Should I expect my mother-in-law and I to get along now that I am pregnant?

Question

I married my husband 2 years ago, we have been together for 5 very happy years. His mother disliked me from day 1 because I "stole her son" away from her.

He is her only child and she hasn't had a boyfriend in years. Luckily, since we married she has "tried to embrace" me and is no longer mean to me.

I am pregnant with our first child and when she found out she kept crying from actual happiness! She said she was so happy that she was going to be a grandma and knew I would be a wonderful mother.

Do you think we will finally have something to bond over? I am not expecting us to be best friends, but it would be nice for us to maybe shop for the baby together or finally have something in common. We have very different personalities so we don't hang out.

Answer 1

It sounds like you've finally got some common ground with her, and now that you're carrying her progeny, that tends to melt the hearts of even the coldest of MILs.

Answer 2

This honestly could go either way. My Mother in Law doesn't speak to me. My husband and I have been together for 11 yrs and married for 9 of those. To this day she still will not speak to me. My husband is an only child also. She will call here and only speak to him and never ask about me or our kids. I hope she does make a change for you and she is sincere in her happiness. But, I do have to agree with some other comments, if she didnt like you from the start, don't be surprised is she is constatly telling you how to raise your child. I wish you the best of luck, just dont let your guard down.

Answer 3

I have to be honest, the baby may not help...it could make it worse. You should try to ressolve it now before the baby is born.Try asking her to go shopping with you for the baby. You will have to initiate it. I was in the same situation. My husband is an only child, and Im black he is white. My mother in law HATED me. When my daughter was born, she still hated me. She would babysit, all the time. I thought she was trying to be a good grandma, which she was a good grandma, but she was trying to make my daughter love her more than me. I know this b/c she would say things in front of me like, WHO YOU LOVE THE MOST? We argued over my child all the time. In the end, it only hurted my daughter. My daughter is now 10 and my mother in law has died of cancer, and she would not tell me she loved me on her dying bed. I wish I had not been stubborn and just tried harder to befriend her, and maybe our lives would have been different before she died, because now my daughter and I both miss her deary! So again, i will advise you to try harder to have better relationship. Nothing is your fault, but you will have to initiate the contact. On the other hand, the baby could help you relationship with her, but i would do it now, this way, you can have a happy delivery and you both can share this experience as friends!! Good Luck

Answer 4

I have been with my husband for 25 years .. 20 years married M y mother in law and I have really never gotten along...SHe cried when she found out I was pregnant with our first child shee too was very happy.. I thought just as you have this will change our relationship.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my children are now 18 years and 16 years old. rest assured anyhting that happens to the child will be your fault... Myhusband and I made a choice many years ago to do our best in raising our children

Answer 5

It sounds like she's been trying to get along with you before, so I would think that things should continue being at least as good as they have been. Often, being a grandparent can bring out the best in even the crabbiest personalities, so I would just see how things go. As long as she's not trying to push you out of the way, after baby is born, trying to replace you as mommy, then it would be good to have her take part in your life. Notice, I said "PART". She needs to know her place, so your hubby needs to keep her in that place too. I've seen grandma's totally push daughter-in-law's out of the picture, taking over every aspect of raising your baby. So, you both need to talk about what "PART" she can or cannot play in your lives. If she's going to be coming over every day, spending hours at a time at your house, your hubby will have to let her know that it's too much and will have to limit her time with baby. You and he and baby will need to be a family first, so she needs to recogize that and give you guys the space you'll need to bond as a family. I've got a LOT of experience in this area, as I had a VERY nasty MIL who hated me from day one. Having grandkids didn't really soften her...not until she knew she was dying of cancer, then at least gave some effort to get along. I hope, for your sake, and the sake of your family, that your MIL will abide by your wishes and make for a very pleasant transition into parenthood. If she won't, give her my e-mail address and I'll set her straight! <*)))><

Answer 6

I would assume that she would be grateful to you for giving her the gift of a grandchild after all her son is an only child so she dosent have many chances you will have a lot of emotions and she may drive you nuts no matter how nice she is trying to be being pregnant is an emotional rollercoaster I love my mother in law to death but I was a little testy on our trip down for christmas I know she understands that I am just hormonal good luck

Answer 7

Watch out. Make sure she realizes your the mother and she's the grandmother. Hopefully she's not thinking of replacing lost emotional ties with her son through her grandchild. You may be surprised though. My mother-in-law is a gem and really made a huge difference in helping with my children. I love her for it. She made my life a lot easier. But I have heard this is not typical. Maybe because my own mother was deceased. Good Luck!

Answer 8

I think it's great that you're looking at this as an opportunity to get closer with your mother-in-law! Since you seem to be a very caring person and have a positive outlook I think you have a shot at creating a good bond with her over the new baby. Just be sure that you don't get into it with her over something silly when you're having a pregnancy hormone bender! (I speak from experience...) Congratulations!

Answer 9

trying to include her is nice but beware. Once the baby is born she will probably become overbearing and dislike everything you do with the baby. Nothing will be right and as the baby gets older she will do all the things grandmas do that parents hate. Like feed it candy for breakfast , lunch and dinner and spoil the child rotten so when it comes home you have to deprogram the child.

Answer 10

Same with me. Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years and his mom disliked me from day one as well! She talks to me here and there but never a close relationship. Anyways I just found out that I am 6 weeks pregnant and Im wondering if shes going to try to become close with me....I dont know what to expect!

Answer 11

Not a chance in heck! My husband will likeley be the only child of the 3 of them to eveer marry and have kids. This is her shot and the grandkids she's been talking about for so long and she's decided to try and mess my marriage up as much as posible!

Good luck!