I have a gay friend thats going thru some problems at home, and I need some help.?

Question

My bestfriend came out to me when we were in 8th grade. And him and me have been still bestfriends and now were in the 11th grade. And like everybody knows at school and my mom knows also that he's gay, and at first she thought that he was going to turn me gay, but I told her thats impossible. So the point being that lately he has been very depressed and sad because he told his parents he was gay, and they don accept him anymore in ANYTHING. He tells me that his dad mistreats him alot and that his mom doesnt even talk to him anymore. I asked my mom if he could live with us for the meanwhile, but she still is paranoid and thinks hes going to make me gay too, and wont let him be with us. I feel EXTREMELY sad and seriousely dont know how to help him except trying to talk to him and being their for him.I love him alot and i just wish that he could get help someway.He wants to runaway but I tell him thats never the way to solve problems.not even my girlfriend can help him, what can I do?

Answer 1

The second time I've recommended PFLAG on this...it's a community group, "Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays." If your friend's parents are open enough to attend meetings, try to get them into PFLAG. If not, your friend might be able to find some good resources through PFLAG, and maybe learn how to approach his family about the subject more effectively.

His parents might come around in time, it's good that he has a friend like you to support him. :)

Answer 2

Hi. I have been in a similar situation to yours with a friend who is gay. His mother is a religious freak and very strict and narrow in her vision, his father is a very high ranking Airforce millitary police Officer and his sister is a fat slob who hates him, his mom doesnt talk to him ever, and as for his sister he wont and she wont talk to each other, his dad does but usually puts him down, so basically he's alone family wise, so I am his crutch so to speak. It's a bit of a burden as I'm his Mom, Dad and family but as I tell him I refuse to play the part of his fat slob of a sister.
You are a great friend with a lot of intelligence and everybody should have a friend like you, and if they did then there would'nt be so much hate in the world. Talk seriously to your mom again and explain that you are not gay and never will be and guys just dont turn gay they are born that way, and that she may save your friends life by taking him in and that if she does you will love her forever and will do things around the house to pay her back. Your friend is at a very dangerous stage in his life and being depressed, could and may ever be contenplating suicide, (and believe me you wont know about it til it happens). Man you have to be right in there and one of the things you must not do is feel sad because he will think he's causing you sadness so he should get out of life to set yours free. Give him your love and search around for support systems, do it in conjuction with your girlfriend (2 heads are better than 1). dont let him runaway, if he does that will be the end of his life because at his age (year 11) it can only go one way- all downhill. I alway's find it difficult when parents suddenly switch off the supposedly love for their kids when things dont go their way, they are not real parents at all just two people who had sex and kids were born as a result. Man I'm not a religeous person but I'm gonna say a prayer for you, him too, but mainly you for being such a top guy and a top friend to him, I just hope he knows it and that the years will pass and he will reach the independant stage in his life where he wont need his imitation parents, but I know he will always have you as a friend. What a top guy you are. GOODLUCK

Answer 3

That's a tough question. He may have to just deal with it until he's old enough to move out and be on his own. It's pretty reprehensible when parents turn their back on or treat their own kid like crap just because they find out they're gay. Sometimes parents just have to go through a period of acceptance. Usually they come around. I must say (and I don't mean this as an insult) you sound much smarter than your mom. Probably the best thing you can do is be a supportive friend to him.

Answer 4

life just plain sucks some days doesn't it. Between your mother not really being well informed about human sexuality and your friend's parents being bigots, it makes things really tough. However just by sticking by your friend you are doing a good thing. And if you can, as another responder suggested, contact a local PFLAG chapter or other gay support organization, they might be able to provide some additional assistance. and maybe they can even help you rmother understand that you are not about to ditch your gf for your best guy friend.

and if you can be a little off th ewall,with yoru mother, ask her again to let your friend move in for a while and if she again worries about you turning gay just say "Mom, I would never want to give up sex with a girl for sex with a guy; it just isn't me." and see if she finally gets the message. though be prepared with smelling salts just in case she faints at the thought of her little boy actually saying the word sex or worse doing it- hehe.

Answer 5

You sounld like a good friend. Help him look for some support groups in your area. PFLAG (Parents Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) may be a good one for you to look into. He needs to stick it out at home because life on the streets can be very rough. Hopefully his parents will see the light. Check out the site below it may be helpful.

Answer 6

You might want to find out if there's a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) in your school. If not, you can start one. The bigger the surrogate family you can build for your friend, the better the both of you will be. You can go to www.glsen.org to see if one is at your school (It has a registry of GSAs listed on their site). Here's a link on how to start one. It's from a Canadian site, but the info is pretty universal.

http://www.pinktriangle.org/pts_site/Eng/gsaguide.pdf

Also, see if there are an GLBT youth groups you, him and even your girlfriend can volunteer for.

Answer 7

i'm probably previous sufficient to be your grandmother and that i'm also probably older than your mom. Regardless, i will furnish you with some suggestion. i understand that is difficult, yet in case you imagine that your mom will kick you out, do not tell her your sexual orientation. Get the education you want to be self-helping once you're at residing house. upon getting that, then tell her. parent out what it may fee you to proceed to exist your man or woman. take a seem on the fee of renting an residing house, possessing a motor vehicle, determining to purchase insurance, feeding your self and garments your self. in case you may't arise with the money now, you extremely don't have a decision. do not set your self up for damage, ridicule and poverty. carry close out with those who're information and supportive. None human beings, in spite of sexual orientation, may be who we are at circumstances. Grin and bare it and comprehend that that is temproary. i'm so sorry that your mom is so homophobic. My heart is going out to you.

Answer 8

Continue to be his friend. Convince him to stay home and stay in school. Tell him not to be depressed, because I feel that sooner or later his parents will accept him. I'm sure after he graduates, he'll move out of his house, and at this point, I can't really blame him. Anyway, depression is no good......so tell him not to dwell on that. He needs to be himself....and if his loved ones don't accept him, then that's their loss.

Answer 9

Encourage him to talk to the school counsellor---if the counsellor sees fit he or she may want to speak with your friend's parents. If your friend and his parents sit down with an individual who is not intimately related with them, it may help ease the tension and everyone may speak what's on their mind. Once everyone says what they are thinking, it will be easier to find the root problem--which may not be your friend's sexual preference--and resolve the issue peaceably and maturely.

Answer 10

Look for support groups in your area. Try to hook up with others that have been through this.