If you've experience suicide, from any point of view, how has it effected you?

Question

I'm interested as I has someone close to me kill himself over 10 years ago and I still think of him and what happened. I am interested in hearing your story, whether you've had someone close to you commit suicide or if you have attempted or considered it yourself.

Answer 1

I planned my own death most carefully and was just working out the timing so as to affect my children and parents the least when that thought reminded me that the control freak of a husband who had driven me to the decision was not right after all and I pulled back.

I still get very bad days sometimes, but I remember back to the darkest times and I am never going there again
.

Answer 2

Hi,Britishlol,
I once witnessed someone taking the plunge from a car park and never thought about it until I did a charity bungee jump from 200 feet up.
The sensation on the way down was tempered by the fact that I had a way out,but they didn't.
That put an awful lot of things into perspective.
I know that memories of lost ones,however they went,are painful, but they no longer experience grief or pain,or remorse.
Neither should you.
I hope you are at peace with yourself,since life is a gift,and there are people dying everyday whether they want to or not.
Have a good new year.
Misterviv x

Answer 3

Sudden violent death is difficult to come to terms with. It's not easy to get over any loss, but suicide always feels preventable and we have to deal with a sense of helplessness and 'if only' alongside missing that person. Anger is a normal part of any grief, 'how dare they leave me?' and is doubly so when it becomes 'how dare they choose to leave me?'. But like all bad things in life you have to learn to let it go.
At the moment a person kills themselves they must be suffering great despair, and at least once they've died they are no longer suffering, and that's the only good you will find in the situation. It's a drastic course of action, often a 'permanent solution to a temporary problem'.
In my life loosing someone very close in such a way just made me more determined to enjoy life. It reinforced how fragile and fleeting life is, it made me review everything - job, life style, hopes, dreams, aims and priorities - and make adjustments where I wasn't happy.
The day it happened I wrote in my journal:
MY WORLD SHOOK THEN CAME TO A SHUDDERING HALT - NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN
And nothing has ever been the same - but I've got used to a new 'normal' - a normal day-to-day existance with a hole in it.

Answer 4

Hi there. My Dad commited suicide about 17 years ago (I was 14 then) At the time, I was very confused and very upset with him. As I've gotten older, it's more of a disappointment and sadness that I feel towards him. I miss him like crazy - wish he was here to see his grandkids growing up. I (as well as my siblings and Mom) just wish we knew the answer to that all important question: 'why?' It makes me so sad to know that whatever it was he was going through was SO terrible that the only solution for him was to end his own life. I still don't understand - probably never will.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It's funny how after so many years it can still be so fresh in your mind (and heart). I believe that I will see my Dad again someday....and I hope you will see your friend/loved one again too.

Answer 5

Out of rage when I was younger I would say "I just want to kill myself"..and actually mean it. But I mean, that was when I was a lot younger and did not really know the impact and the "final-ness" about it. I have had a few people in my town commit suicide because they went out of business, for example. Also, my friend's friend killed herself just recently. And, 4 people I went to school accidentally killed themselves. I think that eventhough things do seem so helpless some days, suicide is NEVER the way to go. You hurt so many people in the process. It is so sad and such a waste of life. Sometimes, I look at pictures of those who have killed themselves and I can think for hours what their family is going through and what was going on with that person which made them think suicide was the only answer. Your "luck" and other variables in your life are always changing, so why not wait for that change to come or make some change yourself? I sympathize with those who feel so hopeless and consider suicide, but can never think of doing it myself or how they come to actually carrying it out. Sad is the first word that always comes to mind

Answer 6

I think a lot of people who attempt suicide are really trying to make the pain go away - emotional, mental or sometimes physical. I know this from personal experience of feeling suicidal, and from a friend who works for the Samaritans. I also think that mental health services in this country (UK) are woefully underfunded and a lot of people with depression or other mental health disorders are not given the professional help they need and deserve. Depression still carries a huge stigma and most people who feel depressed won't tell anyone until it's too late.

People who are bereaved from suicide can get help and support from

http://www.nsbsn.org/
http://sobs.admin.care4free.net/

If you feel suicidal yourself phone the samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.

Answer 7

My father killed himself over 10 years ago and I have moments when it still does not seem real. Try to accept and not question the reasons your friend died because you will only end up being upset again and it does no good at all. You have to be gentle with yourself and remember the good things about your friends life and the happiest times you had.
You will not get answers so try to find what thoughts are comforting and concentrate on them.
God bless and hope this gives you something to think about.

Answer 8

When I was young my father took off on his bycicle, I followed him. When he realized I was there he yelled at me for something stupid and sent me home. What I did not know was that he had left to go kill himself. He did try but Thank God was not successful. I however have carried throughout the rest of my life the deep seated fear of people being mad at me. I had internalized somehow that it was my fault. That if I had not made him angry it would not have happened. To me, having someone angry or dissappointed in me feels like a life or death situation. Also I have not been able to ride a bike since, except when my father was by my side. It took a very big toll on me even though most of it has been on a subconscious level.

Answer 9

About 15 years ago we were coming up to our 2 week holiday off work. The last but one shift before we finished we managed to get wrapped up early so we could get off home, thing is we were working nights and it was 2.00am ish.

A guy on my team asked me if I would drop him off home as he had cycled to work and had no lights, I said yeah OK, so dismantled his bike and stuffed it in the car boot but the lid wouldn't go down properly because of the bike.

I was searching in the car for a piece of string when another guy on our team saw us and said he had some rope I could borrow, great!!. So we tied the car boot down to the rear bumper and all sets off home.

Next night at the end of our shift (last one before holiday), going out to the car the lad who lent me the rope was going to his car nearby and just mentioned " Oh have you got my rope there, I might need it while we're off work". So I just said Oh yeah, handed it back to him and thanked him like you do when people help you out like that. We wished each other a good holiday then got into our cars and set off for home.

Two week later I goes back to work, the lad who lent me the rope had hung himself from the roof rafters through the loft opening. The guy was a team building and bonding type among us and probably the last thing we would have expected him to do.

All that stuck in my mind was the rope I had borrowed from him, it was proper car tow rope thing not just a piece of string. Even now every time I see a car being towed or see a tow rope in Halfords or somewhere I think of him. I don't even know if the rope I borrowed from him was the rope he used but what would you be inclined to think under the same circumstances?

Answer 10

My cousin, who was 2 years younger than me, apparently hung himself in May 2006. Although the coroner says it suicide, myself and many members of my family think differently. His wife (and her family) had a very chequered and "dodgy" past.

I don't know if it would be better that it was definitely suicide or not. If it was, then I feel very sad that he felt unable to talk to any of us about his situation and that he felt that suicide was the only way out.

I think about him everyday, especially as we grew up together but he also has kids which makes the situation a whole lot worse.

I hope that helps you.