i feel inadequate?

Question

i am 4 months pregnant and feel horrendous both physically and emotionally. I have a 10 month year old little boy who is quite difficult at the moment (mainly with me) and we live with my boyfriend and his mum and dad. although they are always willing to take him off my hands i feel that this is more for their benefit than anyone elses...he is their first grandchild and they spoil him. In my opinion they do not really like me although they have never been horrible to me, its just a feeling i have. sometimes when i get up in the morning and am really sick and my boyfriend is working, his mum will be like 'oh i'll take him, go back to bed' and i do...and i resent myself for going back to bed and leaving him with her...i feeli like a rubbish mother who cant cope and when i get up it's like my little boy sometimes isn't interested. when daddy comes in he laughs and crawls over to him but sometimes he turns away from me....and yet i am at home all the time. I feel so inadequate

Answer 1

you're pregnant! give yourself a break! you have plenty of time to spend with both of your children. Also, don't forget your hormones might be making you more sensitive and you can be over thinking it. Take care of yourself and you'll have more energy soon.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel. I am 5 and a half month pregnant and i also have a beautiful 2 and a half year old who has all of a sudden become really difficult with me when we are alone. When she is naughty or cheeky i have tried putting her on the naughty step, ignoring her, challenging her, smacking her and putting her in her room but nothing works she just seems to know how to push me. Whereas if she is naughty when daddy is there all he has to do is raise his voice and she listens, she seems to respect him far more than she does me! I feel like such a failure and end up in tears occassionally which does not do my stress levels much good! My husband reassures me that we all have times like this so i am hoping it will pass. She can be having a lovely day with nanna and then i turn up and she cries or says 'go away mammy' which hurts but at the end of the day i'm sure she does not mean anything by it. I hate the feeling of giving in and whenever someone else tries to manage the situation they seem to be able to do it straight away! Don't feel guilty for allowing other people to make your life a little easier when you are pregnant, it will help you, your unborn child, your son and his grand parents. As long as you keep control but remember to give yourself a rest!
Take it easy and relax, things will get easier....
xxx

Answer 3

You are being way to hard on yourself. What you're feeling is pretty normal. You are not only pregnant but you have another baby to take care of. Trust me I have been there. I had a 21 month old toddler and had twins. There were days I thought I would go insane. My husband was good with the children when he was home, but with his job, he worked many evenings and weekends. Therefore most of the childcare was my responsibility. You are lucky to have your in-laws to help you. My family lived far enough away that I didn't get that support. You will live through this period in your life. Those two little ones are a blessing and you will see that. My children are grown and they and my grandchildren are the biggest blessing in my life. My daughter just had a baby boy 2 months ago, and I try to help her as much as I can. Just like your mother-in-law, it is not a job for me, I love taking care of him. Don't ever be afraid of asking for help. Good luck with your new little one. God Bless!

Answer 4

Hey I was the only one taking care of my son during the beginning of my pregnancy (until daddy came home) and all I felt like doing was laying on the couch, I felt like a horrible mother, but do you what he didn't care as long as I was in the same room he was glad. And now days I don't feel the best he likes to just lay down with me. Be glad you have someone right there to take care of him so you can get the extra rest you need.

Answer 5

ya know something funny? not 2 days ago I talked to my mom about the same thing. My situation is different then your other than the fact we are both preggo .Silly huh we are making a baby 24/7 and we feel inadeguate.Just be thankful for your moment you are in . your onmy pregnant a few times is life.
As for feeling that your inlaws dont like you maybe you and him can haved a little talk , woman to woman I am sure she doesnt feel that way and it will clear things upIf you can get out and get somefresh air
good luck

Answer 6

Who you do have a lot to worry about, but I don't think you are an inadequate mother. You are pregnant and very tired and thats ok. I'm not trying to judge you, but you may find living on your own much better. I know personally that times are really tuff and that isn't always possible. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

there is nothing you are doing that should make you feel inadequate, Lisa Marie. your hormones are out of control, you feel terrible and you've a 10 month old to be concerned with. That is a lot on anyone's plate so please don't be so tough on yourself. How fortunate you have help with the baby while you rest and start to feel better, which you will! Now is the time for you to be good to yourself. it isn't that your little boy doesn't want to be with you, he senses that you're not up to snuff.

Answer 8

OK, it's time to talk to a professional about all this. I am reluctant to recommend "go to a doctor" in such unqualified terms, but you need to start somewhere to cope with this depression of yours.

Make no mistake; the clinical description is bound to be depression, in one form or another. No one should have to feel that low that consistently without someone to help.

Normally I would recommend an herbal supplement, but in this case, with you being pregnant, you need to deal with the professionals about this. You have a right to decide who you will or will not consult, but you need to start somewhere, and start now. If you can't make the decision, beg your partner or his family to make the choice for you. If they have a family doctor they trust, they will undoubtedly want you to go to him about your pregnancy anyway, so talk to him.

It's not uncommon for a pregnant woman to experience depression until her body and her mind both get adjusted to the pregnancy and its processes. And there's certainly no disgrace to asking for help to cope when you have one little baby now, and a very strained living condition.

Please, talk to someone who can help you. No reason to cope with this alone. And I will put this one forward: you might seriously consider asking your boyfriend's mom for her help, to break the barrier which seems to have developed between you and her. Ask whether she will take you to the doctor's, and stay with you while you see him, and help you decide what to do. I think her maternal instincts will make her compassionate and eager to help you.

Answer 9

Your hormones are allover the place and ev'thing seems 100 times worse than it really is. Babies at ten months old can't decide to be 'off' with you and switch off their love, you'll be seeing things that aren't really there. Let mum-in-law take him, you need the rest, then once your on feet make time for him, have tickle time and play time, take him for a walk, to the shops, to the park anywhere and keep talking to him...he's going through a phase and it will pass. xx

Answer 10

This are typical mommy blues. Try scheduling time with just you and your baby and making him part of the new baby being born. When your boy friends parents ask to take them, tell them no every now and then. I understand that you are tired and need your rest but soon you will have two to keep up with and you will have to be able to juggle things. So my advice in a nutshell, spend more quality time with your child and learn to juggle life.

Answer 11

Dont fell like this. A mother cant be inadequate since she is unique. All these are explained in terms of child psychology and the situation will change in afew years or even sooner. Cheer up and marry Xmas. ===I think you are great mother since you care about these things===