasses with him.Then you might onpen your eyes more often.
2006-12-28 10:35:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you really love him you should give him another chance... and you said that he was intoxicated...so maybe he didnt cheat on you on purpose.....but i dont know...its all up to you
2006-12-28 10:32:19 · answer #10 · answered by jenny_b2007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋