Do you think a woman should remain married only because she wants a child out of the marriage?

Question

My friend is 24, she met this guy and married him after a few months of dating and has regretted it ever since. They have been married a little over a year and are more like roommates than lovers, but they remain married due to their vows before God.

I recently became pregnant with my 1st baby and my friend confided in me that she knows their marriage isn’t the best, but she would like a child out of it anyways. She said her husband is a good man and would be an excellent father, so she intends on having a baby with him soon. She said she could see them divorcing one day or remaining married out of convenience too, she says she is not sure of their future together.

I told her I thought she needed to really think this through, but she always does what she wants anyway.

What do you think about this? Do you think a lot of women do what my friend plans to do?

Answer 1

I think a child deserves to be raised in a loving home-not a room mate home. There are enough problems in the world that challenge a family totally devoted to staying together. How will her family survive if all that holds it together is convenience?

Tell her that she needs to consider the best thing for the child-not her own desire to have one.

Answer 2

I don't know if a lot of women do this or not but I do know that your friend should NOT have a child with a man that she isn't certain about her future with. Children NEED two parents and a stable loving home. That might not be what a lot of kids get but it is what they need. Tell her that she should see a therapist concerning this issue. Any therapist worth thier salt will tell her not to bring an innocent child into such a relationship. Ugh...people like your friend drive me nuts.

Answer 3

i have a friend did just that. she married early without fully learning about her husband on more than one level. his habits and personality seemed to change after two years or so. she said he seems like a different person.

they have an infant son together which has complicated matters for the worst. he's filing for a divorce and has made comments about obtaining sole custody of their little boy. she is a stay at home mom with no "financial income".

needless to say this guy turned out to be a complete dirtbag.

I would suggest your friend takes a long look at the full picture and "step out of the box" removing any emotional blinders. it may seem "secure" to stay with her husband, but she needs to think of her future emotional well being, as well as her child to be's.

Answer 4

I think Marriage and Divorce shouldnt be played with like they are toys. You should get married once and never get divorced. You need to work it out. If they refuse to work it out, it wont get any better if they have a child. Having a child in the mix only adds extra stress on a relationship. No child should be forced to live in two houses, and expect the parents to think their child is happy. Dont do it. Either have kids and work it out or get divorced and move on.

Answer 5

Well, in my opinion I don't think that is a good idea. You said that she said that she and her husband are uncertain of their future together so why would you want to bring a child into that mess? That is just selfish. Your friend is very immature and just rushed into something very serious without thinking it through. Marriage is sacred. She is a grown woman and she can do what ever she wants but she really needs to think about to the consequences.

Answer 6

I would think she would want to wait and have a child with someone she is in love with and plans to spend the rest of her life with, staying with someone only because it is a convenience only hurts the child in the long run.

Answer 7

No.. that is only not fair to you and your spouse but to the child. I can tell you that i stay married even though he walked out on me and it was because I was pregnant. It did nothing other than make my child born in wedlock and instead of out. My child does not know her father and probably never will, by his choice not mine. It is not fair to do that to a child.

Answer 8

Sperm bank

If you stay in the marriage for the kids your just slow down the inevitable. You don't want to be with him let it go. Cause you will mess up that babies life with you'll xtra bag in the long run. Plus you need to look at your priorities before you do this, cause you wanting a baby for selfish reason......... So going back to what I said before go to a sperm bank.......

Answer 9

To bring a child into a loveless marriage wrong. They should move-on from each other and find someone they love, marry them, and start a family with their new spouses.

Answer 10

If she says he is such a good man, then why does she regret marrying him? Sounds like she has an issue of wanting excitement instead of real stability.