We are talking about a marriage here. If the happiness never came would you fulfill the duty until the kids are out? Say there is no way there would be 'True Love' and you are fulfilling all of the duties out of obligation. Would you choose to leave and possibly find happiness one day, or stay and fulfil a duty to be a good wife. Keeping your place and dealing with it so as to not rock the boat?
Biblical answers are welcome too.
2006-12-28 10:01:01 · 20 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've actually asked him to go to counseling for this reason, but he refuses to go and basically tells me that "I'm making this up.???
2006-12-28 10:12:11 · update #1
PEACE, dear, my glasses are definately not Rose Colored. thx.
2006-12-28 10:13:40 · update #2
Fulfill your duty til death do us part. Yeah, you left that one out now didnt you? Look, since the moral part really doesnt matter, why worry about the time frame. Be the typical person of the day, get out now and beleive it is all about your being happy, over all else.
Come on, you know what the Bible says. If you dont, it is simply because you dont want to know and you dont look to see what it says. It says, you are to marry and stay married for life. The only thing God saw as remotely justifiable reason to divorce, was being cheated upon and you being innocent of cheating. I might also add, that if you basically make your mate seek attentions because you cut him off, you have to shoulder half the blame if he does cheat. God also addressed that.
http://www.lookup.org/divorce/Divorce.html
2006-12-28 10:15:46 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Happiness, like love, is a state of mind having to do heavily with attitude. Communication can open the doors to all kinds of wonderful feelings. Get into counselling!! A good counsellor can make people see things that you as the couple can not see. We choose to love, and our definition of love is based on what we have learned in life and the expectations we have surrounding the word "love". Examine your definition of love and happiness and see if you can't expand the view. There had to be happiness and love at some point in the relationship and it can be brought back to the surface- it's all about communicating. A great book for you: "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Each day, we as individuals choose the way we feel- you can see the skies and blue and sun-shining, or blue and cold- it's our choice. Remember that when you're looking at your relationship- which glasses are you going to put on?
2006-12-28 10:08:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. You need to decide what it is you want to teach your children about love and relationships. They are counting on you to be a role model for them about what they expect from other men, what they should work for, and when they should back down and compromise. What will you be telling your children if you leave? What will you be telling them if you stay? Answer those two questions to yourself honestly and I think you will find out how you really feel. Sometimes there is more there, and you have become too comfortable in your relationship to see it anymore, and sometimes there isn't. You have to be the one to see the difference. You have to look very hard at what you have in front of you and decide. Marriage isn't always about love. Some times are harder than others, and love is only what you make of it. Something brought you together, if you still want that, you can get it back. It takes first admitting you've lost it (both of you) and then work to find out why and how to get it back. I left my husband when my baby was just a year old for reasons that sound something like what you are asking about(but details are unknown), I had my pen on the divorce papers when I remembered the man I had fallen in love with in the first place, and I really wanted that back, more than I wanted to be alone. I managed to fix it, but it was a long hard road. If you want to fix it, you will. I would do it all over again for what I have now, but I had to take myself to the very edge to realize what was real. It's not about rocking the boat, it's about being honest with yourself, your husband and your children, you owe yourself and them that much.
2006-12-28 10:13:22 · answer #3 · answered by Irish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. There are levels of unhappiness. You need to see if it is you or him? Marriage is all about the effort and the small things. You can find true love in the service one for another. Never saw a couple arguing when one of them was serving the other.
Duty is a bad way of saying you are a slave. Maybe pawn off a few duties to him. Talk to him and see where he is at. Maybe he is waiting for you to engage.
2006-12-28 10:05:35 · answer #4 · answered by Thor H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would stay and try to make the marriage work, get counseling or whatever it took if it were possible to work things out between the two of you. The only way I would leave the marriage would be if I was being abused (or the kids were) . I do believe that marriage is a life commitment and I feel guilty wanting to get out of mine. Good luck to you and I hope you can work things out.
2006-12-28 10:05:12 · answer #5 · answered by not given 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only duty I have to fulfill is when I'm on company time. Not only would I rock the boat, I'd tip it over. My happiness is just as important to me as other people's happiness is to them. I don't stay where I don't want to be.
2006-12-28 10:06:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a number of biblical answers, but I think the practical is the best.
I left my husband of ten years. The marriage was not good. We had two children, and they were 7 and 8 when I left. I thought they were young enough to be okay if I met someone and remarried. Fact...my children never recovered. I broke their faith in me, and while they were a consideration when I decided to leave, perhaps they weren't as heavy on my mind as my own happiness was.
They're grown now and my son solved his dilemma by adopting his father and practically forcing him to live with him and his wife.
My daughter is now on her second marriage. I taught her that relationships were NOT forever things and she has never been as stable as she might have been had I stayed with her father until she was grown. It took years for us to have a good relationship.
Our children model our behaviours. However you conduct your marriage and relationships, is how they will conduct theirs. There will come a day when you realize that your children are everything to you and if you fail them, you will never feel successful at anything else.
2006-12-28 10:12:28 · answer #7 · answered by nkorb1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very tough question! Depends on the ages of any kids in the household. If you are truly unhappy, take the kids and leave. Staying out of "duty" is noble, but hurtful to you. I can seriously relate to this question, by the way!
If you have email, I'd love to hear more about this from you.
2006-12-28 10:06:45 · answer #8 · answered by 60s Chick 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go for the happiness. Duty always puts people on edge. Why fake it? Life is way too short for a person to just settle,kids or no kids.
2006-12-28 10:06:49 · answer #9 · answered by mil414 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is not a "duty" to stay in a marriage if you are unhappy. Staying will not help the kids--it might even make things worse.
2006-12-28 10:12:26 · answer #10 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋