What advice could I give to a woman going through the devastation of divorce?

Answer 1

If anyone says "Just be there for her" I'm going to shoot them in the head with a rocket propelled grenade... So help me God....

She may not need advice, other than to get a good attorney and tough it out. Before she knows it, she'll be back on her feet and ready to move on.

ADDENDUM: Well, this is better than I hoped. I only have to kill half of you. "be there for her." GUHHHHH!!!! The single most useless, unintelligent cliche' ever uttered.

Answer 2

Since you did not address what they used as the reason for the divorce, it makes it a bit harder to handle. So, this is what I would have to say absent the reasonings. Tell her to sit down and do something that most people avoid at all costs, find and accept the truth, about herself, about how others are, about how life is today in this country.

She needs to figure out if the problems that they experienced in the marriage and caused the divorce where things that she saw present in her mate before they married, yet she thought they could be handled, would change, could be overlooked, etc. Did she take him and hope to change or rearrange him or hope he would decide to change himself?

Next, she needs to be honest and realize just how much if any of the problems they had were due to her. These could be things such as being unrealistic, having a double standard, being selfish, demanding, putting him off. In many marriages and divorces, so many simply pin it all on the other person, but fail to realize and address their own faults, failures, etc.

Have her consider if she lives in reality or in fantasy. So many try to live in fantasy and insist that everyone else indulge them in those fantasies.

Now, in no way am I saying that it was her at all, that did anything which resulted in this. we are however the only person that we can change. Even if she was a perfect wife and person, I would bet that she still has a few things that she needs to address about herself and improve in regards to herself, as we all do. Realizing and working on those things will help her a lot.

Lastly, the only thing that I can say, which really doesnt help much at the moment is this. Life is not fair or just at times. But very often, we entangle ourselves with people that we know we may end up regretting doing so. If that is the case, you have only experienced what that inner voice tried to warn you about long ago.

Answer 3

Take care of herself. If she can't eat, be sure to have her drink water and take vitamins. Have her lean on her friends for moral support. Keep her mind busy in any way she can so she doesn't dwell on the devastation going on around her. Have her get into counselling so she can make healthy choices. Make sure she has a good lawyer for her divorce so it isn't drawn out any longer than necessary and that she gets a fair settlement. Assure her that life will go on no matter how things turn out and that there is a silver lining in every situation. Compliment her on the things she is good at so she keeps her self esteem in tact. Be there for her.

Answer 4

Go and do all of the things your ex didn't like you to do. Enjoy having what YOU want to eat for dinner and not consulting anybody else. Decorate your (new) home the way YOU want to do it. Spend money the way YOU want to spend it. Go and see the movies YOU want to see. Leave the house when you want to - come home when you want to. Answer to noone. Those are just some of the things I loved about being single. Tell her to concentrate on the things that are POSITIVE about the break-up.

Also - tell her to get out and get involved in things that she wanted to do (but didn't) when she was married. She can join a club or take a class - do things for HER.

And - maybe she does not want advice. Make sure she asks for it before you give it to her. Maybe the best way for you to be her friend right now is just listen. Be there and listen.

Answer 5

Don't really know the specific situation....but I'm sure she's very sad and depressed. If this isn't you, then I would say that you need to be the best friend that you can be in this time of trouble for her. Talk with her, take her out. Try to get her mind off of the divorce...if possible. Just let her know that life goes on. I wish her and you the best of luck.

Answer 6

Tell her that yes, it does hurt right now. However, it gets easier to bear and it is possible to be truly happy with her life.

She needs to see that divorce is a chance to focus on herself. She can do new things and meet different people. She can take a class, start a new hobby, join local clubs, or anything else she feels like trying.

The hardest part is getting over the pain and even embarrassment you feel from a divorce. She must not allow herself to dwell on this. She must learn to distract her thoughts when they start to focus on the divorce. I found myself thinking about my divorce too much and used a rubber band around my wrist to stop it. When unhealthy thoughts entered my mind I would snap the band and then think of something positive about my future. It helped me focus on the important things.

Answer 7

Don't give advice until it is asked for... rather, let her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk or to get away from the stress she is feeling. Call her and offer to meet her for coffee or just to chat. She will open up to you if she feels like you are not going to shove advice down her throat. Be on HER side no matter what... now is not the time to point out what SHE did wrong in this relationship. Let her vent, cry, and complain... don't judge her...don't say anything bad about the other party... just listen.

Answer 8

If you been through a divorce then share of personal experience. If you never been divorce or has not even consider marriage all you can do is be there for her.

Answer 9

just be there for her. let her know that you are there if she needs to talk. anytime. divorce often leaves women feeling alone even if they are surrounded by people that love them, inadequate, depressed. i got divorced in april 2006 and just got to where i can see light through the storm. she needs to realize that just because one person didnt cherish her and appreciate her that there are many that will. i think the hardest part was sleeping alone for the first time in 7 years. tell her to get a body pillow, that helps with that part of it. and to find others that have been through it to talk to. tell her to keep herself around people that know how special she is to uplift her.

Answer 10

Join a support group for others in a similar situation, so she understands that other people are going through the same thing. Misery loves company!

Also, hire a good attorney!